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God, I want to write so bad. I don't even know why, but there's so much I want to spit out and I don't even know what it is. I couldn't sleep last night b/c I kept thinking about LJ and so much random shit I wanted to write down. I was tempted to hop right out of bed and sit back dwn at my desk to try and spill some of this shit building up. I
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you are the most amazing person i have ever come across in all of my seventeen years of life. you have impacted my life in such a great way and i dont know where i would be today had i not roomed with you at band camp six years ago. my heart has been breaking every day just remembering that we're so close yet so far apart, and how things are different. i know we dont get to hang out much, but im glad that we really arent drifting apart. it really doesnt matter how long we're apart, we always pick up right where we left off and i love that. i have a humongous lump in my throat right now. im really glad you're doing better and i hope you know how proud i am of you. you're so much stronger than I am, and i admire the shit out of you for that and so many other things. even tho this entry didnt have anything to do with me, it seemed like it was explaining everything that i have been thinking lately... you're an awesome writer and it made all my thoughts so much clearer. ive been on the verge of a breakdown lately, since things have begun to end already. starting with marching band, i know everything goes downhill from here. starting now, everythings going to change. and god knows i despise change and dont deal with it very well most of the time. i realized that the things that you are feeling are pretty much what i will most likely be feeling next year. if not worse since i'll be way far away. and i hate that because im like you in that im determined not to let people or anything go. thats one thing i really need to work on. im not good at moving on.
well i just realized that i started rambling a long time ago and i dont remember what my initial point was... but just promise me that we wont drift apart... too far anyway. i know some sort of drifting will happen sooner or later (it sure as hell better be later rather than sooner). i love you way too much and you're way too important to me for that to happen. im sorry i havent been calling or anything much... hopefully now that band will be over after friday, i'll have more time. this is really freakin long comment.
baby, i love you. more than you will EVER know, and thank you. for everything.
oh, and i hate you. you made me cry. thrice.
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...well, i love you.
and i promise things will be okay next year. i know it feels like your would is going to fall apart, and in a sense, it is i guess... but it's all for the better. i think you'll enjoy things more than you're thinking you will.
i remember sammy hoover telling me this last year and i thought she was out of her mind. well, she was right.
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