(no subject)
i'm starting to think i couldn't feel much worse these days. i try to be optimistic and happy... but it gets so hard sometimes.
this morning was financial aid meeting at RC that i was going to attend along w/ both of my parents. when i wake up, mom refuses to get out of bed. i screamed at her for so long. "you said you're going, so i'm not going. you and your father can take care of it" was all she said, over and over. i nearly shoved her into the wall when she tried to walk past me. most important meeting and she's going to lay on the god damn couch. thanks a lot, mother.
so dad and i go to our meeting. the lady was really nice and... helpful i guess. didn't accomplish a lot this time since they found an error on FAFSA that needs to be corrected before anything else. also learned that i'm paying for every last fucking CENT for college now. lovely. well, i hope boo's braces turn out well. i'm glad you can afford that, but won't help me out at all.
went back to school in time to help w/ chem video, play in band, enjoy a lovely lunch, and paint isaac's face in drama. had some college talk w/ given. she told me it could be a good idea to move out once i turn 18 and file FAFSA form on my own, as an independant. not making much money and not being a dependant on my parents would make FAFSA shit skyrocket... so that's an open option. only problem is i don't have any family around here... so i'd be moving in w/ a friend. not like i have much of a home here anymore. mother and i haven't spoken since this morning. i've been incredibly nice to boo, trying to finally be a good big sister to her. dad... i've been talking to, simply b/c i have to talk to SOMEONE about what i'm doing. he didn't like the moving out idea. well, if I am the one paying for college, then i think I should be the one making decisions like that.
i've been so depressed at home that i never want to be here. when i'm not here, i don't do work. when i don't do work, grades drop and i stress. when i stress, i don't want to go to school and end up skipping. when i skip, i get further behind and then i just don't have anything else to do.
i want all of this to be over already
-the blob
p.s. ally... thank you SO much for my presents. i love you a whole awful lot. thanks for making my day. <3