Confessions of Me......
I am feeling very bad and good at the same time. I'm about to explain what I think about those so called guys. First of all they all come from a place I like to call the valley. I tried to cope with them when they would try to get together with me, teeling me sweet things and then throwing all the good image they built, down the gutter. Creeps. One guy I vaguely remember was some butthole from Brownsville, he was my "b-friend" got it just rages me to think about him. I went to visit him to Brownsville and stayed there for 4 days, getting myself in big truble with my mom for being out of the house for such a long time. I went, saw him for like 1 night and then when I tried to see him after that he would just shut me out, telling me that he's dad would get mad at him, whatever, he was already 20, no 20-year old has a dad that controls him that much especially a mexican I got so mad so I was done with him. Not mentioning that he wouldn't call me or even try to talk to me when he was at his friends house which was my friend too. Gosh, I get angry thinking about that rotten white rat. Sorry for the harsh words but he was a creep looking for one thing only. Another lived in San Juan, met him in the mall and like all, he was such a sweet guy at the beginning, my friends didn't like him but I paid no attention, Rox especially. Since he ended up making stories about me sleeping with his best friend which I only saw once and that was the day I met him. Two years afterwards he called me and apologize and I forgave him,I am no one to hold resentments, I just forgive or forget. Well I met up with him and he took me to his house but as expected he was trying to make me do things I jsut don't do, so I told him to take to me to school cause I had choir practice. Man I guess I got him mad cause I didn't want to do anything with him. He never called me again. He was such a creep too, looking as I mentioned before for only one thing. Other guys that I have been involved weren't like that but they did have soemthing that I hated so much and this is whatit is. They try to talk to me in school cause they wanted to get to know me and go out and stuff. Ok so I didn't expect anything from them cause they were what you call jocks and in my old school that was so important, all the cliques, you know, the ones that were in them said that they were non-existant in school but come on that was so not true. They all sat down with their own ppl, but I was not interested in them at all, me and my friends would sit in a space were I think was the coolest ppl place from all of there, although at the other end of the table that we sat in, the varsity football players sat there, but they were all the guys that me and my friends would consider friends, there was Louie, Chapa, Joe, Jesse, who else man I can't remember, well any ways. I think my friends are the most beautiful, most interesting, smartest, best in any way I can think of persons in the world. And I love them with every inch of my heart and soul. well getting back to dissing guys, there was Jason, who was such a coool person but he led me on to thinking that he was interested in a relationship, but at the back of my head laid the fact of his ex-girlfriend, which he still talked to and several times that I was with him, she would call. I tried not to feel jealous or to question him when he would get off the phone, I once tried to joke about it. I asked him if the one who called him was his girlfriend, he told me how can I have a girlfiend when I'm with you, very smooth. Well I tried to talk about the ex-girlfriend situation and about us cause we seemed to just stay in one place and not to a more serios realtionship, we weren't official or anything. so I asked him about her and he told me that he was still not over her and that he didn't know if he could so I told him that since he still had feelings for her that maybe we should just stay friends. He agreed and I stayed by myself once again. oh weellll. another, josh, had actually cheated on his girlfriend with me. I didn't know he had a girl, I promise. So I thought, oh gosh, finally someone that I think can actually like me. Cause I knew him from church and he went to school with me too. So, in church he would always stare at me and try to make small conversations, I even had my first kiss with him at a church retreat. Well, dadaddadada, all my friends know the story. I found out, form his sister not to mention, that his girlfriend cheated on him several times and that is why they would brake up a lot times. SO I was glad, actually, when he cheated on her with me. Not to sound too slutty. With him I had a weird realationship, cause at times we wouldn't talk and then we would. At times I hanged out him, one time I was over at his house till 4 in the morning, he actually wanted me to stay till the next day, telling me that his mom would cook breakfast and he told me that she actually knew who I was and that she liked me. But I couldn't, I didn't feel comfortable to be in that kind of situation. So I say, if everything went so well when we were together,I he seemed so comforatble telling me all kinds of things, and I knew his brother, sister, and mom, and I get along very well with them, why couldn't he just forget about the ex and try something with me, why is it that guys just keep on going back to a person that makes them sad, mad, and everything else so miserable for them. I just don't understand, what is the fun in getting hurt time and time again. It makes me so angry that the girls that I have been competing with are not even half a good person that I believe I am. It is so very upsetting. But I hope that one day, I can be the girl that a guy cannot forget. But trust me when I say that I would do anything to make a relationship, a healthy realationship. I don't want to be that person that hurts the other by cheating or something like that. Well I'm sorry if this seems to be annoying, me talking about my past realtionships, I just kinda had a "moment". I believe that firends are the most beautiful thing that can happen to a person, sometimes they are someone in your family like your mom, or your sister or brother, sometimes they become like family, sometime they come in a package of a dozen, and sometimes in the very well known, best friend package. All I know is that if I didn't have the friends that I have, the moments shown above, would have been so much harder to handle. I thank God everyday for having them, and If they read this I want to let them know that I love them and that I am greatful and privileged to have them in my life. Although all the group is not close and having a little differences, I hope they all work out and that we can be the little clan we used to be with new and improved changes, with Mando back and Lisa back from hundreds of miles away from the vally. And with me up here awaiting the moment when I can return or visit. I hope you guys can have soem good times. I really, really love you and miss you so much. I hope everythign in our lives can work out and that we stay together for always, I wouldn't want to live in this place called earth without you guys in it. Lotz Of Love!!!