i dont know what to do i'm out of ideas
jaded_jb we went to my dads fiances brothers house today with the munchkins and well we just got back like half an hour ago. teh kids went to spend the nite at their grandparenst house and we were sitting by the fire out back and i started talking about what college i wanted to go to and some of the scholarsdhips i checked out and i was telling them about my plans i thought my dad would have been proud of me for making an effort and doing the research on internichips scholarships and colleges but kno he just told me he'd believe it when it happened his exact words were"i'll believe it when i see it" i couldnt say anything it hurt me finally i just said, "thanks its nice to kno u have faith in me..." it just hurts so much its liek i cant do a fucking thing rite he judges me based on what my older brother has donewell i am nothing liek my brother or my dad or my mom i have done everything in my power to make sure that i dont act liek them i dont wanna be them their condesenion their tempers narrowmindedness lack of emotion w/e i dont want to be liek them and i'm not and never will be.i just want him to belive in me aernt parents suppose to encourage their kids and tell them they can do anything they put their mind to why cant he do that why do i constantly have to prove myself i saw him with his fiances three yr niece tonite playing and giving her kisses and just being sweet and i missed that i wanted to cry i remember when he used to show any kind of affection to me we argued in teh car and i barley remember what was said any more his fiance (melanie) just kept telling us to stop we werent yelling and it only lasted liek 5 min tops but it was enuff he send i had taken a condecending tone an di told him thats just the way he took he said i did it all the time and i told him flat out that he did it all the time too and then he sadi some thing taht hurt my feelings which i cant recall rite off hand and rite before teh tears came in my eyes i said "luv yah.." plain and simple idk if it hit him or not but i just want him to appreciate me and be proud of me everyonce in a while and SHOW that he loves me is it really that hard why doesnt melanie say anything is she blind didnt she see in teh review mirror that i cried the rest of teh 20 min home or did she act like him and choose to not see it.why cant my dad just be there for me when he knows my mom never will be why do they both have to just leave me alone emotionaly i dont wanna be here i wanna run away i need to get away but theres no where to go i just keep praying for God to help me i'm putting my trust in him i kno he'll come thru in teh end but will it be too late by then? is it already to late?