Nostalgia
I think there are monumental moments in ones life where they realize that accepting their failures is more than okay. Your past is painful to look back on, but it's impossible to get rid of; so how do you move on with your life? Accepting it gives you this nice little grey area in life where you can enjoy what you have, reflect on what you've lost, and look to what you might have later on. I think I'm one of those lucky ones who have figured out this trick, and I must say, it takes a majority of weight from weary shoulders.
I was still seeing myself as useless and undeserving of better, so I continued dating a boy who according to my friends, is a shitkicker-jerk. I let him believe I was alot more naive and dumb than I actually was, and then over the weekend something dawned on me. I dont deserve to be treated badly by him. By anyone. So I kicked him to the curb today, and I feel fantastic about it. I wont go into the juicy details, but you know those dumb women who stay with their abusive husbands because "There is still some good left in him"? That was the situation basically. It took me a while to get there, but I finally got the memo.
I bumped into an old friend today. When we were kids I would admire her silky hair and freedom to wear, OHMIGOD, makeup. Her family was loaded, and she had every toy you could imagine. Seeing her there in her sweats talking about her kid and her new trailer today was weird in every way possible. I nodded along to her stories, standing there in my stilletos and buisness suit; Juicy Couture bag hanging from my elbow and a Sidekick in my grip. She shook her head and said "Goodness..manager of a spa, journalist, college girl..you've turned into such a success". I had to laugh because my life is nowhere near successfull. Sometimes I wonder what the defining moment is in our lives though..when The Change really happens. When we go from kids to men and women. When we talked about water-gun fights to talking about politics and gas prices. This whole grown-up shit is scary..dealing with boyfriends and work hours. It feels seductively real lately.
I was still seeing myself as useless and undeserving of better, so I continued dating a boy who according to my friends, is a shitkicker-jerk. I let him believe I was alot more naive and dumb than I actually was, and then over the weekend something dawned on me. I dont deserve to be treated badly by him. By anyone. So I kicked him to the curb today, and I feel fantastic about it. I wont go into the juicy details, but you know those dumb women who stay with their abusive husbands because "There is still some good left in him"? That was the situation basically. It took me a while to get there, but I finally got the memo.
I bumped into an old friend today. When we were kids I would admire her silky hair and freedom to wear, OHMIGOD, makeup. Her family was loaded, and she had every toy you could imagine. Seeing her there in her sweats talking about her kid and her new trailer today was weird in every way possible. I nodded along to her stories, standing there in my stilletos and buisness suit; Juicy Couture bag hanging from my elbow and a Sidekick in my grip. She shook her head and said "Goodness..manager of a spa, journalist, college girl..you've turned into such a success". I had to laugh because my life is nowhere near successfull. Sometimes I wonder what the defining moment is in our lives though..when The Change really happens. When we go from kids to men and women. When we talked about water-gun fights to talking about politics and gas prices. This whole grown-up shit is scary..dealing with boyfriends and work hours. It feels seductively real lately.