so much for love
so much for attempting to be in a good mood. the glint in his eye wasn't for me. i guess, sadly enough it's at that point. but my best friend? well, at least she was honest to me and at least she didn't allow herself to be placed in that position of no turning back. at least that is something, i still have a friend. well, fuck. i don't think i will come back from europe. maybe they will let me stay. i can prove i'm english and i do speak the lanuage. they have cars in england, right? no more bush, no more self loathing, no more white liberal guilt, no more family. well, i will miss my dad and brother. they understand me. i don't. fuck realtionships. they are too damn hard and complicated, fuck being grown and mature, so what, i'll be that old lady sitting at the end of the bar by myself. i'll go home to my cats and occasionally bring someone with me. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfcukfcukfuckfuckfucthere is something twistedly meditative about hitting those four keys, very rymthic. SAVE ME, JEBUS! i'm so sick of this, what? do guys just want an unopinionated, never to bitch, bow at your feet and service you woman? you can't have a fucking thought in your fucking head? you can't have an opinion? when he asks you if you think he's fat and bitches about it, you can't tell him when you see him with the package of cookies that's why he so fucking fat? when he's supposed to stay at home to be the "stay at home dad" and he doesn't do the job requirements, you have no fuucking say so in the matter? hey, when i stayed at home, the bills were paid, the house was spotless, and the baby was well taken care of. dinner wasn't on the table when he got home because he didn't get hungrey until after he got stoned and then didn't like what i cooked because it's not out of a goddamn box or frozen pizza. hey, sorry bud, my mom didn't feed me shit, she may be a lot of things and a good southern cook was one. that's why your fat and i'm a size two, because I DON"T EAT SHIT!!!!!!! so i'm supposed to go to a crappy job for 9 hours and not be upset when i come home and the house is a wreak?
i'm supposed to come home and clean it? because i don't know about ya'll but i can't live in fucking filth. i've tried not riding him about it and it only encouraged to mess. " duh, she didn't say anything, maybe she didn't notice, maybe she don't care, duh" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! time for me to crawl in my shell and die.
i'm supposed to come home and clean it? because i don't know about ya'll but i can't live in fucking filth. i've tried not riding him about it and it only encouraged to mess. " duh, she didn't say anything, maybe she didn't notice, maybe she don't care, duh" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! time for me to crawl in my shell and die.