(no subject)
I'm in such a strange place. When I was a kid (which I guess I'm not anymore... when did this happen?) it seemed like months and years crawled by painfully slow. Then you graduate high school, and someone pushes fast forward. Your age-out approaches, you're now running the colorguard you marched in high school, the people you thought would be at your side forever are gone, your baby brother turns seventeen, last year feels like yesterday, and when your mom was your age- she was getting married and have her first baby.
A year ago I was vacationing in Florida, and I feel like I just got home. I'm marching winterguard, and I'm teaching it. Its so hard living so far away from my friends. I really did leave pieces of my heart in West Chester, but when I was in WC, pieces of my heart were in Lock Haven. I had a wonderful Christmas, and I still enjoy everyday with my family. I'm glad I'm going to be here for my brothers as their last years of innocence fall through the hour glass. Although immature and still often annoying, they have huge hearts and a lot to offer to whatever they do, if they can channel their passion and energy. They are so different, but they are also quite similar. It's strange being in the middle, because I feel like the odd one out. My sisters seem to have it figured out, Sheila knows where she wants to be in life, for her its a matter of getting there. Katie isn't where she maybe thought she would be, and she may not be completely content here, but for now- it works for her.
Me? I'm all over the place. West Chester, Lock Haven, Winterguard, Drum Corps, Disney. I don't know what I want. I know what I like, and what I don't, but that doesn't seem to matter much. I thought I would eventually figure out where I was going, but that hasn't happened. I should be graduating in three semesters, but I honestly have no idea when that will happen, and its actually embarrassing.
I feel like I have so much passion and energy and I want to do something great, but I look around, and nothing is appealing. I'm not talented enough, and simply don't have the work ethic to make up for it. I am very aware of that. I guess I just feel like I'm coasting, and that there's nothing out there for me. And now, there's no one here for me. No one it listen, no one that's interested. I feel so abandoned and betrayed. I hate the anger that you left in my heart, and I fully blame you for it.
A year ago I was vacationing in Florida, and I feel like I just got home. I'm marching winterguard, and I'm teaching it. Its so hard living so far away from my friends. I really did leave pieces of my heart in West Chester, but when I was in WC, pieces of my heart were in Lock Haven. I had a wonderful Christmas, and I still enjoy everyday with my family. I'm glad I'm going to be here for my brothers as their last years of innocence fall through the hour glass. Although immature and still often annoying, they have huge hearts and a lot to offer to whatever they do, if they can channel their passion and energy. They are so different, but they are also quite similar. It's strange being in the middle, because I feel like the odd one out. My sisters seem to have it figured out, Sheila knows where she wants to be in life, for her its a matter of getting there. Katie isn't where she maybe thought she would be, and she may not be completely content here, but for now- it works for her.
Me? I'm all over the place. West Chester, Lock Haven, Winterguard, Drum Corps, Disney. I don't know what I want. I know what I like, and what I don't, but that doesn't seem to matter much. I thought I would eventually figure out where I was going, but that hasn't happened. I should be graduating in three semesters, but I honestly have no idea when that will happen, and its actually embarrassing.
I feel like I have so much passion and energy and I want to do something great, but I look around, and nothing is appealing. I'm not talented enough, and simply don't have the work ethic to make up for it. I am very aware of that. I guess I just feel like I'm coasting, and that there's nothing out there for me. And now, there's no one here for me. No one it listen, no one that's interested. I feel so abandoned and betrayed. I hate the anger that you left in my heart, and I fully blame you for it.