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THIS IS MY RANT...SO IF YOU DONT WANT TO HEAR MY BITCHING AND MOANING STOP READING NOW!!!!!
So lately I've been going out with this girl Amanda whom is amazing. I really like her a lot and I kind of rushed certain things but it's an easily fixed issue. However, instead of just accepting that this is easy and letting things happen I've been bored and sitting at home. During this time of sitting at home I've gone through many moods, most of which I do not enjoy. I spend a lot of time thinking too much and overanalyzing things and creating problems that aren't real in my head. I then take these fake problems and blow them way out of proportion but I know they're not real. I then think "oh these problems aren't real" then I'm fine and I rinse and repeat the whole process, sending my emotions on a wonderful roller coaster of hell.
I really don't know what to do with myself. I'm losing faith in the music scene very consistently. I don't really want to bother playing music anymore because it doesn't seem to serve a purpose. All it is nowadays is people punching each other to the heaviest breakdown and lyrics don't matter. I'm sick of unoriginal crap. I just want to have fun and enjoy myself but if I make music I enjoy nobody else is going to enjoy it and it'll probably be me writing songs by myself in my room. I dunno this is stupid. I just want to be happy the way I used to be. Last summer was amazing. I had so much fun with my shows and I was happy with all my friends and girlfriend and it was an overall amazing summer. Trip to NY and Penn were amazing with LIAWOG. I feel like the people that should miss these times as much as I do don't even give a fuck which makes me wonder if they were ever really friends/family to begin with. Here I go creating another problem. Although this is a real problem that I should've just let go of by now. I wish I could have a fun band with fun shows and enjoy it while being with Amanda. I think that's what I need. Either that...I need a therapist.
This is kind of therapeutic. I guess getting emotions out somewhere helps. I haven't really been playing any form of instrument at all lately. I'll ocassionally pick up my guitar and strum for a few minutes but then I put it down and I'm done for. I graduate high school in 9 days, I don't know why I'm not having the time of my life right now. I should be out enjoying it. I have a girlfriend, I'm going to prom with her in two days, I was class president, and I graduate in 9 days. On paper my life sounds pretty fantastic, and I have to say I enjoy it a lot. It just seems like right now I'm in a horrid rut and I'm taking it out on the wrong people. So to the people I've been doing this to, I'd say mostly Amanda and Meriem, I'm sorry. I've been naggy haha. Hopefully this summer will be good. Good bye for the last time from me in my high school years. Next time I will be a high school graduate.
So lately I've been going out with this girl Amanda whom is amazing. I really like her a lot and I kind of rushed certain things but it's an easily fixed issue. However, instead of just accepting that this is easy and letting things happen I've been bored and sitting at home. During this time of sitting at home I've gone through many moods, most of which I do not enjoy. I spend a lot of time thinking too much and overanalyzing things and creating problems that aren't real in my head. I then take these fake problems and blow them way out of proportion but I know they're not real. I then think "oh these problems aren't real" then I'm fine and I rinse and repeat the whole process, sending my emotions on a wonderful roller coaster of hell.
I really don't know what to do with myself. I'm losing faith in the music scene very consistently. I don't really want to bother playing music anymore because it doesn't seem to serve a purpose. All it is nowadays is people punching each other to the heaviest breakdown and lyrics don't matter. I'm sick of unoriginal crap. I just want to have fun and enjoy myself but if I make music I enjoy nobody else is going to enjoy it and it'll probably be me writing songs by myself in my room. I dunno this is stupid. I just want to be happy the way I used to be. Last summer was amazing. I had so much fun with my shows and I was happy with all my friends and girlfriend and it was an overall amazing summer. Trip to NY and Penn were amazing with LIAWOG. I feel like the people that should miss these times as much as I do don't even give a fuck which makes me wonder if they were ever really friends/family to begin with. Here I go creating another problem. Although this is a real problem that I should've just let go of by now. I wish I could have a fun band with fun shows and enjoy it while being with Amanda. I think that's what I need. Either that...I need a therapist.
This is kind of therapeutic. I guess getting emotions out somewhere helps. I haven't really been playing any form of instrument at all lately. I'll ocassionally pick up my guitar and strum for a few minutes but then I put it down and I'm done for. I graduate high school in 9 days, I don't know why I'm not having the time of my life right now. I should be out enjoying it. I have a girlfriend, I'm going to prom with her in two days, I was class president, and I graduate in 9 days. On paper my life sounds pretty fantastic, and I have to say I enjoy it a lot. It just seems like right now I'm in a horrid rut and I'm taking it out on the wrong people. So to the people I've been doing this to, I'd say mostly Amanda and Meriem, I'm sorry. I've been naggy haha. Hopefully this summer will be good. Good bye for the last time from me in my high school years. Next time I will be a high school graduate.