(no subject)
I cant stop crying. Im shaking like mad. I saw my mom today. In the hospital.And I just. walked in, and she was just laying there. She wasnt moving. And she opened her eyes, and tears just started rolling down her face. And she couldnt say anything. And i couldnt stand to see her like that. with all those wires. and machines, and the pain in her eyes, it literally killed me. I dont know if shes going to be ok. I mean, when i left. She was talking, but her bloodpressure was dropping, and they couldnt get the bleeding to stop. Everytime she took a breath she cringed and clenched her fist. And there was NOTHING i could do. I couldnt take her pain away. I wanted to so bad. I wanted to be in pain. Not her. I can handle it. I cant handle seeing her in pain. And i held my composure all through alex's and jamming. and with owen, and now. i just cant hold it in anymore. I am completely numb, except for the crying to the point that im shaking. I cant think of anything, but her face when i had to leave. She wanted me to stay. And i left. I couldnt stay there. I couldnt see her like that. And i left. She wanted me to stay, but i left. What kind of a child doesnt stay with her mother? What kind of a horrible person puts themself before everyone else even when its their own mother?! i cant breathe.