(no subject)
I trashed my room yesterday. I was so angry...I've been that angry and worse before, but I've never actually thrown more than one thing. I threw my hairbrush into the wall and made a new dent, and then I just started tearing things apart. EVERYTHING ended up on my floor, and I was screaming and it just felt so free. I'm very angry with a few people right now. I'm pissed at Shane because I wrote him telling him how much I'm falling apart and he writes me a little paragraph saying that he loves me and he knows I have inner strength, and to have fun with Justin. And puts a little smiley face at the end. That's when I freaked and trashed my room. I would have rather he not write anything at all and wait to give me a better letter the next day than get what I did. I guess I just expected more than that from someone who I care about so much and who supposedly cares about me.
I'm also mad at my mom for a whole bunch of reasons that I just don't even want to get into right now. At least the house will be nice and quiet with my mom away in Germany and my dad on shutdown at the plant for the next few weeks. I'm going to need that peace and quiet if I'm planning on not flipping out again like I did yesterday. I just couldn't contain the anger. Oh well. Now I can relax and clean up my room tonight.
I don't know what's wrong with me lately, but I do know that something's off and I'm falling back to SOME of my old behavior. None of the self-destructive stuff, but more the less-caring and more-angry feelings. The thing is, somehow, it feels like home to me.
I'm also mad at my mom for a whole bunch of reasons that I just don't even want to get into right now. At least the house will be nice and quiet with my mom away in Germany and my dad on shutdown at the plant for the next few weeks. I'm going to need that peace and quiet if I'm planning on not flipping out again like I did yesterday. I just couldn't contain the anger. Oh well. Now I can relax and clean up my room tonight.
I don't know what's wrong with me lately, but I do know that something's off and I'm falling back to SOME of my old behavior. None of the self-destructive stuff, but more the less-caring and more-angry feelings. The thing is, somehow, it feels like home to me.