If the World Believed You Wicked | part 9
Title: If the World Believed You Wicked
Pairing: Myungsoo/Sungjong
Rating: NC-17 overall, I guess, most of the time PG-13
Warnings: I'm new to Infinite, I have lots of typos, I'm lazy, and I believe in happy endings. Also: If its legal its gonna get some booty-- there was your sex talk.
Notes: Cross-posted to asianfanfics under the name valeronova
Summary: Myungsoo from thinking Sungjong is a pissy diva brat to Myungsoo thinking Sungjong is a pissy diva brat that he can't live without and a whole lot more. A Process.
Months passed before their group really felt like it was normal again. What had happened wasn't spoke of, and the awkwardness was forgotten.
Keeping distant and obeying their promise to Sunggyu and the manager became second nature. Like they were back to before, only now there was a big road sign saying "do no enter" and Myungsoo was so used to it now he didn't acknowledge it. That didn't make the longing go away, and sometimes it was worse than others, but it was bearable.
They could be alone together,even. They were trusted to be alone. That was progress.
It was the little things that marked the difference between before and after their separation; Myungsoo couldn't touch Sungjong. He might have brushed him every now and then but, barring Sungjong's sickness, Myungsoo hadn't touched him. It was an unspoken rule set, and honestly it was probably for the best. He spent time alone with Sungjong, but not too much. Sometimes he furtively watched Sunggyu's face to judge whether something was okay or not. Dongwoo also still served as a bit of a buffer.
Myungsoo trusted his hyungs to take care of Sungjong when Sungjong couldn't take care of himself (which wasn't often; Sungjong wasn't inept or anything), but Myungsoo counted on Dongwoo to do what Myungsoo couldn't, if need be.
"How can you look so bored when we're buying food?" Sungjong asked him, reaching out to turn a head of lettuce. He frowned at the wilted side that had been hidden from view and moved on to the next one.
"I'm not bored! This is my face." Myungsoo responded automatically and then he froze a little, remembering having a similar conversation before. He pushed on, "I just don't care much for pork."
Sungjong spun around and pushed a bag of vegetables into him arms. "I know. You prefer beef, but you eat it anyway."
"Doesn't everyone prefer beef?"
"No, I like them all." Sungjong grinned.
"Greedy." Myungsoo sniffed and took the bags as Sungjong piled them. "Yah, are you taking responsibility for any of this?" He could barely see past the groceries in his arms and other bags dangling from his fingers hit his legs as he walked.
Sungjong just laughed, "Nope!"
There was a moment there, as Sungjong smiled brightly at him and happily turned his attention back to scouting vegetables, when his heart panged violently. Myungsoo knew how to handle it by now, though. He just breathed out deeply and continued to follow Sungjong obediently.
On their rare days off when they weren't at home and passed out or being hermits and were actually socializing for reasons that had nothing to do with Infinite, they usually went out and found a friends house, quiet and close and relaxing. Or they might go out somewhere loud and anonymous. It kind of depended on who got to decide. They weren't stuck to each other-- they did have lives of their own, but they still managed to spend most of their time in each others pockets anyway.
Hoya had the kind of friends that you felt comfortable sitting back on the couch with, the lounging about and talking without purpose all night kind of friends, and Myungsoo appreciated that. He especially appreciated it when he was feeling tired and worn, didn't want to do anything but wear his own clothes and let others do the talking for him. He might have made some pretty inhuman noises if someone were to try to engage him as he was.
Dongwoo knew it, and threw him his pants as they got ready. His nice old jeans; worn in all the right places, but in a dark wash so no one bitched at him about being too badly dressed. He pulled on a soft, cool t-shirt that might have been Dongwoo's, but who cared. Myungsoo liked comfort clothes.
Sungjong had pulled on something simple and comfortable too, Myungsoo saw as he went to wait in the living room, but he still looked classy and fashionable in that effortless way he always did. He probably didn't even think about it.
Myungsoo chuckled and sat next to him, stretching out on his back. Wordlessly, Sungjong pushed over the bamboo pillow and Myungsoo clung to it, h'mming his thanks.
No one told him, however, that his calm night would be ruined. He should have known when Woohyun came out all dressed up. He should have known when he was making fun of how long Woohyun took on his hair that there was an alternative motive: girls.
Myungsoo groaned. He'd be expected to talk and socialize and be charming. It came easy to the others, but it took effort for Myungsoo, regardless of what they thought of his "natural charm".
Luckily it was less of a shoved-into-a-room-with-people-didn't-want-to-talk-to that he'd expected and more of the party he didn't think he'd want. Which was fine because it gave that sense of anonymity. He could blend back into the walls without people caring much what his name was and try to block noise out. There were nights that he enjoyed things like this, but more often than not he didn't care either way.
"Kim Myungsoo?" A girl asked him, right as he'd gotten comfortable, tucked into a hallway with little traffic and nursing a drink.
The others had been pulled away; they'd be inevitably meeting back up and dispersing again all night anyway. Everybody wanted to talk to Dongwoo and Sungyeol had given up trying to drag Myungsoo along-- he knew the program, and he'd be trying again later. Woohyun would be flirting, Hoya might be hovering around the dj or wearing his "judging you" face at all the trashed dancers, Sunggyu would be doing who knows what, always a mixture of profound drunkness and a kid who couldn't hold his liquor, and lastly, Sungjong was their little social butterfly. He had friends everywhere to talk to, though he rarely drank anything at all. Probably to save himself from the teasing of his hyungs.
"Yes." Myungsoo nodded politely, and prepared himself for her conversation.
"How are you tonight?" She smiled sweetly, leaning back against the opposite wall.
"I'm alright." Myungsoo smiled back, trying to politely give the bare minimum. The girl was familiar, and he was sure he'd seen her on tv, but she didn't offer her name, and he hoped she didn't notice his apathy to ask.
"You've looked upset lately. Everyone wonders about you."
"Huh?" Myungsoo laughed.
"Come on, you've seemed down for a while."
"What? Of course not. Why would I be upset?"
The girl shrugged and looked down in a way that she probably thought made her look coy, "I don't know. People say you have a cool personality, but I just think you've been sad. Did you break up with someone?"
Myungsoo coughed up a little of his drink, which made her smile victoriously. "No, sometimes people mistake my expressions for being angry or sad--" Myungsoo said quickly, "but this is just the way my face is." Why was he always having to tell people that?
Smiling, the girl stepped forward confidently. "Okay," she allowed, "I was gonna try to help you forget about her," she stopped when her toes hit Myungsoo's, "but now I guess there won't be anyone on your mind but me."
How a woman that was at least a foot shorter than him could intimidate him so much was a mystery to Myungsoo.
"Um." He said as she leaned in, "I'm sorry." Myungsoo gently put a hand on her shoulder and pushed away before any contact could be made. She was beautiful and probably really cool. She seemed considerate, caring about his feelings, though it might have been a crush. "I'm sorry, but I have someone right now." He lied. Though maybe technically it wasn't.
He felt bad about the fierce blush on the girl's cheeks. She backed away from him immediately. "Oh, I'm sorry." She murmured.
"No it's fine."
She gave him an awkward smile and jerked her thumb over her shoulder, "I've gotta go." She said, and Myungsoo could feel her embarrassment. It was kind of sweet.
Myungsoo watched her walk away and sighed in relief when he was alone again, though it wasn't for long, because he noticed Dongwoo on the other side of the hall in the corner of his eye. Dongwoo was looking the other way at someone, but smiled when he saw Myungsoo coming toward him.
"Isn't it your lucky night?" He laughed.
Myungsoo scrunched up his nose, "I wouldn't say lucky."
"Well now it is. Some girl threw her drink in Woohyun's face."
"That's lucky for me?"
"He doesn't want to stay anymore. I think he really liked the girl and it embarrassed him."
"Oh." For a moment Myungsoo felt guilty for the girl and the feeling of rejection she must have, but unfortunately the idea of getting to go home so soon won out. He grinned.
He hadn't lied, after all. He had someone that wasn't going anywhere. For a long time. And he couldn't help that.
He got into the car happily after the others. Everyone else had been having fun, but were too tired to not appreciate calling it an early night. Woohyun was wet and sulky while Dongwoo and Sungyeol tried to cheer him up. Sungjong though was quiet in his usual seat next to Myungsoo, not chatting happily as he usually did. He was more tucked against Dongwoo, too. There wasn't much room in the seat, but usually Myungsoo could count of the pressure of Sungjong's leg against his. Now, Sungjong's leg lightly touched his, and his eyes didn't lift from the floor.
Sungjong was quiet the whole way, actually. Making noncommittal noises tiredly when asked a question or spoken to. Myungsoo might have just assumed he was exhausted, but Sungjong had looked bright eyed going into the party. Now his head hung lightly and his cheeks were flushed, probably by alcohol, which was surprising.
At home, Sungjong went for his bedroom first. The others took shortcuts washing up and took blankets to lay outside where it was warm and they could talk lazily in the dark. It was a nice night for it, but Myungsoo didn't know if he'd make it.
"Sungjongie." Myungsoo heard as he headed to the bathroom. It was Dongwoo's voice behind Sungjong's cracked door.
Suddenly Myungsoo didn't feel as tired. He crept towards the door, pushing it just slightly until it was wide enough to see Sungjong's face buried in his pillows and Dongwoo standing with his hands on his hips, back to Myungsoo.
"Sungjong-ah."
"Mm." Sungjong mumbled pitifully.
"What the matter with you." Dongwoo demanded, not eve like a question, but as a reprimand.
Myungsoo couldn't even see Sungjong's face, but his shoulders hunched in and Myungsoo felt his heart pang a little in response, as usual.
"About Myungie?" Dongwoo asked without asking again. When there was no response Dongwoo's voice became a little softer. "Are you jealous?"
After a long minute, Sungjong's quiet voiced answered "Of course I'm jealous."
"Why?"
Sungjong pushed himself up, but his shoulders still hunched up defensively, "I don't mean to be." He keened.
"I know you don't."
"I try not to be."
"I know you do."
"I can't help it." Sungjong whined.
"He doesn't like any of those girls." Dongwoo said eventually, but Sungjong dropped right back into his face.
"He could, though." Sungjong's voice was low and hurt and Myungsoo's chest ached so much he pulled back before he could hear more.
He should have been elated to hear of Sungjong's interest still strong in him, but all it was, was hurt and frustration. That they both obviously still liked each other and everyone knew it-- but they had to do this.
He couldn't sleep after that. There was no way, but he wrapped up and closed his eyes anyway. Dongwoo came in soon after and settled down for bed.
Usually Myungsoo slept well, but the problem was that that he either slept heavily or not at all. He wouldn't be sleeping tonight. So Myungsoo wiped at his face tiredly and got up. He could make tea and watch a movie on Dongwoo's computer, at least.
The kitchen was dark and so were the other room, Myungsoo wasn't sure if the others had come in or just slept outside. Myungsoo didn't need much light to function anyway, he would adjust. He wasn't alone though, his feet soon hit something soft on the floor that yelped at him and made him jump. He might have yelled, but a soft voice said "Myungsoo-hyung?"
"Jongie?" Myungsoo asked, nudging the mass on the floor again with his foot.
"Yah, stop kicking me and I will share my canned peaches."
With a grin, Myungsoo dropped to the floor and Sungjong scooted over to him. A can and spoon was pushed into his hands.
"Why are you up?" Sungjong questioned as Myungsoo took a bite.
Because of goddamn you. Myungsoo thought immediately, then the rest of him paused to catch up.
Sungjong was pressed against his side now, and Myungsoo thought about the car ride home. Sungjong had plenty of room here, but he was still pressed closer.
"You call me greedy," Sungjong grunted, pulling the can of peaches from him when he hadn't responded for a moment.
Myungsoo's eyes were slowly adjusting to the darkness as well as they could. When they did, he could barely see Sungjong's face with the screened moonlight from the window. Sungjong wasn't looking at him.
"Why are you up?" Myungsoo asked him in return.
Sungjong's head snapped up and Myungsoo could practically feel their eyes meet, though it was so dark.
"I couldn't sleep." Sungjong murmured.
"Me neither." Myungsoo said just as quietly. "I thought I'd make some tea and put in a movie."
"Oh."
"Why can't you sleep?" Myungsoo pushed on, though he knew he really shouldn't. This was dangerous territory; this was his big "do not enter" sign.
Sungjong didn't respond though, and he didn't look away.
This was happening, Myungsoo supposed. It was dark and he was suddenly filled with courage and his heart ached so badly that he might have done it anyway-- he might have gone crazy. He would just do what he did best: not think about it.
"I don't want other girls." Myungsoo said. Sungjong's mouth opened, but no sound came out, and Myungsoo's resolve hardened, "I don't want anyone. And I can't do anything about it."
"Hyung."
"Don't call me that."
"Myungsoo-yah."
Myungsoo shivered; yes. That was better.