(no subject)
Like I said.... keeping up the posts in terms of copy and paste. So here we go.....
My first official post.
I will be leaving for college in about.... one month, and four days. Before that, I'd like to spend as much time with the people I have come to love in the past years as much as possible.
I know, I am not leaving forever. But it /is/ technically the last time I will always be living at home. The last time I will be around my friends 24-7. The last time I will be so easily available to my friends. The last time my friends will be available for /me/. The last time I can run home to my parents when I'm upset at the world--yet, also the last time I can run to someone love and trust when my parents are the ones upsetting me.
It's sort of hard to realize that wow.... my life as a child is coming to an end. I am eighteen... I am considered an adult. If I committed a crime, I would be tried as an adult, simply because of my age. It doesn't matter that I don't feel ready to grow up. I /am/ grown up. My age makes it that way. It is time for me to learn to fend for myself, time for me to learn to depend on myself. I don't feel ready. I really don't. But I must learn... because my situation is forcing me to.
College is the first time I'll be living away from home. Northwestern, here I come. I'm going to work hard there, make my new life there for the next seven years. I know myself. I know my goals. And I know I'm lazy, but Northwestern is a fresh new start. I've lagged a bit on some things for Northwestern, but I can still make that fresh start. I can learn to be more responsible, not only for myself, but for others as well. It will be one, long, hard, continuing lesson, as I've been spoiled my whole life, but.... as much as I fear these lessons, I am also looking forward to it. Because I believe learning will make me a better person. Knowing my goals and learning to achieve them myself.... that will be a lesson in which I can only gain, and never lose.
I think what upsets me most are the people that I will be leaving behind.
My blood family. My mother, my father, and my dear, beloved little sister. I know... I get into arguments with them. I feel like my parents nag me. Sometimes, I annoy them too. My little sister and I don't always get along. But who cares? We're family. We love each other.... to death, if the situation ever arose. And it is my family I will constantly be coming back to, no matter where I am, where I move to, where I go to school. I know that. Also, my family has stuck with me all my life. No matter what I've done wrong, what sins I'm committed, what evilness I've bordered upon, my family has been there to set me on a straight line. To keep me on that line and to help me in the years I could have messed up and been influenced the most. It is because of them I have made it this far, and succeed as much as I have so far. I love them and appreciate everything they've done for me. Thank you.
My adopted siblings as well as my little sister (again). Daron, Haku, Stephanie, and last but not least.... Jina/Laura. I can't begin to emphasize how much these girls have crawled into my heart.... have /been/ in my heart for the past three years (Jina, for my whole life). They are my little sisters. Naturally... my blood little sister also has the love I feel for family as well, but I include her in this category, because in terms of sisterly love and treatment, she gets the absolute most. But I love all four of these girls... to death. I'd die for them, and I'm very protective of them. If they ever got hurt.... I'd seriously, murder the person who hurt them. While they are my little sisters... they are also my friends. Jina... I've become closer to in the past year, because I drove her everywhere. Yes, she can be exasperating, but I'm sure I'm just as exasperating to her. She has her loving moments... and deep down, no matter how she acts, I know she thinks a lot, and I know she truly cares. Daron, Haku, Stephanie... I know I'm pretty harsh with them at times as well. But seriously.... I love them like I love my little sister and look upon them with similar protectivity. I hope all four of these girls can also view me as friends.
My best friend. Emily. Oh gah... where can I start? The most unusual circumstances indeed threw us together. But slowly, over time, we became the best of friends. She's helped me, and I think I've helped her as well. Sometimes? I hope so. Yes, she can be critical, and yes, sometimes, she doesn't notice things she should. But she's a great person, and she has a great heart. She deserves the best. I truly hope she finds it. I will miss her so much; she's like a twin sister to me. Older than me, but twin sister nevertheless. I'll definitely be keeping in touch....
The rest of the handfuls of my closest friends. They know who they are. Janae, Jose, CJ, Chris, Allyn, Alpha buddies, Ramentard buddies, believe it or not... teachers.... the list goes on and on. I've been surrounded by these people within the past years of my life..... and I've turned to so many of these people for help. It will be so hard... leaving them behind, living so many hundreds of miles away. I won't be going to school and seeing these people anymore. We don't go to the same school anymore. I'm sure we'll all meet again, somewhere, somehow, but not on a daily basis. Not the way we used to. I can't say I'll be able to keep in contact with all these people. I also can't say I'll remember the names of all these people. But it's these people who truly left a mark in my heart and mind; a mark in my life from age zero to eighteen. It is to much of these people that I owe myself and who I am to. From these people, I learned so much. From these people, I've gotten so much support. Thank you....
Last but not least.... Jin-oppa. I don't even know where to begin. He came into my life so late, but it seems as if I've known him forever. I can't imagine my life without him....; indeed, I can't believe that I've not known him all my life! It's as if he understand who I really am, what I really think..... So many coincidences brought us together, that it definitely can't be just a coincidence. But he makes me happy, beyond all reason.... and I trust him with my life, with my whole heart. He's afraid that he won't be able to keep me happy.... but I know he will. We have similar goals, similar beliefs.... yet we aren't the same people. We are ourselves, with our individual thoughts, our individual fears.... but he makes me happy, and I think I make him happy too. According to everyone, it's too early for anything to be definite.... but I'd like to believe that... things will really work out. That even though I'm going to Northwestern, and he'll have to stay here from one year to three more years (depending), we'll always be together. And for some reason, I don't really have trouble truly believing this. Thank you God, for allowing me to meet such a wonderful guy like Jin-oppa. And thank you oppa, for being such a great person.... and for always being there for me when I need you. Literally. Like the time you rushed up to Covina when I was so upset that I was crying.... yeah. You're always there for me.
So much has led me to where I am now. And before I move on to college, I'll have to organize myself and my thoughts here otherwise I'll never be able to move to college. I'll always have some doubts, but I don't ever doubt that the people I love here will abandon me. I'll make new friends at Northwestern, new people who will impact me. But I wanted to start out this blog with a thank you to the people who /had/ impacted me. Thank you so much. I love you all very much.
And thank you God, for letting me meet such wonderful people as these.....
Bryan Adams - This Is Where I Belong
I hear the wind across the plain
A sound so strong - that calls my name
It's wild like the river - it's warm like the sun
Ya it's here - this is where I belong
Under the starry skies - where eagles have flown
This place is paradise - it's the place I call home
The moon on the mountains
The whisper through the trees
The waves on the water
Let nothing come between this and me
Cuz everything I want - is everything that's here
And when when we're all together - there's nothing to fear
And wherever I wander - the one thing I've learned
It's to here - I will always... always return
My first official post.
I will be leaving for college in about.... one month, and four days. Before that, I'd like to spend as much time with the people I have come to love in the past years as much as possible.
I know, I am not leaving forever. But it /is/ technically the last time I will always be living at home. The last time I will be around my friends 24-7. The last time I will be so easily available to my friends. The last time my friends will be available for /me/. The last time I can run home to my parents when I'm upset at the world--yet, also the last time I can run to someone love and trust when my parents are the ones upsetting me.
It's sort of hard to realize that wow.... my life as a child is coming to an end. I am eighteen... I am considered an adult. If I committed a crime, I would be tried as an adult, simply because of my age. It doesn't matter that I don't feel ready to grow up. I /am/ grown up. My age makes it that way. It is time for me to learn to fend for myself, time for me to learn to depend on myself. I don't feel ready. I really don't. But I must learn... because my situation is forcing me to.
College is the first time I'll be living away from home. Northwestern, here I come. I'm going to work hard there, make my new life there for the next seven years. I know myself. I know my goals. And I know I'm lazy, but Northwestern is a fresh new start. I've lagged a bit on some things for Northwestern, but I can still make that fresh start. I can learn to be more responsible, not only for myself, but for others as well. It will be one, long, hard, continuing lesson, as I've been spoiled my whole life, but.... as much as I fear these lessons, I am also looking forward to it. Because I believe learning will make me a better person. Knowing my goals and learning to achieve them myself.... that will be a lesson in which I can only gain, and never lose.
I think what upsets me most are the people that I will be leaving behind.
My blood family. My mother, my father, and my dear, beloved little sister. I know... I get into arguments with them. I feel like my parents nag me. Sometimes, I annoy them too. My little sister and I don't always get along. But who cares? We're family. We love each other.... to death, if the situation ever arose. And it is my family I will constantly be coming back to, no matter where I am, where I move to, where I go to school. I know that. Also, my family has stuck with me all my life. No matter what I've done wrong, what sins I'm committed, what evilness I've bordered upon, my family has been there to set me on a straight line. To keep me on that line and to help me in the years I could have messed up and been influenced the most. It is because of them I have made it this far, and succeed as much as I have so far. I love them and appreciate everything they've done for me. Thank you.
My adopted siblings as well as my little sister (again). Daron, Haku, Stephanie, and last but not least.... Jina/Laura. I can't begin to emphasize how much these girls have crawled into my heart.... have /been/ in my heart for the past three years (Jina, for my whole life). They are my little sisters. Naturally... my blood little sister also has the love I feel for family as well, but I include her in this category, because in terms of sisterly love and treatment, she gets the absolute most. But I love all four of these girls... to death. I'd die for them, and I'm very protective of them. If they ever got hurt.... I'd seriously, murder the person who hurt them. While they are my little sisters... they are also my friends. Jina... I've become closer to in the past year, because I drove her everywhere. Yes, she can be exasperating, but I'm sure I'm just as exasperating to her. She has her loving moments... and deep down, no matter how she acts, I know she thinks a lot, and I know she truly cares. Daron, Haku, Stephanie... I know I'm pretty harsh with them at times as well. But seriously.... I love them like I love my little sister and look upon them with similar protectivity. I hope all four of these girls can also view me as friends.
My best friend. Emily. Oh gah... where can I start? The most unusual circumstances indeed threw us together. But slowly, over time, we became the best of friends. She's helped me, and I think I've helped her as well. Sometimes? I hope so. Yes, she can be critical, and yes, sometimes, she doesn't notice things she should. But she's a great person, and she has a great heart. She deserves the best. I truly hope she finds it. I will miss her so much; she's like a twin sister to me. Older than me, but twin sister nevertheless. I'll definitely be keeping in touch....
The rest of the handfuls of my closest friends. They know who they are. Janae, Jose, CJ, Chris, Allyn, Alpha buddies, Ramentard buddies, believe it or not... teachers.... the list goes on and on. I've been surrounded by these people within the past years of my life..... and I've turned to so many of these people for help. It will be so hard... leaving them behind, living so many hundreds of miles away. I won't be going to school and seeing these people anymore. We don't go to the same school anymore. I'm sure we'll all meet again, somewhere, somehow, but not on a daily basis. Not the way we used to. I can't say I'll be able to keep in contact with all these people. I also can't say I'll remember the names of all these people. But it's these people who truly left a mark in my heart and mind; a mark in my life from age zero to eighteen. It is to much of these people that I owe myself and who I am to. From these people, I learned so much. From these people, I've gotten so much support. Thank you....
Last but not least.... Jin-oppa. I don't even know where to begin. He came into my life so late, but it seems as if I've known him forever. I can't imagine my life without him....; indeed, I can't believe that I've not known him all my life! It's as if he understand who I really am, what I really think..... So many coincidences brought us together, that it definitely can't be just a coincidence. But he makes me happy, beyond all reason.... and I trust him with my life, with my whole heart. He's afraid that he won't be able to keep me happy.... but I know he will. We have similar goals, similar beliefs.... yet we aren't the same people. We are ourselves, with our individual thoughts, our individual fears.... but he makes me happy, and I think I make him happy too. According to everyone, it's too early for anything to be definite.... but I'd like to believe that... things will really work out. That even though I'm going to Northwestern, and he'll have to stay here from one year to three more years (depending), we'll always be together. And for some reason, I don't really have trouble truly believing this. Thank you God, for allowing me to meet such a wonderful guy like Jin-oppa. And thank you oppa, for being such a great person.... and for always being there for me when I need you. Literally. Like the time you rushed up to Covina when I was so upset that I was crying.... yeah. You're always there for me.
So much has led me to where I am now. And before I move on to college, I'll have to organize myself and my thoughts here otherwise I'll never be able to move to college. I'll always have some doubts, but I don't ever doubt that the people I love here will abandon me. I'll make new friends at Northwestern, new people who will impact me. But I wanted to start out this blog with a thank you to the people who /had/ impacted me. Thank you so much. I love you all very much.
And thank you God, for letting me meet such wonderful people as these.....
Bryan Adams - This Is Where I Belong
I hear the wind across the plain
A sound so strong - that calls my name
It's wild like the river - it's warm like the sun
Ya it's here - this is where I belong
Under the starry skies - where eagles have flown
This place is paradise - it's the place I call home
The moon on the mountains
The whisper through the trees
The waves on the water
Let nothing come between this and me
Cuz everything I want - is everything that's here
And when when we're all together - there's nothing to fear
And wherever I wander - the one thing I've learned
It's to here - I will always... always return