love is all around us
Today I've been feeling really anxious and uptight. Work cancelled because of the weather which didn't help as it meant I had nothing to do and would mope around the house all day so I went to art group at the local mental health charity drop in centre. I felt guilty leaving as mom was down about it being her annoiversary and the fact that they never do anything but I guess that's for mom and dad to deal with. I did feel bad that I hadn't remembered until yesterday so I wouldn't be getting their card until later. Art group was ok but i felt a little bored as I always do at the moment. I'm not really artisitc at all i just went because my therapist keeps going on about it being a good idea for something for me to try that I'm not actually good at or need to excel in. It was printing and I made a Japanese rising sun and a hello kitty surrounded by hearts. Both were wonky.
I went to town afterwards to get mom and dad a card and also one for my brother because he got important exam results yesterday and did well. Mom and dad were up there so I got a lift back. I was hungry by this point as I'd only eaten my weight watchers toast so I mini binged on two cereal bars and two weight watcher cookies, 260 calories in total which will have to be burned off in the gym later. I got upset straight after eating them partly because of letting myself down and partly because it's my parents anniversary today and my cousins wedding tomorrow and I was supposed to get married on Sunday but then I got mentally ill and when you're ill people make decisions for you and it was decided for me that I couldn't get married or go to uni or have my life at all. People who are ill with "a serious mental illness" just sit and wait to get better or "recuperate" as they call it. So I went and hid in my bed and that's pretty much what I've done all afternoon, avoiding the tension between all my brothers and mom because she's snappy. My youngest brother is upset right now because my teenage brother broke his den. It melts my heart but I don't have the emotional energy to deal with it. I'm going to go to the gym and burn and burn until I burn it all out. Well I wish...
I went to town afterwards to get mom and dad a card and also one for my brother because he got important exam results yesterday and did well. Mom and dad were up there so I got a lift back. I was hungry by this point as I'd only eaten my weight watchers toast so I mini binged on two cereal bars and two weight watcher cookies, 260 calories in total which will have to be burned off in the gym later. I got upset straight after eating them partly because of letting myself down and partly because it's my parents anniversary today and my cousins wedding tomorrow and I was supposed to get married on Sunday but then I got mentally ill and when you're ill people make decisions for you and it was decided for me that I couldn't get married or go to uni or have my life at all. People who are ill with "a serious mental illness" just sit and wait to get better or "recuperate" as they call it. So I went and hid in my bed and that's pretty much what I've done all afternoon, avoiding the tension between all my brothers and mom because she's snappy. My youngest brother is upset right now because my teenage brother broke his den. It melts my heart but I don't have the emotional energy to deal with it. I'm going to go to the gym and burn and burn until I burn it all out. Well I wish...