who turned out the light
what another boring adventure in the day of fed. i hate all things in this world as it is now. everything seems so dull. i guess i have no one else besides myself to blame. all the bad decisions wrong roads stupid choices. they all add up er well more accurately detract from the quality of life i SHOULD be leading. this life is so monotonous. i hate the routine im in. i should be out there doing something productive but something inside keeps holding me back. i want to do more but im waiting for something. i dont know what it is. a sign from heaven perhaps? i dont know. caught in a delusion feeling so devolved. winter break is coming up in 2 weeks. ive enrolled in a photo class. thats something thats never been distasteful with me. i love photography with a passion so hopefully itll be the thing i need to jumpstart my lack of enthusiasm. there are other things in my life that i want, parts of myself which i have let go, but i know i cant have it now. its not my decision to say when. i shouldnt force things to happen. the timing is just not right. i shouldnt have let go. the one driving force in my life that gave reason to existing. i know there are other reasons but this was the biggest. it was the source of all things good.
anywho
a rant about my thanksgiving weekend.
wednesday:
jonny came back down from santa cruz for the thanksgiving weekend. its always a pleasure seeing him (trying not to sound gay). an hour after he got home from his flight down myself chris nd mitchu kidnapped him from his folks and went to watch the incredibles for like the uber millionth time. i dont care if she isnt real elastagrl is hot.
thursday:
thanksgiving day wasnt that grand of an event this year. but then again most of the holidays and celebrations this year have been somewhat lackluster. example : the fourth of july was empty and cold. my fault entirely. i purposely carried a cloud of doom and gloom in my head thinking only dark thoughts. this thanks giving...well there was nothing to be thankful for. people say i should be thankful for the fact that im alive, right thanks for all the crap i see in this world. i saw a women get beaten in a parking lot by her husband er boyfriend whichever. her mascara was running her eyes were all puffy she looked like a mess. go figure i guess anyone looks like a mess if theyre beaten. should she be thankful for that? shes alive whatever.
friday:
the next day was a good i guess. i made a rant about it in my previous entry. its the one about palm springs.
saturday:
i went to the archery range with jonathan and mitchu. that was cool. a great way to vent some rage and anger. i think going to the shooting range and actually bursting off a couple live rounds wouldve vented more anger and rage but archery was free. the rest of the day i just dazed away waiting for something. nothing happened of course.
sunday:
a pit of a day except for the latter hours. i dont remember much about the morn er afternoon. in the evening got all dressed up and went to dinner with chris. that was a pleasant moment.
so wats the next holiday on the agenda. oh grand its christmas. i know christmas is gonna be a disaster. i have some strong premonition that its gonna be another wasted chapter in my life.
whatever. i hate this attitude. but whatever............
anywho
a rant about my thanksgiving weekend.
wednesday:
jonny came back down from santa cruz for the thanksgiving weekend. its always a pleasure seeing him (trying not to sound gay). an hour after he got home from his flight down myself chris nd mitchu kidnapped him from his folks and went to watch the incredibles for like the uber millionth time. i dont care if she isnt real elastagrl is hot.
thursday:
thanksgiving day wasnt that grand of an event this year. but then again most of the holidays and celebrations this year have been somewhat lackluster. example : the fourth of july was empty and cold. my fault entirely. i purposely carried a cloud of doom and gloom in my head thinking only dark thoughts. this thanks giving...well there was nothing to be thankful for. people say i should be thankful for the fact that im alive, right thanks for all the crap i see in this world. i saw a women get beaten in a parking lot by her husband er boyfriend whichever. her mascara was running her eyes were all puffy she looked like a mess. go figure i guess anyone looks like a mess if theyre beaten. should she be thankful for that? shes alive whatever.
friday:
the next day was a good i guess. i made a rant about it in my previous entry. its the one about palm springs.
saturday:
i went to the archery range with jonathan and mitchu. that was cool. a great way to vent some rage and anger. i think going to the shooting range and actually bursting off a couple live rounds wouldve vented more anger and rage but archery was free. the rest of the day i just dazed away waiting for something. nothing happened of course.
sunday:
a pit of a day except for the latter hours. i dont remember much about the morn er afternoon. in the evening got all dressed up and went to dinner with chris. that was a pleasant moment.
so wats the next holiday on the agenda. oh grand its christmas. i know christmas is gonna be a disaster. i have some strong premonition that its gonna be another wasted chapter in my life.
whatever. i hate this attitude. but whatever............