cant take it anymore
so lastnight i called david....we really didnt talk much....i guess were friends but i guess were not at the same time you know?.....i mean i want to be friends and all and i want all the shit to stop and seeing that i started all of it mabye it is......i didnt mean any of the things that i said but he has his own opinions.....enough about him....im so stressed out...i want to go to ruths...i dont know how long i can take staying here in saugus....i really dont....i mean theres way toooo many fuckin ppl living here....im not a people person at all....i mean i want to run but i cant because ill fuck things up with me and ruth....i mean i know thats what dss wants.....is for me to fuck up....but im not going to....i might try to kill myself countless times....but i mean that wont fuck things up for me....i might die but o well....all i want is to be happy and to go back to school and to make new friends..thats all i fuckin want....i dont want to sit here in saugus and rot and not do anything...i mean im watching tv and then fuckin someasshole puts barney in that his kid never fuckin watches....i mean what the fuck....im gunna end up flipping out on one of these ppl and i dont want to i really dont.....but i can feel it....im doing my best to maintain and to remain cool but it just aint workin....i mean i go to bed i cry for two hours.....fall asleep and dont wake up until like 2 in the afternoon....i cant go out with my sister and the only way that i can see her is if she comes and sees me.....thats highly unlikly for her to come and see me you know bc she hardly has any money and cant afford to drive from ipswich to saugus....i mean i know that she would and all but she cant....i mean shes a single fuckin mother raising an 18 month year old....and she doenst even have her own place to stay....i mean its her fault for herself having a kid at like 18-19...and getting married to a fuckin loser...i swear on my papas soul that i will not have kids and will not get married until im 25...im not ruining my life....hey...it already has been...dss has done that for me...thank you.....i appreciate it...i cant wait until im out on my own....graunted i will struggle...i know that i will...but at least ill have a life.....i dont know i guess im done venting for now....later