If the World Believed You Wicked | part 12
Title: If the World Believed You Wicked
Pairing: Myungsoo/Sungjong
Rating: NC-17 overall, I guess, most of the time PG-13
Warnings: I'm new to Infinite, I have lots of typos, I'm lazy, and I believe in happy endings. Also: If its legal its gonna get some booty-- there was your sex talk.
Notes: Cross-posted to asianfanfics under the name valeronova
Summary: Myungsoo from thinking Sungjong is a pissy diva brat to Myungsoo thinking Sungjong is a pissy diva brat that he can't live without and a whole lot more. A Process.
Sunggyu would never have said he was proud of himself for some of the decisions he'd made. If anyone asked him what he might go back in time to change
he wouldn't bullshit anybody, he had lots of things that he'd like to change, fuck that learning from your mistakes bullshit.
He would have set an alarm on his phone so that even when he was completely slammed with practice and other obligations for Infinite and he was so
tired by the end of the day that he could barely remember his own name, he would call his mother and wish her happy birthday before the day was over.
He would have paid more attention to his English lessons when he was younger so he could recall the information later on as a part of a band who got
significant attention from English speaking countries. To any language lessons actually. To any speech tips. He could use it all.
And he would have never asked Myungsoo and Sungjong to pretend they'd never been together in the first place.
Just to name a few things.
Sunggyu hadn't actually noticed it himself until their manager had nudged him towards the realization that his younger band mates were closer than he'd
realized. Once he saw it for himself, though, he couldn't understand how he'd missed it. After that it was very difficult to pretend he didn't notice
the open looks of adoration on Sungjong's face when he looked up at Myungsoo. How had he missed the warmth in Myungsoo's eyes when he greeted Sungjong
in the morning? If he really wanted to feel slow he would recall how gentle Myungsoo's hands were when he pushed bits of Sungjong's hair out of his
face and Sungjong's complete submission to the touches and, yeah, when he thought about it he could remember the feeling that he'd interrupted
something personal.
Their manager had a point, though. A relationship between band members could be damaging and problematic. "Fans would talk, the band would be
criticized and not taken seriously-- they might break up on their own and make things uncomfortable." His manager had told him, looking sorry and
sympathetic, but firm. Sunggyu had to agree with the reason there.
It was hard to talk to them about it that day. Even as he'd told them what their manager thought-- what he agreed with. He had felt heavy and sick to
his stomach, like he'd made a mistake and he couldn't take it back.
The look on Myungsoo's face when he'd stormed out afterwards had been fuel on the fire of his guilt. Later on, when he saw the dark circles under
Sungjong's eyes and the puffiness of the skin around them Sunggyu really had wanted to take it back.
It was the kind of feeling that didn't go away easily, though after a while (well, months) things had smoothed out a bit and he'd been able to relax
and know that the publics eye was on them but never prying too far into their personal lives. That's the way it should be. That's what he wanted to
give them. They really were like his younger brothers; Sunggyu wanted to protect them. He did what he could and what he accomplished was months passing
and Myungsoo drinking more and more, passing off brittle smiles and shrinking into himself. Anyone that knew Sungjong knew that he responded to pain by
becoming stronger. Sungjong became very strong. He smiled a lot and laughed, but he kept his distance and Sunggyu definitely noticed.
Woohyun became used to watching Sunggyu with his head in his hands.
At first Dongwoo had skirted around Sunggyu awkwardly and Sunggyu suspected he must have known. It was fine, Sunggyu could handle being the bad guy. It
hadn't lasted long anyway; Dongwoo was Dongwoo and their group might not have gotten back to normal without him. Dongwoo helped Myungsoo and Sungjong,
and Sunggyu was glad for it. Obviously Dongwoo didn't agree with Sunggyu, but he didn't interfere with the decision they'd all made. He ran both sides:
watching over Sungjong for Myungsoo and running his occasional Myungsoo-news stauses to Sungjong. Sunggyu had caught the tail end of a few of those.
The rest of them said nothing if they noticed the difference-- and they all must have, eventually. But that wasn't exactly true; Sunggyu clearly
remembered Sungyeol's accusing eyes on him, and felt the what Sungyeol had to say without him even saying it: why did you have to interfere? Sometimes
Sunggyu asked himself that same question when he saw Sungjong visibly catching himself before reaching out for Myungsoo or Myungsoo stealing hidden
glances at Sungjong. It felt shitty, and sometimes he couldn't think of a good reason for making them suffer at all.
Hoya was the first to say something to him. It was too far for their manager to ask Myungsoo to pretend to date Naeun. Sunggyu had watched Myungsoo's
speechlessness and the color leave Sungjong's face and still he felt powerless to speak up to their manager.
"Do we have to keep doing this?" Hoya asked him finally. The others weren't around but Hoya didn't look like he cared if they were. He looked down at
his shoes and then back up at Sunggyu, "It's kinda painful to watch." He continued in his simple, no bullshit, very Hoya way. Together they glanced
over towards their friends who had gathered at the rehearsal studio, in particular amongst them was Naeun, the real reason they'd been gathered.
Sunggyu had never agreed with anything more.
In the corner, in true Myungsoo fashion, Myungsoo and Naeun leaned close together, speaking quietly. Naeun smiled brightly and laughed genuienly and
Sunggyu knew she was a great girl, but Myungsoo's attention unconsciously pulled towards Sungjong by habit. His eyes strayed and smile seemed crooked
and stiff. Sunggyu sighed seeing it, following the glances towards Sungjong's hunched shoulders as he tagged along behind Dongwoo, giving smiles
generously but not the outgoing maknae they usually knew.
It was painful to watch and Sunggyu regretted it completely.
"I didn't even know you knew about them." Sunggyu muttered weakly instead, though of course it was common knowledge.
"I thought we all knew they were dating from the beginning." Hoya shrugged, all nonchalant. Hands in his pockets and everything.
"What?" Sunggyu turned on him, "Myungsoo didn't even like Sungjong at first."
Again Hoya shrugged, "He got over himself pretty fast."
"How do you even know that?"
"You guys don't pay attention." Hoya shook his head but lifted his head and met Sunggyu's eyes seriously. "But really, I'm just putting this out there:
I don't mind them dating. I want it. That's my vote." With that Hoya turned and waded into the small group pulsing with music.
"Me too." Woohyun offered suddenly, popping up behind Sunggyu. "At first maybe it made sense... but now I just think its not worth it." He explained
awkwardly. "I just wanna let them be." Both of them glanced over to Sungjong who had detached himself from Dongwoo and stationed himself alone, face
down and uninviting. "It's sad."
Sunggyu felt Woohyun slap a hand over his shoulder and sighed. "It is."
Naeun was gorgeous and would have made a beautiful couple wih Myungsoo, Sunggyu realized when she found him, smiling widely and offering a drink. He'd
spoken to her before briefly and remembered her being friendly and funny. He was almost sorry about ruining a relationship that hadn't even begun yet,
but shot a look towards Sungjong's shadowed face and it hardened his resolve, Sunggyu began opened his mouth to tell her that she and Myungsoo probably
wouldn't work out.
Naeun beat him to it. "Myungsoo's already got his heart set on someone doesn't he?" She narrowed her eyes playfully and sipped her drink.
"What?"
Rolling her eyes, Naeun dropped her arms and vaguely gestured towards Myungsoo, looking tired and dejected. "I can keep a secret but Myungsoo doesn't
seem too enthusiastic about me."
"I'm sorry." He told her, because he had no way to comfort the truth.
"Nah, it's okay. I can't be mad at that look on his face." She chuckled lightly. "It is frustrating that I'm missing out though. Maybe I could be some
good competition?" She laughed louder now, "Is that bitchy?"
When Sunggyu didn't answer her though Naeun straightened and asked, "Can I ask who it is?" She must have seen Sunggyu's face twist because she nudged
his shoulder and her voice was sincere when she said "I was serious about being able to keep a secret."
The hesitation lasted for just a moment. Sunggyu narrowed his eyes playfully like she had and made his decision. "It's Sungjong."
Naeun's eyes became wide. "They're dating?"
With a bitter frown, Sunggyu admitted "They were."
"What happened?"
"You know," Sunggyu shrugged, "it's not exactly the kind of thing that attracts good attention no matter how much we might want it to. Our manager
thought it'd be a good idea to just let them cool down."
"That's... terrible." Sunggyu felt genuine sympathy in her voice.
"And I kind of agreed. I pushed them into it."
Naeun nodded, took a long sip of her drink but didn't push that. Instead she asked, "How long?"
"A little over a year."
Their eyes both sought out Myungsoo. He and Sungjong had practically gravitated towards each other but they didn't interact. They both looked like they
were trying to stay busy.
"And they can't. What? They can't talk?"
Sunggyu winced a little, though Naeun's voice held no venom. "No they. They talk and joke-- they're still friends. They just. You can tell sometimes
that its not enough." He admitted. "Myungsoo wants to take care of Sungjong when he's sick. Sungjong wants to be there for Myungsoo to talk to when he
feels like drinking too much-- and they can do that, but," he pauses and feels like he couldn't explain right. He would never be able to. Finally he
just decides to finish with "You can tell it's not enough. It's not the way they want."
Naeun sighed. "Shit." She said bluntly and Sunggyu laughed halfheartedly. She waited a long time before she asked, "So what are you guys gonna do?"
Sunggyu cleared his throat, "I'm going to try to fix what I did. I had no place in interfering, and I know it won't get them back the time they lost,
but I don't want to make them feel that way anymore."
Naeun smiled big and bright at him. "That sounds like a good plan."
Nodding, Sunggyu continued, "Our managers want to use you two for publicity, though. And maybe?" Sunggyu began askingly, "That's not such a bad idea.
Then at least they get a choice in their secrecy. Only if its alright with you, though."
"I'm up for it!" Naeun said cheerfully. One of her small hands patted his back. "I can't imagine spending that long pining."
"Well they won't have to anymore. I shouldn't have made them." He sighed one last time and smiled down at her, "Now I just have to tell our manager."
"And them."
"That too."
Sunggyu spent most of the party contemplating what he would say to their manager. It still made him nervous to defy an authority figure, though he was
an adult himself, especially someone he trusted and respected, but Sunggyu needed to do this.
Sunggyu opened the car doors for the others when they were ready to leave. Naeun hugged Myungsoo goodbye and winked at Sunggyu secretly. It gave him a
little kick of motivation. He smiled sadly at the way Sungjong and Myungsoo sat stiffly next to each other, looking defeated. Sungjong carefully not
looking at anyone and Myungsoo's jaw set, looking firmly ahead. Sunggyu looked away from them and asked silently that they just wait a little. Sunggyu
could fix this for them.
"They're gonna kill me." Dongwoo groaned when he sat down. He sounded like a frustrated babysitter.
Only Sunggyu and Dongwoo remained in the living room, the rest having changed into sleep clothes and dropping in their beds.
"You sound like a frustrated babysitter." Sunggyu told him.
Dongwoo chuckled slightly, but rubbed the back of his neck. "It is frustrating."
Sunggyu wanted to tell him that he knew how frustrating it was for all of them, but Dongwoo took care of them. He kind of was their baby sitter. "You
always have their backs." He offered instead.
Dongwoo just stretched out on the floor. "We'll Myungsoo didn't drink much tonight. So I'd don't have to worry about that. Sungjong stayed to himself,
though, so it's not all golden. He'll probably have bags under his eyes tomorrow." Dongwoo groaned "When did they become my children I'm too young to
be worrying about my babies skipping meals because they're heart broken."
"Who's been skipping meals?" Sunggyu snapped up.
"Sungjong." It came out tiredly. "He doesn't have an appetite lately, but I don't think he does it on purpose."
"He doesn't eat?"
Chuckling, Dongwoo let his head rest against the floor. "Well, he does when I tell Myungsoo."
That made Sunggyu laugh a little, but he but his lip. "Dongwoo." He started with a little trouble. Dongwoo had closed his eyes and Sunggyu thought hat
made it easier, "I need to tell our manager to fuck off."
Dongwoo's left eye opened cautiously and his eyebrows furrowed, "Why?"
"I was wrong. They shouldn't have to go thought this."
A glance wasn't even needed to tell Dongwoo's mouth was wide open.
"They can decide for themselves whether they want to keep Naeun as a front, but they're not bothering anyone."
"You don't think they'll be negative towards Infinite?" Dongwoo asked, unconvinced.
"Maybe." Sunggyu sighed and shook his head, "Maybe, but its just not worth it. I shouldn't have interfered in the first place."
By then Dongwoo had sat up and was shinning his big grin at Sunggyu. "Really? That's great."
It felt great talking about it. There was something that still worried him a little. Almost shyly he asked, "Do you think... they'll hate me for what I
did?"
"They don't hate you." Dongwoo didn't hesitate to tell him. "They don't now, they didn't at first and they're not going to change their minds."
It was a relief to hear. Sunggyu relaxed against the wall. He almost couldn't wait to tell them. He wanted to do it right though. Sunggyu wanted to
tell their manager that they didnt care about bad press if it happened. They would take Myungsoo and Sungjong as they were.
Their manager took it well, really. He was against it. He did his best to persuade Sunggyu otherwise, but Sunggyu made it clear to him that they'd all
agreed. He explained that Naeun was on their side, an ace up their sleeve if thy needed her, but that he was done making his brothers miserable. The
manager reluctantly understood. Just like that. Sunggyu felt the pressure lift from his chest.
He really couldn't wait to tell them. And he got his chance. Sunggyu found them in the kitchen. The house was quiet with Woohyun napping in his and
Sunggyu's room and Sungyeol with his earbuds shut away in his own room. Dongwoo and Hoya had gone out and there was little light in the house. He felt
like an intruder.
Myungsoo's hands pinned Sungjong's hips to the counter and Sungjong's fingers clutched so hard at Myungsoo's shoulders Sunggyu thought they might be
arguing, but when he got closer he saw they weren't saying anything at all, just leaning together, foreheads touching. Sunggyu felt himself grinning.
It broke his heart and it hit him at the same time that he could fix it.
"You looked good together." Sungjong whispered, Sunggyu could barely hear. But he clearly heard Myungsoo's short "Shut up."
"I don't want her." He continued and when Sungjong made a whining noise at the back of his throat Myungsoo forcefully straightened his back and
unfurled from around Sungjong. "This is the last time, I promise." He told Sungjong, but Sungjong's hands wrapped around the back of his neck.
"No it's not." Sunggyu spoke up.
He could have punched himself when the sound of his voice made them jump apart. He could see the color draining Myungsoo's face. Almost all of
Sungjong's iris was visible in his eyes. He was too frozen to fix the mess Myungsoo's meddling fingers had made at the side of his head. They looked
terrified.
Myungsoo spoke first, "We didn't-- we weren't doing anything. We just,"
"This doesn't happen a lot." Sungjong pushed in.
"Yeah. Don't worry."
"Shit," Sunggyu slapped his own forehead.
"No, no it's okay," Myungsoo went on, "We're keeping our promise, this is nothing." Sunggyu heard the quiver in his deep voice.
"This is nothing." Sungjong echoed.
"Shit!" Sunggyu groaned again, "I'm here to tell you it's okay!" He spit out. "I just got back from seeing our manager."
"What?" Sungjong blinked at him.
"I'm sorry." Sunggyu murmured. He bowed his head and felt the heaviness of the guilt he'd been carrying for a little over a year, "I'm so sorry. I
think we should disregard our 'promise'. That was... a really stupid decision."
Both Myungsoo and Sungjong stared. It took a moment before Myungsoo seemed to get his mouth working again. "But you were right. It was selfish of us to
threaten the band like that."
Sunggyu shook his head, "No. It's not our place to intrude on your personal life." He glanced up, but both of them still looking uncomprehending and
very pale.
"We're both part of Infinite, the band is our personal life. We had no right." Sungjong argued. His eyes were wide and honest and Sunggyu almost
couldn't believe the amount of blame Sungjong and Myungsoo must have put on themselves. He hadn't wanted that.
"Maybe," Sunggyu allowed, "but its not worth it. We don't want to see you both this way anymore."
"What way?" Myungsoo asked nervously.
Sunggyu threw his hands up, "You drink a lot now. You fake smile in public, Myungsoo. You're colder. And Sungjong, you hide yourself away. You're
insincere when you laugh, we can tell. You're both miserable." They didn't look at him and Sunggyu sighed again, "We hate it."
"This is what you wanted." Myungsoo grit out tightly, finally lifting his eyes defiantly.
"I know. And I'm so sorry."
"What does the manager say?" Asked Sungjong, voice delicate and smooth and more levelheaded than Sunggyu felt.
"He's never going to like it, probably, since it could bring us bad press, but," Sunggyu steps closer and spreads his hands pleadingly, "that doesn't
matter. The rest of us: me, Woohyun, Hoya, Sungyeol and Dongwoo don't mind. We want you guys happy again." His eyes find the floor again, "I know it
doesn't make up for all the time you guys spent suffering. I can't make up for that. I wish I could take this back."
When Sunggyu looks back up again, the look of disbelief still dominates Myungsoo and Sungjong's faces, but they have color now. Sungjong bounces just
lightly on his toes. There's some animation behind his eyes, and that's a new development. "Are you. Is this." Sungjong blunders for his words. "Is
this serious?" He settles on.
"Yes." Sunggyu breathes.
Sungjong blinks once, twice and chokes out, "No take backs hyung. You don't get to change your mind."
"I wouldn't." Sunggyu promises, "I'm sorry" he says again, because he can't stop feeling sorry. But he smiles when Sungjong turns to Myungsoo and
Myungsoo just opens his arms for him without a moments hesitation. Sunggyu can see his face hooked over Sungjong's shoulder. Still disbelieving.
Sunggyu can imagine. He took a year from them. Myungsoo turns his straight nose into the soft looking hair behind Sungjong's ear.
"I'm gonna." Sunggyu says awkwardly, pointing to the door. Not for the first time he feels like he's seeing something too intimate. "We can talk more
tomorrow." But they're not paying attention to him. It's pretty great. He manages to back away without startling nature and gets to his room where he
just barely resists waking Woohyun up to tell him the news. Barely. He changed clothes and slips into his bed instead.
It turned out he didn't have to wake anyone up, though, because Sungyeol's yell had them both up and pushing into the living room. Dongwoo and Hoya
returned right on time to watch Sungyeol bouncing excitedly outside of the kitchen.
"They did it!" He gasps, "Those fornicators! Look at them!" He pointed accusingly and Myungsoo pushed himself past Sungyeol. He was shirtless and
crossing his arms like that might hide it or as though they'd never seen it before. The red flush looked very nice on him.
"We didn't do anything." He grumbled, slapping away the hand Sungyeol reached out to pinch his red cheek and headed quickly for his room. Sungjong
followed behind closely wearing all of his clothes but with a pink, swollen bottom lip and hair messier than Sunggyu ever saw Sungjong let it become.
"Yet." Sungjong adds on cheekily and closes Myungsoo's door behind him firmly.
Dongwoo spins towards Sunggyu when it closes and gives him a wide smile.
"Thank god." Hoya groans, dropping to the floor and stretching out luxuriously, "Yah, Dongwoo-hyung, you wanna use Sungjong's bed tonight?"
Okay woah my sleep schedule is so fucked up right now I am drugged up with so much NyQuil I don't think you understand. I just want to sleep
and not feel like turds when I wake up but it's not happening what is wrong with you body you are agAINST ME. I should have gotten my flu shot
this year. This is the longest I've made you wait I think, you brats. Sorry, things didn't come easy this week. This is chapter is outside pov,
which is one of my favorite things in the world and pretty much a The End-ish chapter, but I have a little SOMETHIN SOMETHIN CHAPTER COMIN NEXT
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN SO STAY OR DON'T YOUR DECISION CHOOSE WISELY WOW I WROTE THIS ON NYQUIL YOU JUST REMEMBER THAT BEFORE YOU JUDGE ITS
QUALITY.
Wow there is no way I'm awake enough to retread this right now, if it has so many mistakes that it distracts you, just gimme a day and maybe I
will be a real person again by then.