I don't know anymore...
The past couple of weeks have been such a blur. I don't even know what to say. Nikki has been in this deep depression, and was mad and frustrated w/ me and its just that emotions have been running so high latley. It was inevitable to happen. We both broke down. She is crying right now because of me, because i am ... i can't even say what i am because its so bad. I made the person I LOVE cry. What kind of person does that make me? It makes me feel so insignificant. Right now i feel like i just want to die. I have no energy, no strength, no will, no anything. I dunno what to do w/ myself. I just really feel like i want to go like jump off a bridge. I dunno what to do or say anymore. Today, Nikki got all pissed and i was trying to be a good boyfriend and trying to help her, but she is so stubborn and won't accept any of my help even when she knows she needs it. It's like she doesn't want to be taken DOWN to MY level since i know i'm at a lower level of existance. She thinks that she is nothing and she hates herself and she doesn't know why she lives.... I LOVE her, i tried SOOOOOO hard to try to convince her that she means the world to me, and that in my eyes she is something, she is everything. She still persists in saying that she isn't. She doesn't understand how much it KILLS me to hear her say that. Its like i am nothing to her and my opinion counts for nothing. She doesn't understand how much she actually means to someone. No matter what i try to do w/ good intentions to the people I love, i ALWAYS end up hurting them... If anyone wants to survive. Run away from me as fast as possible. I only bring sorrow and mourning to the people that are closest to me. I don't know what to say. I'm probably outside in the rain, wishing i died. don't come and get me. I am nothing. Peace