freedom begins when you get out of the cage you've built.
Characters: Hatake Kakashi and Uchiha Itachi
Status: Closed
Summary: The two week mark has come, and Kakashi's not just worried about his own sanity. Itachi hasn't been around in awhile either.
Location: The Ruins, where els-- Mirage pool.
Warnings: NC-17 eventually ( Read more... )
Status: Closed
Summary: The two week mark has come, and Kakashi's not just worried about his own sanity. Itachi hasn't been around in awhile either.
Location: The Ruins, where els-- Mirage pool.
Warnings: NC-17 eventually ( Read more... )
Yet some knowledge still remained, and the faint stiffness only someone who had fought against Itachi could see spoke of countless seconds in that pose. Itachi noted it too, with the slight downturn of his lips, and Kakashi tilted his head to the side. "I know you like your privacy, Itachi-kun, but I'm afraid I'm going to be demanding this time. You've seen more of me than I ever wanted to show, after all." The regrets that Kakashi had locked away deep within, a pain he constantly carried hidden underneath smiles and novels and odd quirks, none of that had ever been meant to be seen by another's eyes. Yet Loki had enabled it, and in doing so exposed Kakashi's innermost core. Perhaps it had only been circumstance that had brought Itachi to that place first, but it had been done. "Having my pride stripped away like that isn't something I ever intended. You can at least have a choice in the matter, before time catches up with you."
Because the days had dwindled, and now they were on the brink. As he was, Kakashi knew Itachi hadn't resolved that issue for himself. Insanity lurked in the shadows, an animal ready to pounced, and in this instance, Itachi stood as the easier prey--and Kakashi refused to allow that to happen.
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"It's what I don't see," he began, then stopped. Listened.
The corner of his mouth kicked up at the blunt way Kakashi stated his intentions. It wasn't a rejection when he replied, not exactly. "And what choice is it you're giving me."
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Ah, well. The moment had passed (temporarily, as he would bring up the issue again), and Kakashi silently chided himself for saying too much. Blame the awkwardness surrounding what he was about to offer; making arrangements for routine sexual encounters fell a bit beyond his areas of expertise. For now, however, he had no choice but to keep on speaking. If Itachi would open himself, even a little, it wasn't an opportunity to be missed.
"To wear a mask." Metaphorically, and in an ironic indicator of the deal, Kakashi purposely pulled down the cloth covering his face. "There are things that neither of us can risk the others seeing. What happened when you found me was bad enough. What if it had been Obito, or Naruto?" Kakashi's enduring strength, even as a facade, was something he knew both young men relied on. And while his armor held its flaws, none were so deep as to reveal what Itachi had witnessed those days prior. He'd been fortunate, in so many ways, for the Uchiha who had held back his blade.
"And it's the same for you. If you fell and the wrong person found you, it would be disastrous for everything you're still trying to achieve." Or what Kakashi hoped remained as Itachi's goal; even if both men had to entrust Sasuke's fate to Naruto, they still could support from the shadows. "Sasuke looks to you for guidance now. Your words could send him down the path of destruction even faster than Madara's manipulations."
Duty, for one as a teacher, the other as a brother. Kakashi had learned long ago how to choose his words, and this task was what drove them both. Yet even with their chosen purposes, Kakashi knew that wasn't the extent of things for him. So he sighed quietly, letting the carefully thought-out speech fade into that single sound, and risked something a touch more personal.
"It's kind of noble, right? But really, it's simpler than that." Kakashi turned his eyes to the pool, starting into the still water, and the same nothingness Itachi had seen. "I'm worried about you. Despite everything that happened, we were partners, once." And then came the orders, the deaths, the betrayal--and the present. "And now that we're here, I've started thinking of you as one of my comrades again. I want to be sure you're safe."
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Sasuke who's approached him once before with suspicion, then resignation in his eyes as he took Itachi by the shoulders and propelled him inside and off the balcony before he fell. Whose mouth had tasted like sugar because of taste transfer from his own.
Shisui had come for him with tender violence. Itachi's high-collared Akatsuki robe is the only thing concealing the healing bruises from that meeting from sight, but they were still fresh in his mind. Shisui had arched high over him, gasping and red-faced with his hands locked tight around Itachi's throat, Itachi, Itachi, Itachi, oh! (Two family members, one now gone and the other avoidant, the thought of coming to Itachi for guidance, for this anymore is laughable to him now.)
He cannot speak the words to tell Kakashi the worst had already come to pass, in that regard. He tells himself it's because that information is none of Kakashi's business but those motivations run deeper, to a selfish level he doesn't dare acknowledge.
Nobility..? Nobility had no place in Loki's world, and what few shreds of dignity that had left could barely be called pride. "You have no other to go to." It's not exactly a question.
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He chose to hide, and why? Because of whatever thought had been left unsaid shortly after Kakashi's arrival.
"Either of us could go to any number of places, if only sex were involved." Even Kakashi, who turned red at the thought of it, at what little experience he'd had at the hands of the same man now before him. He knew, as much of a blushing virgin as he was now, that even his reservations would fade in time, and he'd come to a point where going to a stranger for that wouldn't phase him. Kakashi would only be acting out of necessity, a survival instinct just like hunger or thirst.
"I wouldn't say I'm comfortable with the idea of it being you, or anyone. But you've already seen me." Naked in every sense, exposed and helpless, and Kakashi had to struggle not to cringe at the memory. Dignity might have been tattered, true, but it did remain, and even the brief touch of pleasantness to that encounter didn't satisfy Kakashi's pride. "And that makes it easier, in a sense. But I'm not willing to only use you. You are not just a tool."
Because he had learned that lesson, embraced it heart and soul. Shinobi acted according to the laws of their society, yes, but they were still human, with all the flaws and needs that came therein. Itachi withdrew, because he feared. Kakashi understood that better than most, having fled in similar fashion. Human, and thus driven to protect themselves in whatever ways they could manage, and to reconcile their actions as shinobi with what they naturally knew to be wrong.
"Who do you go to, Itachi? Who do you trust with your secrets, and your pain?" Now it fell to Kakashi to stare, eyes filled with the same challenge as his words. "It will consume you if you don't let it out, somehow. And that's the role I'm offering to fill, as an exchange."
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Then -- Kasuka, who'd soothed the heat of the desert from his skin and replaced it just as swiftly with a new heat entirely. Nearly a month past that Sasuke had found him on their balcony and with determination in his stare and steel in his touch, forced him indoors and lured him into the unthinkable.
Kisame had come as those before him for mutual benefit, unwilling and unwelcome to fill the need of confidant beyond the bedroom. Which suited Itachi just fine, but only served to firm the silent impression of what Kakashi told him wasn't the case - you are not just a tool. Kakashi's needs, and then Shisui's which had bruised him dark and shadowed his eyes with exhaustion because it wasn't enough and Shisui is gone, he's gone, and nothing can ease that pain. He believes no one is strong enough to help brace its weight now that he's admitted to himself that he needs them just in time to watch them fade from his grasp.
After all of this, it's laughable. It's a mockery of an offer being posed for more than what it simply is. "No one," he informed the water cooly, "my secrets are my own and my pain is no ones concern but mine."
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Kakashi moved closer, with steady steps and no fear of the eyes that might turn upon him, or their power. Itachi could drag him down into the hell of Tsukiyomi for a second time, and it would not deter his actions. "What happened, Itachi? You had started away from this path." Small steps, hints only visible in the smallest glimpses of a smile, but Kakashi had seen it for himself, and he refused to pretend they had been illusions. "What are you trying to protect yourself from?"
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Shisui's hands were imprinted on his throat, the crescent abrasions of his nails still black on his tendons, his thumbs twin ovals over his larynx. And somewhere, lower, Kisame's sharp teeth had scarred. Sasuke had left no physical mark, but he still felt him there and it burned him like wildfire.
"I have no shortage of proposals for ... this," his jaw flexed, eyes finally lifting bleak and dulled with a resignation all too familiar. "That worst-case scenario you spoke of has already come to pass, and I allowed it to, for the same reason I stood between you and Loki's madness that night in the ruins. I cannot deny them. I cannot protect myself from this, or their abandonment."
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But abandonment? None of the names Kakashi drew from the list of the surrounding population would purposely leave Itachi. For all he had done, the Uchiha either didn't know, or didn't care. And even in his own case, Kakashi had found a level of understanding that allowed something dangerously close to sympathy on his part, thanks to Madara's revelation. It had stolen the label of enemy from Kakashi's mind when he looked at the Uchiha before him, leaving the same mix of restless emotions churning in his gut as Kakashi felt now. And of those, sorrow currently stood as the strongest.
"Oh, Itachi." Kakashi breathed out the man's name with a slow shake of his head, his eyes studying each of the untreated blemishes. Just how far would the man take things before it was finally enough, before he finally fulfilled whatever self-imposed penance remained for his sins? Kakashi's original plans stood all but abandoned now. He would find someone else, despite the queasy feeling that thinking such an affair brought. Itachi didn't need to be used by anyone else in such a manner; Kakashi refused to let himself fall into the same pattern of making Itachi a tool, even as part of a mutual exchange.
Whether Itachi acknowledged his own need or not, Kakashi knew. Itachi would come to a point where he would break traveling down this path; he wanted to, with no one there to stop the eventual fall. Unfortunately, Kakashi stubbornly refused to allow that to happen. It simply required a more subtle approach than he originally thought.
"Come on. I have a private room." Ambiguous words intended to lead Itachi from the void; Kakashi hadn't missed how the Uchiha still stared at it. Abandonment--Kakashi again glanced toward the water, then turned his back on it. Finally he understood, and as he headed toward the hotel entrance, he resolved to find whoever among their number had gone missing at the next opportunity.
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A private room led to an assumption of what the man wanted, and had him doing a silent tally of days. Had it already been two weeks..? Time had frozen but also sped itself at a breakneck pace too slippery to hold onto except in brief palm-skinning moments with both hands tightly grasped. He walked in silence, arms folded and clothes adjusted to discreetly tighten his latest mask. Control. Self-control, and also outwardly extended - Kakashi was the only one who knew it had slipped, Itachi spoke of it to no one else and it was his intention that he never would. His personality was too private and drawn to allow otherwise.
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Yet he didn't, and in short order Kakashi opened the door to his suite. He'd debated the idea of the upgrade from the simplest level, but in the end, the rooms more closely resembled his Konohagure home, and had been worth the price of two extra chips. Opportunities had arisen over the course of his time in Vegas that allowed Kakashi to actually earn a decent sum. Carefully budgeted, he'd be able to take care of not only of himself, but his students if they needed.
"Take a seat." Kakashi motioned not to the bedroom, as Itachi likely suspected, but to the couch near the suite's smaller bathroom. Kakashi stepped out of sight for a moment, the sound of running water soon hinting at his activity. It didn't take long for the jounin to get the basics of what he needed together: along with personal provisions, the supplies for medical treatments had been a high priority. Bandages, disinfectant, and cloths for cleaning were all in Kakashi's hands when he rejoined the Uchiha.
"You let the wounds get infected. That was careless." And spoke to just how poorly Itachi's regard fell when it came to his own health. Kakashi intended to put a stop to that now, however, and he crouched down in front of Itachi with an expectant look in his eye. "I'll take care of the ones on your neck first. You will let me know if there are others I haven't seen yet." Like so many things Itachi had said to him earlier, Kakashi's words weren't a question.
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Instead Kakashi's fingertips were on his throat, antiseptic burning, before his reflex caught up. He blinked in silent shock, frowned at himself, and lowered his eyes away. His breath exhaled short and ragged.
"I can't recall," he spoke finally, watching Kakashi's reaction from the corner of one heavily-lidded eye. The mans proximity and his words, his mannerisms, and the truth behind his own carelessness were combining into a heady mix that left him weary and agreeable. But it wasn't only that - Kakashi's scent still held traces of lust, of interest, and that sparked unbidden memories. He revisited them in crystal-clear detail with the Sharingan's photographic snapshots.
It had him saying something truly reckless, those memories. "You may check, if you like."
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Or maybe he'd simply sensed the sincerity in Kakashi's words. Whatever the reason, he studied the length of skin now exposed for him, then went to task. The measures required were delicate ones; fingernails weren't large, but they had gone deep, a sure sign that Itachi had allowed the infliction. Kakashi said nothing at the realization, however, merely leaned in close enough to properly survey his work.
He's warmer than I'd thought he be. That thought occupied Kakashi's mind as his fingers worked to spread the salve, rubbed it into his skin. Something about that contact, however small, fascinated the part of his mind that hadn't forgotten the other times he'd felt Itachi's brand of warmth. Yet that hadn't been Kakashi's reason for bringing Itachi here, and he pushed back the thoughts, kept memories where they should remain, and--
--What?
Kakashi almost spoke the word, but he hadn't missed Itachi's statement. They both knew better than to think the Uchiha would forget the presence of further wounds (or perhaps he would, in his saddened stupor). But Kakashi couldn't pretend, or miss that intent when he caught Itachi's gaze.
A test, then? To see if Kakashi would keep his word and his distance, remaining free of openly utilizing Itachi as an instrument. Truly a dangerous game, and to his own amazement, Kakashi's breath caught in his chest when he first tried to answer.
"Yeah, I better." A soft sound, barely tinged with the dizzy uncertainty that suddenly rushed Kakashi's mind. He pulled back, to better meet Itachi's eye, and found just how closely he'd leaned in to the other man.
Careless.
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Underneath it, Itachi knew, he looked smaller. The robes of the Akatsuki had a way of making a man appear larger than life, and without it he was left only in thin black cotton and fishnetting. The same as any other shinobi.
There was something poetic about that, if he'd bothered putting it to words. (He never would, because he didn't believe in the message it would send if he did.)
He moves fluid and quick with the ease of practice in removing concealed weapons until a pile gathers, all sharp edges and spheres of powder and strips of paper with fuses unlit and waiting to be activated when the time came. All of it was shed one by one, until all that stood between Kakashi and himself was scruples, the thin black shinobi clothing he'd once died in, and wasn't that disturbing - and the heavy weight of a stare that had yet to leave Kakashi's face.
There were no other injuries. Itachi wasn't a careless man, and the only harm he ever came to was of his own doing, or what he allowed.
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Kakashi watched each motion, not with the usual detachment he prided himself on, but something wholly unfamiliar. He'd never felt this way watching another person, never allowed the stray thoughts to creep into his mind after his rejection of Rin's feelings. Yet Vegas had its way of forcing the inhabitants, and Kakashi couldn't count himself as an exception to this rule. That one time had been enough, measured by a similar rhythm as the one before him now, and Kakashi found himself unable to separate thoughts of the two.
And Itachi knew it, of course. Kakashi felt it in the gaze that made his skin flush hotter, challenging and judging both at once. As dangerous an indulgence as it was to watch his hands, meeting Itachi's eyes would be worse. Kakashi almost feared what he might find there, how deep a crack that silent message could force into his resolve.
No, both shinobi recognized the pretense for what it was. Itachi purposely pushed at Kakashi's newly established limits, and from within, something carnal helped that effort. But they were both men, and both shinobi, and Kakashi wouldn't fall so easily as that. Whatever hunger found its start in this display, Kakashi simply refused to surrender to it. He needed to, to prevent Itachi from grasping a new excuse.
"Well. So far so good." Nothing else appeared on the newly exposed skin, but Itachi had only just removed the outermost layer. Even as partners in ANBU, Kakashi had only caught glimpses of anything beyond what remained covered by Itachi's more traditional garb, in order to treat wounds sustained in battle. And now the pretense remained the same, but to Kakashi it almost seemed that he watched with new eyes, eager to see, so much that his heartbeat quickened. "You're free to keep going." Push, and push, and Kakashi remained determined to pass the test throughout, until its completion.
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No one had ever truly asked, or stopped.)
His shirt caught the ribbon-tie in his hair and tore it loose, tugged up and over his head with a careless under-hand grab. He dropped it on top of weapons that told the story of a nomadic lifestyle in their lack of consistent makesmanship and then casually bent at the waist to fiddle with the straps of his sandals.
"Still nothing..?"
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