We stumble into our lives, reach for a hand to hold
I don't know if its a good or bad thing that I went home. Being back it in the city made me miss everything so much more. I didn't want to leave at all. But here I am, back at Hendrix.
My uncle got engaged the day after I left. This is a HUGE deal in my family because my Uncle is 40 and the entire family has been waiting for him to get married for, well, ever. I know this isn't about me at all and I shouldn't make it about me but, seriously why did he have to do it the day after I left? My whole dad's side of the family was there, except for me. It just made me feel really disconnected even from my family.
I had such a good time at home though. I spent most of my time with Dimilsa and I slept over in her dorm room on friday because I didn't want to take the subway home at 2 in the morning. I saw Across the Universe which was amazing. The funny thing is, when I was home, i was dreading going back to school and I just missed being home so much even though I was home. But now that I'm actually back, my homesickness has wained. Maybe its the distance or the fact that I'm not around all the people I love constantly to remind me of my dread but its mysteriously gone.
I just feel so confused all the time and I want it to go away. I want to be one of the many people who is in love with there college and can't imagine themselves anywhere else. I've been trying to hard to just accept the fatc that I'm here and to move on. But I can't seem to even do that. I have so much trouble moving on from the past, from things I can't change and no longer have control over. I'm just so unstaified with college its amazing. I didn't expect it to be perfect, but I expect to at least like it in the slightest sense. I enjoy the social aspect of college, but not the academic one. It's not that I don't like learning, its that I couldn't get into any classes I liked and therefore am in classes I dislike.
I'm writing stupid papers on stupid things that I DON'T CARE ABOUT and it feels just like high school all over again. I don' give a shit about the Bible. I haven't read it and I don't plan on reading it, yet in our horrible freshman class, Journeys, they made us read the Confessions of Saint Augustine, which was pretty much this guy sucking up to God and being like "I'm sorry for screwing up when I was younger", but not taking any responsibility for his actions. And now I have to write a paper on it. I thought the whole point of paying an obscene amount of money to go to college was so you could TAKE CLASSES THAT YOU ACTUALLY LIKE. Its just so frustrating to go through this day after day after day with no satisfaction whatsoever.
I don't even know what to do.
My uncle got engaged the day after I left. This is a HUGE deal in my family because my Uncle is 40 and the entire family has been waiting for him to get married for, well, ever. I know this isn't about me at all and I shouldn't make it about me but, seriously why did he have to do it the day after I left? My whole dad's side of the family was there, except for me. It just made me feel really disconnected even from my family.
I had such a good time at home though. I spent most of my time with Dimilsa and I slept over in her dorm room on friday because I didn't want to take the subway home at 2 in the morning. I saw Across the Universe which was amazing. The funny thing is, when I was home, i was dreading going back to school and I just missed being home so much even though I was home. But now that I'm actually back, my homesickness has wained. Maybe its the distance or the fact that I'm not around all the people I love constantly to remind me of my dread but its mysteriously gone.
I just feel so confused all the time and I want it to go away. I want to be one of the many people who is in love with there college and can't imagine themselves anywhere else. I've been trying to hard to just accept the fatc that I'm here and to move on. But I can't seem to even do that. I have so much trouble moving on from the past, from things I can't change and no longer have control over. I'm just so unstaified with college its amazing. I didn't expect it to be perfect, but I expect to at least like it in the slightest sense. I enjoy the social aspect of college, but not the academic one. It's not that I don't like learning, its that I couldn't get into any classes I liked and therefore am in classes I dislike.
I'm writing stupid papers on stupid things that I DON'T CARE ABOUT and it feels just like high school all over again. I don' give a shit about the Bible. I haven't read it and I don't plan on reading it, yet in our horrible freshman class, Journeys, they made us read the Confessions of Saint Augustine, which was pretty much this guy sucking up to God and being like "I'm sorry for screwing up when I was younger", but not taking any responsibility for his actions. And now I have to write a paper on it. I thought the whole point of paying an obscene amount of money to go to college was so you could TAKE CLASSES THAT YOU ACTUALLY LIKE. Its just so frustrating to go through this day after day after day with no satisfaction whatsoever.
I don't even know what to do.