All the Best Revelations Come From Late Night Insomnia
Id like to start this journal entry off with a question for you. If you are reading this you obviously know who i am, so id like you to take a second and think about your impression of me as a person. Am i funny? dumb? smart? cute? lazy? immature? wise? what do you think of when you think about me? (i encourage you to write this anonymously in a comment below. i wanna know)
Laying here awake, I've put a lot of thought into how i have been in the last however so many years of my life. I have made a lot of mistakes, but hey who hasn't. I have been childish when i needed to step up, lazy when i had to get stuff done, and babied when i needed to grow up. I have handled many situations in the wrong way and i have slacked off in my classes and in my personal life. now don't get me wrong sometimes i think I am a good person and i thank my friends and family for pushing me to get where i am today, but I'm not a kid anymore and i have to start rising to the challenge for real.
Since i've started my co-op here in Green Bay, i have had to live on my own for the first time in my life. no, the dorms and the sorority house don't count. Now i have bills to pay, necessities to buy, and an income to manage. To say I've been responsible about it is like saying Paris Hilton is a saint. I put off just about everything and it usually has had to reach a level of unacceptable before ill actually do it. My reasoning? I'm tired. I'm not ready to handle this. Thats not important. I'll do it tomorrow. I just don't plain feel like it.
Now don't get me wrong, I have already grown so much. I came here with the idea to get well and stay well and i have definitely learned the right ways to do that. But now that i have learned to stand on my own two feet (though quite wobbly), i need to learn to walk. If i don't do this now, and get the ball rolling, i may never rise to the challenges i have set before me for the next two years. This is going to be hard, and it may get ugly, but its time.
I wrote this post to make this official (and so i don't forget in the morning =p), and to ask for your help. I can't truly do this alone, I will need the love and support of everyone. so please send me your words of wisdom, hope and motivation. This isn't the start of a new me, this is the me I've always held inside, the me I've always needed to be.
I am probably going to kick myself tomorrow because i have three hours of gym classes 7 hours from now, but this was definitely necessary. please comment, and wish me luck. i need all the help i can get. ;)
Hugs and Kisses,
'Little One'
Laying here awake, I've put a lot of thought into how i have been in the last however so many years of my life. I have made a lot of mistakes, but hey who hasn't. I have been childish when i needed to step up, lazy when i had to get stuff done, and babied when i needed to grow up. I have handled many situations in the wrong way and i have slacked off in my classes and in my personal life. now don't get me wrong sometimes i think I am a good person and i thank my friends and family for pushing me to get where i am today, but I'm not a kid anymore and i have to start rising to the challenge for real.
Since i've started my co-op here in Green Bay, i have had to live on my own for the first time in my life. no, the dorms and the sorority house don't count. Now i have bills to pay, necessities to buy, and an income to manage. To say I've been responsible about it is like saying Paris Hilton is a saint. I put off just about everything and it usually has had to reach a level of unacceptable before ill actually do it. My reasoning? I'm tired. I'm not ready to handle this. Thats not important. I'll do it tomorrow. I just don't plain feel like it.
Now don't get me wrong, I have already grown so much. I came here with the idea to get well and stay well and i have definitely learned the right ways to do that. But now that i have learned to stand on my own two feet (though quite wobbly), i need to learn to walk. If i don't do this now, and get the ball rolling, i may never rise to the challenges i have set before me for the next two years. This is going to be hard, and it may get ugly, but its time.
I wrote this post to make this official (and so i don't forget in the morning =p), and to ask for your help. I can't truly do this alone, I will need the love and support of everyone. so please send me your words of wisdom, hope and motivation. This isn't the start of a new me, this is the me I've always held inside, the me I've always needed to be.
I am probably going to kick myself tomorrow because i have three hours of gym classes 7 hours from now, but this was definitely necessary. please comment, and wish me luck. i need all the help i can get. ;)
Hugs and Kisses,
'Little One'