Audience Participation 3: How did you sell it to your husband?
1. Be willing to sacrifice almost anything to get away - nothing convinces like sincerity. Your partner will gradually get the difference between "wouldn't it be nice if..." and "I need this."
2. Make it clear you're not asking permission, you ARE going. Deciding this in your head beforehand is the hardest part. After that its down to ways and means. If I had to, I would have waited and got a visa so I could work in the UK. I wasn't planning on selling my body, but my possessions - no problem!
3. Be prepared to accept initial opposition and to experience discomfort around "why" and "but when will you come back?" and "can't this wait till a more convenient time?" and "what about me?". Don't expect your loved one to be ecstatic. Reassure said partner that you love them, and its NOT a trial separation - 'cause its not unreasonable to think that "I want to go overseas for several months - alone" might be...
4. Have a plan for how you're going to pay for it, so when your loved one throws you the "We can't afford it" ball, you have a response.
5. For most marriages, "our" money is "our" money, so you do have a right to half of it. If you divorce, you'll get half, so theoretically you have a right to half now. But most people don't have cash lying around unallocated, so you'll need to change some plans. Also, don't expect your partner to bail you out if things go pear-shaped. Or rather, don't expect them to hold their tongues on the "I told you sos" if they have to bail you out...
6. Mr Arcadia recommends encouraging your partner to come too - for at least part of the time - was a big step in his acceptance.
I asked Mr Arcadia for his take on this, and - not too surprising - we have a slightly different view of What Happened.
Initially when I wanted to go away, he was very supportive and encouraging - until 48 hours later when I rang him from the travel agent to ask him which credit card he thought I should use. He hadn't quite understood the time-scale I was looking at.
Within the next day or so we had a pretty...intense...D&M conversation. (Before that he says he was in shock, at the time I thought he was sulking...) It was during this conversation that most of the specific objections were aired and resolved. After that, he was officially in favour and had my back during other people's reactions.
I remember a certain amount of sad abandoned puppydog eyes, which I had to coach myself past. He wasn't doing it for effect, but I found it hard to keep on with what I wanted when it clearly wasn't especially what he wanted.
2. Make it clear you're not asking permission, you ARE going. Deciding this in your head beforehand is the hardest part. After that its down to ways and means. If I had to, I would have waited and got a visa so I could work in the UK. I wasn't planning on selling my body, but my possessions - no problem!
3. Be prepared to accept initial opposition and to experience discomfort around "why" and "but when will you come back?" and "can't this wait till a more convenient time?" and "what about me?". Don't expect your loved one to be ecstatic. Reassure said partner that you love them, and its NOT a trial separation - 'cause its not unreasonable to think that "I want to go overseas for several months - alone" might be...
4. Have a plan for how you're going to pay for it, so when your loved one throws you the "We can't afford it" ball, you have a response.
5. For most marriages, "our" money is "our" money, so you do have a right to half of it. If you divorce, you'll get half, so theoretically you have a right to half now. But most people don't have cash lying around unallocated, so you'll need to change some plans. Also, don't expect your partner to bail you out if things go pear-shaped. Or rather, don't expect them to hold their tongues on the "I told you sos" if they have to bail you out...
6. Mr Arcadia recommends encouraging your partner to come too - for at least part of the time - was a big step in his acceptance.
I asked Mr Arcadia for his take on this, and - not too surprising - we have a slightly different view of What Happened.
Initially when I wanted to go away, he was very supportive and encouraging - until 48 hours later when I rang him from the travel agent to ask him which credit card he thought I should use. He hadn't quite understood the time-scale I was looking at.
Within the next day or so we had a pretty...intense...D&M conversation. (Before that he says he was in shock, at the time I thought he was sulking...) It was during this conversation that most of the specific objections were aired and resolved. After that, he was officially in favour and had my back during other people's reactions.
I remember a certain amount of sad abandoned puppydog eyes, which I had to coach myself past. He wasn't doing it for effect, but I found it hard to keep on with what I wanted when it clearly wasn't especially what he wanted.