Rephrasing
I reread the entry I wrote earlier. The wording came out kind of wrong. It made me realize how staying here has made me feel so removed from everything that is my ordinary life. I feel like it's been ages since I've talked to the people I usually talk to every day or so. It's like my present self has slipped back into the life of my younger self and it's like there's no connection between the two. I don't hate being here in my hometown, in fact I've had much more fun that I expected. To rephrase what I wrote earlier, I knew that I would bump into people I had put in the past but I don't hate it like I thought I would. I've had a good time and it makes me wonder why, before I came here, I kept thinking that I would hate being here. What's with this place that made me want to lock all my memories in a box and throw the key away? I don't even know why I felt like that.
The friend (is she my friend again? I don't even know) who came over today has a bunch of problems. I didn't think about it first but her problems hit close to home for me. She was primarily the one I was thinking about when I wrote the part about not wanting to see former friends. Now that I spent half of the day with her just talking and hanging out, I realized that I didn't actually hate it. It's not like I want to go back to the way things used to be but for now it feels okay to see her once in a while and be casual friends. I'm not sure if it's just compassion because of the hell she has gone through or if I enjoy spending time with her but for now I'm not going to dwell on it too much.
(no expensive scotch/whiskey was consumed while writing this emo post although I'm soon that's about to change as the boys are heading over here for poker night)
The friend (is she my friend again? I don't even know) who came over today has a bunch of problems. I didn't think about it first but her problems hit close to home for me. She was primarily the one I was thinking about when I wrote the part about not wanting to see former friends. Now that I spent half of the day with her just talking and hanging out, I realized that I didn't actually hate it. It's not like I want to go back to the way things used to be but for now it feels okay to see her once in a while and be casual friends. I'm not sure if it's just compassion because of the hell she has gone through or if I enjoy spending time with her but for now I'm not going to dwell on it too much.
(no expensive scotch/whiskey was consumed while writing this emo post although I'm soon that's about to change as the boys are heading over here for poker night)