this has never happened to me before...
I just had an epiphany, so I thought I should update...
I have finally figured out why I can't get close to anyone (my friends at least)
Reason why I cant get too close with...
Cristina- a.It reminds me of the strong faith and devotion that I will never have, or once had and lost.
b. reminds me of the relationship with my sister I had, but lost.
c. makes me feel like i should have "known better"
Andre-a.reminds me of how much of a bad person I am
b. brings back bad memories
c. makes me feel stupid, when I express my opinion.
Darlinette-a. reminds me of the talents i will never have
b. of the dreams i want, but never will accomplish, makes me feel second best( I know its something you dont do purposely, it just happens.)
c. makes me feel, less of a person, when I mention things i have done in my past.
Courtney M.-reminds me of the confidence i have always wanted, but can't achieve.
b.sometimes i feel like she talks to me by force, like she dosen't really like me
Vicky-I'm afraid that I won't be as "fun" as she expected, mostly of her being dissapointed in who I am.
Sara b.- reminds me of the love that I USE to want from a guy.
b. and another emotion i just can't grasp.. sorry
Samantha d- reminds me that families aren't perfect, and neither are friendships, I'm happy with what we got now, i'm afraid it will ruin in time. I like thinking that there are families that are perfect, it gives me hope.
Brian m.-im afraid he won't like me for the person I am behind my smiles and laughs.
Mustache-a.reminds me that sometimes one has to move on... I don't want to move on somedays.
b. Reminds of the times I spent with kyle.
c. Makes me feel happy (it feels to surreal, to feel so close to someone as a friend so quickly, i dont want to ruin that)
I dont know how everyone is going to take this, but this is definetly something that I have just thought of. Literally JUST thought of. I don't know what to say, I guess don't be offended, but with some of the things on here, i guess some people do have the right to be offended. But this is the truth, the dead honest truth, sorry if it's too much, but I'm happy I am posting this, its about time this darn epiphany came up... better late then never i guess. This is the reason I can't be close to you all, none of this is your fault, this is definetly MY emotions, a feeling, sorry they are so negative, don't think that there aren't any positive ones, because there are. I don't know how to get rid of them...help.....please... .Take it as you will. I love you all still, it is just an emotion that I have been feeling, but I haven't been able to grasp words for it, and now that this epiphany came about, I can.....I can finally express what I Have been dying to tell ALL OF YOU for the longest time.
I don't have a best friend, or even someone I can tell everything to. No one, because I don't feel close to anyone. Trust me I know this is my fault, but I figured I should let you all know my reasoning behind it all.
I know I have said the word I AND ME sooooo many times. But sometimes one has to be selfish, and now its MY turn.
If your not on here, I guess, don't be offended either...
sorry again
Much love,
M.A