I guess I got saved, too
Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life. Usually my anger and ability to get fired up, on a scale from 1-10, can hit a 10 no problem. But yesterday, I was at about a 46. By far the most angry I've ever gotten in my whole life, and I've had an INSANE amount of opportunities to get crazily mad. I was SO upset in fact, I wasn't thinking clearly in the slightest bit. I was starting to panic, I was getting very irrational, and then..worste of all, I was left alone. I was left alone in a big house feeling the way I was, and let me tell you...that was bad. Not having anyone to vent out to, to hit, or hell to even yell rudely at, I was just..alone. And that's when things started to go south.
I was past the point of crying, I was past the point of wanting to break everything in view. No one could have possibly understood. I didn't have a single shoulder in the world to cry on. I was having thoughts in my head that I thought I would never get, and now looking back on it i'm incredibly shocked at the things I was contemplating. At the time, it seemed completely reasonable and rational. This wasn't some little piece of shit drama I was upset over, it was something that in my eyes, ruined my life for good. I was ripping my home apart looking for several different things, none of which were good.
So there I am, running around trying to figure out ways to make my already crumbling life even worse, when I pass by a window. I was going to do.."whatever" in my room, but I decided to go downstairs and take a breather first, and I had to pass by that window. My eyes were watery, I could barely breathe, and my blood pressure was through the roof..but I stopped dead in my tracks when something outside caught my eye. My neighbor was collapsed on the ground by her car, her little daughter kneeling next to her curiously while the baby sat in the doorway on their porch playing with a twig. I grabbed my cell phone off the table and ran as fast as possible across the street, mascara running down my face and several pain killers still in my pocket, when the little girl starts yelling "Mommy is sick!".
Her husband was out of town. I called 911, it was a no brainer that something was seriously wrong and that she couldn't move, and I sat with the kids for four hours until their grandparents arrived on their way to the hospital. I recieved many many pats on the back for miraculously being at the right place at the right time, no one wanting to think of what could have happened had I not been there. Frankly, I don't want to think about it either. I haven't heard yet what was medically going on, but I'm thinking heart attack.
I didn't realize until later, that if I had done what I was planning to do..I wouldn't have seen my neighbor outside. I wouldn't have been able to get help, to watch her children, or to contact and tell her family what had happened. I wouldn't have been able to see that what I was so upset over, was actually something I'm totally capable of fixing.
Kinda funny how things work out, huh?
I put the pills back in their bottles.
I was past the point of crying, I was past the point of wanting to break everything in view. No one could have possibly understood. I didn't have a single shoulder in the world to cry on. I was having thoughts in my head that I thought I would never get, and now looking back on it i'm incredibly shocked at the things I was contemplating. At the time, it seemed completely reasonable and rational. This wasn't some little piece of shit drama I was upset over, it was something that in my eyes, ruined my life for good. I was ripping my home apart looking for several different things, none of which were good.
So there I am, running around trying to figure out ways to make my already crumbling life even worse, when I pass by a window. I was going to do.."whatever" in my room, but I decided to go downstairs and take a breather first, and I had to pass by that window. My eyes were watery, I could barely breathe, and my blood pressure was through the roof..but I stopped dead in my tracks when something outside caught my eye. My neighbor was collapsed on the ground by her car, her little daughter kneeling next to her curiously while the baby sat in the doorway on their porch playing with a twig. I grabbed my cell phone off the table and ran as fast as possible across the street, mascara running down my face and several pain killers still in my pocket, when the little girl starts yelling "Mommy is sick!".
Her husband was out of town. I called 911, it was a no brainer that something was seriously wrong and that she couldn't move, and I sat with the kids for four hours until their grandparents arrived on their way to the hospital. I recieved many many pats on the back for miraculously being at the right place at the right time, no one wanting to think of what could have happened had I not been there. Frankly, I don't want to think about it either. I haven't heard yet what was medically going on, but I'm thinking heart attack.
I didn't realize until later, that if I had done what I was planning to do..I wouldn't have seen my neighbor outside. I wouldn't have been able to get help, to watch her children, or to contact and tell her family what had happened. I wouldn't have been able to see that what I was so upset over, was actually something I'm totally capable of fixing.
Kinda funny how things work out, huh?
I put the pills back in their bottles.