Life is but a nightmare....
Well, been awhile since I've posted... not that anyone reads this damn thing anyways. I use this more for venting and relief then anything else. I guess up until recently I havent had the need to vent... or I've been to lazy to vent.... either way, now is a good time as any to vent.
I hate this f**king town. The problem is, I doubt that anywhere else would be any better.
I'm tired of being a nice guy, I'm tired of trying to hang out with my "friends", I'm tired of just trying to get friends to do anything, I'm tired of trying to get into a relationship, I'm tired of alternative lifestyles, I'm tired of living paycheck to paycheck, I'm tired of listening to an idiot president who has no clue what it's like to struggle and pretends like nothing is wrong, I'm tired of this worthless life and I'm tired of being tired.
So much I suppose has happened since I last wrote... so I'll sum it all up.....
Work is kicking my ass again. More and more gets piled on and I'm getting to the point where I am burned out. I have over 352 hours of vacation time saved up and now I'm into excess hour accumulation.... this means that as soon as I get 40 hours of vacation saved up, I am TAKING ONE. Just me time, no work, no nothing. Sit at home, watch tv, go out of town, who knows.... but I'm tired of running the rat race. At least I went back up to New York City again. That was actually an enjoyable trip since I got to hang out with Alex (though not as much as the last trip up there, but it was still cool to visit with him again). I took a bunch of pictures this time out, so if anyone wants to see them just yell.... but I forgot, no one reads this thing.
I am convinced that I am a hermit... ignoring the technicality that I have a roommate.... I dont have many friends up here... no one I can really ask to go see a movie, go out to dinner, go shoot pool with or anything like that.... I have my students, but they're well... students. At least some of them share some interests with me, so every now and then I can go hang out with them and do some stuff... but it's rare. This is the same problem I had in Gainesville.... where I thought I had friends, but outside of certain events, I never saw them. It got depressing, to the point where I was seeing a therapist, and when I got the job up in Tallahassee I moved without a second thought. That time is rapidly approaching again though... time to consider a life-change of some sort, though I have no clue about the direction or severity of it.
Speaking of friends.... I feel so betrayed by some "friends" in Gainesville. It seems that unless I'm spending money on them, they want nothing to do with me. I always have to initiate things with them, but they can never initiate things with me. This particular person seems to love putting everyone and everything else before me... and it's not like I ask much... Come visit me up here once in a while or if I'm in Gainesville, take some time out and chill... especially if I friggen call you to see if you want to. It's not like I come down to Gainesville that often. Like I said, I'm tired of being the nice guy and the planner..... All I want is for some people to show me back what I show them. I thought I'd have more friends up here when the semester started over 6 weeks ago, but NOTHING has changed. Absolutely nothing. No different people to hang out with, nada. Sure they hint at it, sure they mention they'll do it eventually.... but when two DIFFERENT people say the same friggen thing, then THEY start talking to each other and hang out all the f**king time, it kinda hurts (no Tyler, I am not talking about you).
I think part of this is that I am also tired of the rat race.... In any given week, I am at FSU until 9pm or later at least 4 out of 5 weekdays. Between work and teaching, I am getting burned out in a hurry... and we're just starting October! I still have November and December to go.... Mama mia!
oh well... a moment of dispair and pity for my wretched hide..... it'll pass. Gun, bullet, trigger, *bang*.
I hate this f**king town. The problem is, I doubt that anywhere else would be any better.
I'm tired of being a nice guy, I'm tired of trying to hang out with my "friends", I'm tired of just trying to get friends to do anything, I'm tired of trying to get into a relationship, I'm tired of alternative lifestyles, I'm tired of living paycheck to paycheck, I'm tired of listening to an idiot president who has no clue what it's like to struggle and pretends like nothing is wrong, I'm tired of this worthless life and I'm tired of being tired.
So much I suppose has happened since I last wrote... so I'll sum it all up.....
Work is kicking my ass again. More and more gets piled on and I'm getting to the point where I am burned out. I have over 352 hours of vacation time saved up and now I'm into excess hour accumulation.... this means that as soon as I get 40 hours of vacation saved up, I am TAKING ONE. Just me time, no work, no nothing. Sit at home, watch tv, go out of town, who knows.... but I'm tired of running the rat race. At least I went back up to New York City again. That was actually an enjoyable trip since I got to hang out with Alex (though not as much as the last trip up there, but it was still cool to visit with him again). I took a bunch of pictures this time out, so if anyone wants to see them just yell.... but I forgot, no one reads this thing.
I am convinced that I am a hermit... ignoring the technicality that I have a roommate.... I dont have many friends up here... no one I can really ask to go see a movie, go out to dinner, go shoot pool with or anything like that.... I have my students, but they're well... students. At least some of them share some interests with me, so every now and then I can go hang out with them and do some stuff... but it's rare. This is the same problem I had in Gainesville.... where I thought I had friends, but outside of certain events, I never saw them. It got depressing, to the point where I was seeing a therapist, and when I got the job up in Tallahassee I moved without a second thought. That time is rapidly approaching again though... time to consider a life-change of some sort, though I have no clue about the direction or severity of it.
Speaking of friends.... I feel so betrayed by some "friends" in Gainesville. It seems that unless I'm spending money on them, they want nothing to do with me. I always have to initiate things with them, but they can never initiate things with me. This particular person seems to love putting everyone and everything else before me... and it's not like I ask much... Come visit me up here once in a while or if I'm in Gainesville, take some time out and chill... especially if I friggen call you to see if you want to. It's not like I come down to Gainesville that often. Like I said, I'm tired of being the nice guy and the planner..... All I want is for some people to show me back what I show them. I thought I'd have more friends up here when the semester started over 6 weeks ago, but NOTHING has changed. Absolutely nothing. No different people to hang out with, nada. Sure they hint at it, sure they mention they'll do it eventually.... but when two DIFFERENT people say the same friggen thing, then THEY start talking to each other and hang out all the f**king time, it kinda hurts (no Tyler, I am not talking about you).
I think part of this is that I am also tired of the rat race.... In any given week, I am at FSU until 9pm or later at least 4 out of 5 weekdays. Between work and teaching, I am getting burned out in a hurry... and we're just starting October! I still have November and December to go.... Mama mia!
oh well... a moment of dispair and pity for my wretched hide..... it'll pass. Gun, bullet, trigger, *bang*.