Hey uncle sammy...
i feel so lost in life. a lot of unfortunate things have been laid across my path over the last couple months. it makes me sad to see how one wrong turn can have such dire consequences. i started off as enthusiastic as can be. i enrolled at pcc with such high aspirations to become a psychologist. i envisioned myself completing my two years at a JC then transferring to a good UC school with an excellent psych department. then as the days progessed my dreams and goals seemed to depart further and further away from my grasp. i let myself slip. i became lethargic and uninterested. everything seemed so difficult to the point were my hopes became a simple grandious delusion. by the start of my second year i tried to force myself to stay straight and remain on course. but my efforts were to no avail. i slipped again. my motivation sunk to nill and i more or less dropped out. 4 months from september i see no direction in my life. no real spectacular change. except one. i know many people are opposed to this idea and all of my friends would say that i am a fool for even thinking that this is the only option in life, but its something i feel will jump start that spark to live within me. over the last month or so ive jumped from recruiting office to recruiting office. navy, marines, air force, coast guard, national guard. ive backed out from every situation simply because i was afraid. but now i feel differently. im not saying that the extreme hypothetical situations do not daunt me. they do. but i think the benefits which may come about will be more then worth it. i think i might be going into the navy some time early next year. i havent made my final decision yet. but i firmly believe that in the next couple months i will be taking steps to reform my life. heh. if you asked me if id every even fathom about joining the service last year i would've said hell no. but things are different. this isnt last year. this is now and my life needs to equate to some sort of value. they have thousands of oppurtunities in the navy. ive been looking through it for a while and it seems to be the most appealing of all the armed forces. they even have training courses in photography :-D. i think im gonna do it. i dont have anything here any more. theres nothing left in my old life. if i go ill be ready to embrace something new. i think im gonna go.