Fic: Lost In New York (2/2)
Meta info in part 1
It was snowing on and off Saturday evening as they emerged from the 72 St. subway station on Central Park West. John held Elizabeth's hand on the pretext of not getting separated, even though the crowds weren't all that bad.
He'd shown up at her door with a bag of Dove chocolate hearts with a big bow on it. Apparently that had been sufficient to satisfy her requirements. Now she raised an eyebrow at him. "Tell me you're not planning a picnic in Central Park in the middle of February."
"Have some faith," he told her, tugging her hand as they walked north. It was only about five blocks to reach their destination. John started up the steps when he realized Elizabeth had stopped at the bottom of the stairs. He looked back at her, his stomach sinking. "Something wrong?"
"We're going to the planetarium?"
"Well, not just the planetarium," he admitted. "There's something else."
She smiled at him, which he figured was a good sign, and followed him. "I haven't been to a planetarium since I was a kid."
They wandered around the exhibits for a little while, then went upstairs. If Elizabeth had figured out his plan, she didn't give any real sign until they came out of the lobby across from the skating rink. The smell of coffee and hot chocolate from the café was strong, and outside the rink was sparkling in the lights from the trees and the sculpture of the polar bear in the center.
"Oh, John," Elizabeth breathed, squeezing his hand. "This is beautiful." She glanced at him and something about the way she just looked at him, with so much emotion on her face, made him squirm.
"I'm glad you like it," he told her awkwardly. "I bought the tickets already. Do you want to skate first or eat first?"
She laughed. "Probably skate first and see if we live through that."
He groaned. "Don't tell me you've never skated before? I thought you grew up in upstate and had to use ice skates to get to school."
She smacked his arm for that one. "I used to skate, but it's been years."
He handed over the tickets and they got their skates on, putting their shoes in the lockers. Both of them wobbled a bit getting out onto the ice. It had been a while since John had done this either, so they both stuck near the wall at first. He got his feet under him first, though, and after a few practice laps he came back to Elizabeth and chuckled. She was still holding nervously onto the wall.
Carefully, he turned around, skating backwards, and held out his hands. "Here, come on." Elizabeth hesitated and he licked his lips. "It's okay. I won't let you fall."
Her eyes met his and for a second he felt a little like he'd just received an electric shock, like his words had meant something more than just offering to help her skate.
The moment passed and Elizabeth grabbed hold of his hands tightly. He moved slowly, gliding backwards as Elizabeth found her balance. They were both laughing as she struggled not to fall a couple of times, but gradually she gained confidence and was able to let go and move on her own.
He felt more at ease and didn't object when Elizabeth reached for his hand, not for balance, while she looked up at the sky. It had stopped snowing for the moment and a space had opened up in the clouds. He could see the moon up above them, and the glowing light from the Rose Center was in front of them.
He looked over at Elizabeth. Her face was red from exertion and her nose was bright pink from the cold. On impulse, he tugged her hand and drew her over to the polar bear until they both came to a stop. She raised her eyebrows at him. John leaned in and kissed her.
Her lips were warm and her mouth warmer, and John's arm slid around her waist without conscious thought, pulling her close as Elizabeth returned his kiss enthusiastically. Even through their coats and sweaters he could feel the shape of her body. It made him wish desperately that they weren't in the middle of a public place.
There was a sound, signaling the end of their hour. John pulled away reluctantly. "Happy Valentine's day, Elizabeth."
Elizabeth smiled. "Thank you for this, John. It was perfect."
He brushed another kiss against her lips, then they started for the door. The rink was getting more crowded as other people clearly had the same idea for a romantic evening on Valentine's Day. Elizabeth grinned. "I don't know about you, but I've worked up a bit of an appetite."
John stumbled, barely recovering before he fell. He had a feeling Elizabeth knew exactly how he'd initially interpreted that statement, but she just smirked at him and sat down to take off her skates. "Pizza at 'your' place?"
He'd admitted to Elizabeth he'd never gone to John's, the famous pizzeria in Times Square, and she'd been teasing him about it ever since. He sighed in mock defeat. "Do I get free dessert for having the same name?"
She patted his shoulder. "We can always ask."
*~*~*~*
By Wednesday John felt like he was going crazy. He'd spoken to Elizabeth every day on the phone but a phone conversation just wasn't the same as being with her. He felt antsy, like he'd had too much caffeine, but this was at least more pleasant than that feeling.
He blamed the tension for what happened that morning.
Teyla had come in from a doctor's appointment, grinning a bit to herself. "What's up?" he asked her.
Teyla pulled a bottle of grape juice out of the fridge in the employee room. "I think Kate's seeing someone."
John raised his eyebrows, working to keep the rest of his expression guileless. "Oh?"
"She wouldn't give me details, but she had a mark on her neck this morning. She was wearing a turtleneck but she pulled it down for a second and I saw it."
"Huh," he said. His brain had drifted to Elizabeth and the soft skin on her throat and the sound she made when he kissed her there, something he'd learned last weekend. And really wanted to do again.
Which was why he blurted out without thinking, "Ronon's got a mark on his neck this morning, too, you know."
Teyla's eyes went wide and John froze. He'd promised Ronon he wouldn't tell Teyla anything. Kate apparently was worried Teyla wouldn't appreciate her doctor dating one of her employees, or at least that was why she'd asked Ronon to keep quiet. Not that Ronon was prone to blabbing about his sex life. Or anything, really.
Teyla looked suspicious. John bolted for the counter with a mumbled excuse. She followed him to the door and stood there, scrutinizing Ronon, who was bearing a red mark on his neck clearly left by someone and in no way hidden by his t-shirt.
Ronon raised his eyebrows at Teyla and then glanced at John. Despite his efforts to look innocent, his face must've given something away because Ronon glared. John cringed and went to help the next customer, wondering idly if Elizabeth would run off to Mexico with him if he had to get away from Ronon.
*~*~*~*
In spite of repeated warnings and a couple hand-slaps, John sidled up behind Elizabeth, slipping his arms around her waist and nuzzling her neck. She was attempting to cook dinner for them. He could admit he wasn't being precisely helpful, constantly kissing her or touching her - often inappropriately - while she was handling hot items and food. He couldn't seem to help himself. He hadn't seen her since the previous Sunday when they went to see an old Marx brothers movie at a revival theater in Greenwich Village. Elizabeth had been busy all week, too busy, she said, even to meet at a McDonald's again.
Three weeks of dating and he felt like he'd been in withdrawal not seeing her for five days. And they hadn't even slept together. Yet.
Elizabeth was keeping her eyes fixed on the tomato concoction on the stove. John brushed the curls of hair away from her neck and trailed kisses up the delicate curve, as softly as he could stand. She shivered all over and he knew he was smirking but he couldn't help it.
He nibbled on her earlobe and she simultaneously tilted her head for him and grumbled. "Do you want to eat dinner or not?"
For a second he almost blurted out the truth. He didn't care about dinner. He didn't care about anything but spinning her around and kissing her until she was ready to faint. Part of his brain was already calculating the height of the kitchen counter and whether it was low enough to work.
Fortunately, the horny teenager in him subsided after a second and he squeezed her a little tighter before letting go. "Sorry. A week of deprivation makes me a little crazy."
That got him a sympathetic look. "Do you know the last time I cooked for a guy? You've seen my collection of take-out menus."
"I brought dessert!" he protested, although not seriously.
With a roll of her eyes she nodded to the other pot on the stove. "Drain the rice and put it in that bowl, will you?"
"Yes, ma'am."
Elizabeth poured the beef and sauce combo onto the rice and they sat down at her tiny kitchen table, which was set for two and had a candle burning in the middle. Her apartment actually looked out over the street and the table was just underneath the window, so they people watched as they ate.
Even if he'd been lying, John knew enough to praise Elizabeth's cooking. Thankfully, he didn't have to lie in this case. "Mmm, this is great."
She poked at her plate for a second. "Not too much onion?"
He shook his head and they ate in relaxed quiet, observing the comings and goings across the street. A woman appeared to be having a rather intense phone conversation in the building across from Elizabeth's. She kept pacing back and forth with the phone in one hand.
In the midst of spinning out theories on what the woman was talking about, John suddenly felt Elizabeth's fingers on his cheek.
"You have some sauce, there," she told him, wiping at the corner of his mouth.
Before he could stop himself, John turned and kissed her thumb. He felt it drag against his lower lip for a moment before Elizabeth recollected herself enough to move away. Her cheeks had gotten a little pinker and John shifted in his seat slightly.
They ate one of the two slices of cake he'd brought from the Italian bakery and he body-checked her when she tried to gather the dishes. "Nuh-uh, the cook doesn't clean up." He took her plate away before she could argue.
He got everything clean but the frying pan, which needed to soak a while. When he moved out of the alcove that housed the kitchen, Elizabeth was at the other window and listening to Sam Cooke on her stereo. Something about her posture seemed stiff. She'd been acting slightly off all night. He figured she was tired, which meant he needed to be realistic about the prospect of spending the night.
Sternly telling himself that he was an adult capable of self-control, John again moved behind her and held her, keeping his hands safely around her waist. He stretched forward to kiss her cheek. "Thank you for dinner."
"You're welcome."
They stood there in silence for a few minutes, until John thought he needed to distract himself before his hands and lips started wandering again. The song changed to something slightly more upbeat and he put a hand over hers. "You want to dance?"
She looked a little surprised. "Here?"
"Better here than in public," he shrugged.
Elizabeth laughed, something she didn't do often enough for his taste. They stood in the small cleared space between her couch and her television and he held her close, one arm around her waist. His other hand held hers up as they started to sway together. Her eyes lifted from their feet to his face and on instinct, he pressed her hand against his heart and covered it with his own.
It was nice, really, just getting to hold her, feel her nearby. He could smell her shampoo as Elizabeth leaned into him. But he wanted so much more. And he could feel the way she was retreating every time things got even a little out of control between them. He wouldn't have been able to live with himself if he forced her into anything, but at the same time, his willpower was starting to erode.
Elizabeth stretched up and kissed him and John's mind wanted to slip off the leash again. Her couch was just behind them. Her bedroom was only a few steps away. He couldn't keep his arm from tugging her even closer, couldn't keep himself from deepening the kiss. When Elizabeth moaned against his mouth he snapped. He stopped moving, burying both hands in her hair and devouring her, hoping like hell she would understand what he was trying to tell her.
When she tried to pull away he resisted for a minute. He didn't know if it was the short amount of time they'd been dating or something about Elizabeth herself, but he didn't remember ever wanting anyone this much in his life.
His sanity managed to reassert itself and he let her draw back. She was breathing hard, too, and her lips were red and his hands clenched involuntarily with the urge to drag her back to him.
"John, I-" she stopped, her fingers going to her lips.
Something in him coiled in fear.
"Elizabeth, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to push you or anything-"
"No," she shook her head. "It's not... that's not it, John. Really." He must have looked dubious because she put a hand on his arm. "You didn't do anything wrong. It's me." Generally he really hated that speech, but she drew a deep breath. "There's something I have to tell you."
A hundred things swept through his mind, ranging from bad to horrible. But he was completely blindsided by her next words.
"I've been offered a job in D.C."
***
John sat on the couch, staring at his shoes while Elizabeth explained that she'd been offered a job by an old colleague, working down in D.C. at either the State department or some group that worked with the State department. He couldn't really process what she was saying. His stomach was tying itself in knots and the only thing he could really think was "She's leaving" over and over.
He knew Elizabeth was unhappy about her job. Ever since that creepy guy's friend, Ellis, had been appointed as her boss she'd been miserable at work and feeling like she wasn't getting anything done. He'd listened while she lamented that she didn't know what she was doing with her life, or where she really wanted to be.
It had never occurred to him that Elizabeth would have to leave New York to find the answers. Especially not now.
"John?" She was looking at him nervously, her fingers twisted so hard they were white.
"Are you going to take it?" he asked numbly.
She didn't say anything right away, but he could see it in her face.
It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her, "I don't want you to go" but he bit down on his lip. He had no right to say that to her, to try and guilt her into anything. It was her life and he had no business interfering. Elizabeth needed to do what was best for her.
He stood up abruptly. "So, when do you leave?"
Elizabeth looked slightly taken aback by that. "I haven't actually said yes yet, but they want me to start at the beginning of next month if possible. But I'd have to give notice and cancel my lease. Plus finding a new place and all."
He nodded, rubbing his palms absently on his jeans. "Not much time. Though I guess you'll probably want to get away from Ellis as soon as possible." He tried to smile, but it felt more like a grimace. "Well, it's probably a good thing this happened now."
She frowned at him. "Why?"
He shrugged, waving a hand between them awkwardly. "You know. I mean, at least now we both know. Before anything got, you know... Before this turned into something-" He cut himself off there, hearing the anger and the bitterness in his own voice and clenching his fists to stop the swelling frustration inside of him from exploding.
Elizabeth paled and a hurt look crossed her face. John had to physically turn away from her as guilt assailed him. He moved towards the door, unable to think about anything but getting out of there and away from her as fast as possible. By the time he'd put on his coat, Elizabeth had folded her arms across herself and her face was distant and cold.
That was almost worse.
"Thanks for dinner," he managed to get out. "It was a lot nicer than most of the evenings where women have broken up with me." Jesus, get the hell out of here, John he thought to himself. Before you say anything else and make it even worse.
Elizabeth's voice broke, "John, I-" She stopped at the look on his face.
"Take care of yourself, Elizabeth."
John opened the door and used the last of his pride not to bolt down the hall. But when he got into the elevator and the doors slid closed in front of him, he balled a hand into a fist and pounded on the door sharply once before stumbling backwards against the back wall.
"Shit," he muttered, rubbing his face with his hands.
***
Elizabeth didn't call him. She didn't come into the coffee shop. Even though John's heart jumped into his throat every time he saw a customer with dark curly hair, she never appeared. He spotted a girl on the subway one evening who looked a lot like her and immediately his palms got clammy. After he got a closer look he realized it wasn't her, and he spent the rest of the train ride and the walk home glowering, wondering if he was going to spend the rest of his damn life being haunted by Elizabeth's ghost through the streets of the city.
He counted down the days in his head, calculating how likely it was she was gone.
He started to call her about 874 times. He never managed to get far enough for her to pick up the phone, because he kept choking on what to say, how to start apologizing for being a stupid ass, how to find a way to tell her not to go without sounding like he was telling her how to live her own life. He'd had enough of that himself and he swore a long time ago he'd never do that to another person.
It was a Thursday morning, the first day it really felt like spring. The air was warm and there was a breeze blowing fresh air across Manhattan. The customers were all obnoxiously cheerful, which just grated on John's mood.
His coworkers weren't helping. Laura had come in a couple weeks ago after her birthday and announced that she was moving in with Evan. And Teyla had given her unofficial blessing to Ronon dating her OB/GYN. Chuck and his girlfriend had gotten back together yet again.
John felt like the whole world hated him. Everyone had been giving him a wide berth for weeks. Even Ronon was looking leery of John's temper these days. He knew he was being a jerk, but it felt like he was almost powerless to make it stop.
Teyla was going on maternity leave in a few more days, and none too soon judging by the size of her stomach. Carson was hovering, bringing her to work and then taking her home every day and calling repeatedly to check in on her and the twins. Laura was running a pool on the babies' weights, length and names. Teyla hadn't been terribly amused by John's suggestion of naming them Siegfried and Roy, though he personally thought that was better than Chuck's proposal of Leopold and Loeb.
She waddled out from her office near the end of his shift, one hand on her back, and handed him a white envelope. "John, someone left this for you yesterday."
He frowned. "When?"
Teyla shot him a look. "It didn't come UPS. It was late in the day."
His name was written on the front, and he had a feeling he knew the handwriting. He ripped the envelope open and pulled out a folded sheet of plain white paper. Something else fell out, a smaller slip of heavy paper.
It was an Amtrak ticket. Round-trip from New York to Washington and back.
John swallowed hard.
The note inside was short, but it made his heart race.
"John -
I'm leaving tomorrow morning for D.C. In the spirit of not letting opportunities pass me by any more, I want to ask you something.
If you really think that we hadn't "started something" already, then just tear the ticket up.
But if you were just being a jackass, come with me tomorrow. It's not a permanent invitation, just for the weekend. So we can talk and figure out what we're going to do.
You're the only part of New York I don't want to lose. Please.
Elizabeth.
John reread the letter four times, until he realized Teyla and everyone else were all staring at him expectantly. He looked at Teyla, who was rubbing her lower back. She had a knowing look on her face. "Elizabeth asked you to go with her?"
He nodded slowly. "Just for this weekend. So we can... talk."
He couldn't wrap his mind around this. He'd been such an asshole to her and Elizabeth still wanted to be with him? So much that she bought him a train ticket? He read the first paragraph of the letter again. "Not letting opportunities pass me by any more." Was that what he did? Just let everything slide past him? Anything not to upset his routine. Never letting anyone get too close, never letting anything really matter all that much. Because it hurt less that way when it all, inevitably, fell apart.
Except in this case, maybe it hadn't. He'd been too busy sulking to give Elizabeth a chance to tell him what she wanted.
"Go."
He blinked. "What?"
Teyla smiled, although it looked a little strained. "Go with her, John. What have you got to lose?"
A lot, he wanted to tell her, thinking of how painful the last few weeks had been. But underneath that, he felt a surge of hope, the first time he'd felt anything but miserable since Elizabeth had told him the news. He was distracted by the grimace on Teyla's face.
"Um, boss?" Laura asked uncertainly, looking at the floor. There was something wet under Teyla's sneakers.
"Oh shit," Teyla muttered.
"You're in labor?" John yelped, wanting to back up but afraid Teyla might faint or something.
Teyla waved a hand. "I've been having contractions since the middle of the night, but they've been pretty far apart."
John gaped at her. Who went into labor and got up and came to work?
All hell broke loose after that. Teyla called Carson, whose response was a lot like John's but much louder, even over the cell phone. Ronon called Kate before Teyla could get to it. Teyla then called Jonas and told him he had to get to work early, while John and Ronon hovered nervously around Teyla, who kept delaying her departure to give one last piece of instruction to them, until Ronon finally strong-armed her to the door. "Will you go have these kids already?" he grumbled, although he looked thoroughly freaked out underneath it.
"Okay, okay, I'm going. And John, remember what I said!"
"Teyla, don't worry about that now. Just take care of yourself. We'll take care of everything here."
Teyla pointed at John. "Oh, no you don't! Don't use this as an excuse to chicken out. Go! Use that ticket!"
Laura grabbed Teyla's elbow and got her into a cab while the patrons in the coffee shop chattered excitedly. John shared a look with Ronon. Teyla was a force of nature, no doubt about it.
***
He didn't sleep that night. He tried a few times, but finally gave up, staring out the tiny window of his apartment while it poured buckets for several hours. The rain finally ended near dawn and John watched the sky clear and lighten outside.
Elizabeth's letter and the train ticket were sitting on his kitchen table.
***
Flooding in the 28th Street station meant John was late getting to the Herald Square subway stop. He rushed through the crowds, hurrying down the connections to Penn Station. He hadn't been here in a while and he had to hunt to find the right tracks for the 141 to Union Station in D.C. It was 9:28 when he finally reached the platform, and the train was due to leave at 9:35.
He ducked and wove through the people, panting, thinking that by now Elizabeth was going to have assumed he wasn't going to show and gotten on the train already. Logically, of course, he could just get on the train and find her but whether from the delays or the sleeplessness or the bone-deep, relentless drumbeat of unhappiness he'd been living with constantly since that night in Elizabeth's apartment, he felt like he had to find Elizabeth before she got on the train without him. All the panic he'd been feeling for weeks seemed to have seized him completely.
But he couldn't see her anywhere. His heart was sinking when he heard a familiar voice.
"John?"
A crowd of tourists moved out of his way and he saw Elizabeth, standing with her suitcase and a bag near the door to the waiting train.
John didn't stop moving. In fact, he sped up, until he was running right towards her. But Elizabeth was moving too, and he stopped short just in time to catch her in his arms and lift her up off her feet. He buried his face in her neck, breathing her in, feeling relief flood through him as her arms wrapped around his neck and she held on to him tightly.
People were gawking around them and John set her down and loosened his hold enough that he could look into her face. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay-" she started but he shook his head.
"No, it's not, and I'm probably going to be apologizing until at least Philadelphia if not longer, but-" He framed her face with his hands. "I don't want to lose you either."
Some woman nearby audibly "awwed" at that, but Elizabeth smiled and leaned up and kissed him and John couldn't have cared less about their audience or anything else in the world.
They made the train but just barely, to the great amusement of the porters.
***
EPILOGUE
The train was chugging through New Jersey when John's cell phone rang. He reluctantly let go of Elizabeth's hand to answer it. She watched curiously as he grinned through the conversation and then closed the phone back up. "Teyla had the twins," he told her.
Elizabeth's eyes widened. "She was in labor?"
He nodded, telling her the story of how he'd gotten her letter at work and about Teyla telling him to go to D.C. anyway.
"The babies are okay?"
"Slightly early but Laura said everything's fine. Well, Teyla kicked Carson in the groin at one point, apparently, but the kids are okay."
Elizabeth smiled, leaning her head on his shoulder. "What are the names?"
"Nick and Nora."
"Oh, like from the Thin Man movies?"
"Yep," John sighed. "Ronon's going to be hell to live with. He won the pool."
"Maybe you can claim he had inside help?"
"Hunh, that's right. If Kate tipped him off..."
"Definitely cheating," Elizabeth said solemnly.
John nodded. He took hold of her hand again and squeezed her fingers. "So, tell me about the new place."
She raised her eyebrows, looking slightly mischievous. She leaned even closer and John's heart rate started to go up. "I bought a new bed," she told him, her voice husky. "Big, queen-sized, lots of pillows."
"Elizabeth," he whined.
She chuckled. She was evil to the core, he thought. "Hey, you know you're in for at least some punishment for the last few weeks," she told him.
"Did I mention I was sorry?" he asked humbly. Anything to keep her from teasing him like that again when they had a seven hour train ride ahead of them.
"Once or twice." Her thumb brushed against his lips when her hand cupped his cheek. He leaned in and kissed her, savoring the feeling of her lips and her body. He had no idea how it was that he'd gotten so addicted to her so fast, but he didn't really care anymore.
"I'll make it up to you," he promised. He wouldn't lose her. Not again.
Elizabeth snuggled against him, grinning. "I'll hold you to that."
***
It was snowing on and off Saturday evening as they emerged from the 72 St. subway station on Central Park West. John held Elizabeth's hand on the pretext of not getting separated, even though the crowds weren't all that bad.
He'd shown up at her door with a bag of Dove chocolate hearts with a big bow on it. Apparently that had been sufficient to satisfy her requirements. Now she raised an eyebrow at him. "Tell me you're not planning a picnic in Central Park in the middle of February."
"Have some faith," he told her, tugging her hand as they walked north. It was only about five blocks to reach their destination. John started up the steps when he realized Elizabeth had stopped at the bottom of the stairs. He looked back at her, his stomach sinking. "Something wrong?"
"We're going to the planetarium?"
"Well, not just the planetarium," he admitted. "There's something else."
She smiled at him, which he figured was a good sign, and followed him. "I haven't been to a planetarium since I was a kid."
They wandered around the exhibits for a little while, then went upstairs. If Elizabeth had figured out his plan, she didn't give any real sign until they came out of the lobby across from the skating rink. The smell of coffee and hot chocolate from the café was strong, and outside the rink was sparkling in the lights from the trees and the sculpture of the polar bear in the center.
"Oh, John," Elizabeth breathed, squeezing his hand. "This is beautiful." She glanced at him and something about the way she just looked at him, with so much emotion on her face, made him squirm.
"I'm glad you like it," he told her awkwardly. "I bought the tickets already. Do you want to skate first or eat first?"
She laughed. "Probably skate first and see if we live through that."
He groaned. "Don't tell me you've never skated before? I thought you grew up in upstate and had to use ice skates to get to school."
She smacked his arm for that one. "I used to skate, but it's been years."
He handed over the tickets and they got their skates on, putting their shoes in the lockers. Both of them wobbled a bit getting out onto the ice. It had been a while since John had done this either, so they both stuck near the wall at first. He got his feet under him first, though, and after a few practice laps he came back to Elizabeth and chuckled. She was still holding nervously onto the wall.
Carefully, he turned around, skating backwards, and held out his hands. "Here, come on." Elizabeth hesitated and he licked his lips. "It's okay. I won't let you fall."
Her eyes met his and for a second he felt a little like he'd just received an electric shock, like his words had meant something more than just offering to help her skate.
The moment passed and Elizabeth grabbed hold of his hands tightly. He moved slowly, gliding backwards as Elizabeth found her balance. They were both laughing as she struggled not to fall a couple of times, but gradually she gained confidence and was able to let go and move on her own.
He felt more at ease and didn't object when Elizabeth reached for his hand, not for balance, while she looked up at the sky. It had stopped snowing for the moment and a space had opened up in the clouds. He could see the moon up above them, and the glowing light from the Rose Center was in front of them.
He looked over at Elizabeth. Her face was red from exertion and her nose was bright pink from the cold. On impulse, he tugged her hand and drew her over to the polar bear until they both came to a stop. She raised her eyebrows at him. John leaned in and kissed her.
Her lips were warm and her mouth warmer, and John's arm slid around her waist without conscious thought, pulling her close as Elizabeth returned his kiss enthusiastically. Even through their coats and sweaters he could feel the shape of her body. It made him wish desperately that they weren't in the middle of a public place.
There was a sound, signaling the end of their hour. John pulled away reluctantly. "Happy Valentine's day, Elizabeth."
Elizabeth smiled. "Thank you for this, John. It was perfect."
He brushed another kiss against her lips, then they started for the door. The rink was getting more crowded as other people clearly had the same idea for a romantic evening on Valentine's Day. Elizabeth grinned. "I don't know about you, but I've worked up a bit of an appetite."
John stumbled, barely recovering before he fell. He had a feeling Elizabeth knew exactly how he'd initially interpreted that statement, but she just smirked at him and sat down to take off her skates. "Pizza at 'your' place?"
He'd admitted to Elizabeth he'd never gone to John's, the famous pizzeria in Times Square, and she'd been teasing him about it ever since. He sighed in mock defeat. "Do I get free dessert for having the same name?"
She patted his shoulder. "We can always ask."
*~*~*~*
By Wednesday John felt like he was going crazy. He'd spoken to Elizabeth every day on the phone but a phone conversation just wasn't the same as being with her. He felt antsy, like he'd had too much caffeine, but this was at least more pleasant than that feeling.
He blamed the tension for what happened that morning.
Teyla had come in from a doctor's appointment, grinning a bit to herself. "What's up?" he asked her.
Teyla pulled a bottle of grape juice out of the fridge in the employee room. "I think Kate's seeing someone."
John raised his eyebrows, working to keep the rest of his expression guileless. "Oh?"
"She wouldn't give me details, but she had a mark on her neck this morning. She was wearing a turtleneck but she pulled it down for a second and I saw it."
"Huh," he said. His brain had drifted to Elizabeth and the soft skin on her throat and the sound she made when he kissed her there, something he'd learned last weekend. And really wanted to do again.
Which was why he blurted out without thinking, "Ronon's got a mark on his neck this morning, too, you know."
Teyla's eyes went wide and John froze. He'd promised Ronon he wouldn't tell Teyla anything. Kate apparently was worried Teyla wouldn't appreciate her doctor dating one of her employees, or at least that was why she'd asked Ronon to keep quiet. Not that Ronon was prone to blabbing about his sex life. Or anything, really.
Teyla looked suspicious. John bolted for the counter with a mumbled excuse. She followed him to the door and stood there, scrutinizing Ronon, who was bearing a red mark on his neck clearly left by someone and in no way hidden by his t-shirt.
Ronon raised his eyebrows at Teyla and then glanced at John. Despite his efforts to look innocent, his face must've given something away because Ronon glared. John cringed and went to help the next customer, wondering idly if Elizabeth would run off to Mexico with him if he had to get away from Ronon.
*~*~*~*
In spite of repeated warnings and a couple hand-slaps, John sidled up behind Elizabeth, slipping his arms around her waist and nuzzling her neck. She was attempting to cook dinner for them. He could admit he wasn't being precisely helpful, constantly kissing her or touching her - often inappropriately - while she was handling hot items and food. He couldn't seem to help himself. He hadn't seen her since the previous Sunday when they went to see an old Marx brothers movie at a revival theater in Greenwich Village. Elizabeth had been busy all week, too busy, she said, even to meet at a McDonald's again.
Three weeks of dating and he felt like he'd been in withdrawal not seeing her for five days. And they hadn't even slept together. Yet.
Elizabeth was keeping her eyes fixed on the tomato concoction on the stove. John brushed the curls of hair away from her neck and trailed kisses up the delicate curve, as softly as he could stand. She shivered all over and he knew he was smirking but he couldn't help it.
He nibbled on her earlobe and she simultaneously tilted her head for him and grumbled. "Do you want to eat dinner or not?"
For a second he almost blurted out the truth. He didn't care about dinner. He didn't care about anything but spinning her around and kissing her until she was ready to faint. Part of his brain was already calculating the height of the kitchen counter and whether it was low enough to work.
Fortunately, the horny teenager in him subsided after a second and he squeezed her a little tighter before letting go. "Sorry. A week of deprivation makes me a little crazy."
That got him a sympathetic look. "Do you know the last time I cooked for a guy? You've seen my collection of take-out menus."
"I brought dessert!" he protested, although not seriously.
With a roll of her eyes she nodded to the other pot on the stove. "Drain the rice and put it in that bowl, will you?"
"Yes, ma'am."
Elizabeth poured the beef and sauce combo onto the rice and they sat down at her tiny kitchen table, which was set for two and had a candle burning in the middle. Her apartment actually looked out over the street and the table was just underneath the window, so they people watched as they ate.
Even if he'd been lying, John knew enough to praise Elizabeth's cooking. Thankfully, he didn't have to lie in this case. "Mmm, this is great."
She poked at her plate for a second. "Not too much onion?"
He shook his head and they ate in relaxed quiet, observing the comings and goings across the street. A woman appeared to be having a rather intense phone conversation in the building across from Elizabeth's. She kept pacing back and forth with the phone in one hand.
In the midst of spinning out theories on what the woman was talking about, John suddenly felt Elizabeth's fingers on his cheek.
"You have some sauce, there," she told him, wiping at the corner of his mouth.
Before he could stop himself, John turned and kissed her thumb. He felt it drag against his lower lip for a moment before Elizabeth recollected herself enough to move away. Her cheeks had gotten a little pinker and John shifted in his seat slightly.
They ate one of the two slices of cake he'd brought from the Italian bakery and he body-checked her when she tried to gather the dishes. "Nuh-uh, the cook doesn't clean up." He took her plate away before she could argue.
He got everything clean but the frying pan, which needed to soak a while. When he moved out of the alcove that housed the kitchen, Elizabeth was at the other window and listening to Sam Cooke on her stereo. Something about her posture seemed stiff. She'd been acting slightly off all night. He figured she was tired, which meant he needed to be realistic about the prospect of spending the night.
Sternly telling himself that he was an adult capable of self-control, John again moved behind her and held her, keeping his hands safely around her waist. He stretched forward to kiss her cheek. "Thank you for dinner."
"You're welcome."
They stood there in silence for a few minutes, until John thought he needed to distract himself before his hands and lips started wandering again. The song changed to something slightly more upbeat and he put a hand over hers. "You want to dance?"
She looked a little surprised. "Here?"
"Better here than in public," he shrugged.
Elizabeth laughed, something she didn't do often enough for his taste. They stood in the small cleared space between her couch and her television and he held her close, one arm around her waist. His other hand held hers up as they started to sway together. Her eyes lifted from their feet to his face and on instinct, he pressed her hand against his heart and covered it with his own.
It was nice, really, just getting to hold her, feel her nearby. He could smell her shampoo as Elizabeth leaned into him. But he wanted so much more. And he could feel the way she was retreating every time things got even a little out of control between them. He wouldn't have been able to live with himself if he forced her into anything, but at the same time, his willpower was starting to erode.
Elizabeth stretched up and kissed him and John's mind wanted to slip off the leash again. Her couch was just behind them. Her bedroom was only a few steps away. He couldn't keep his arm from tugging her even closer, couldn't keep himself from deepening the kiss. When Elizabeth moaned against his mouth he snapped. He stopped moving, burying both hands in her hair and devouring her, hoping like hell she would understand what he was trying to tell her.
When she tried to pull away he resisted for a minute. He didn't know if it was the short amount of time they'd been dating or something about Elizabeth herself, but he didn't remember ever wanting anyone this much in his life.
His sanity managed to reassert itself and he let her draw back. She was breathing hard, too, and her lips were red and his hands clenched involuntarily with the urge to drag her back to him.
"John, I-" she stopped, her fingers going to her lips.
Something in him coiled in fear.
"Elizabeth, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to push you or anything-"
"No," she shook her head. "It's not... that's not it, John. Really." He must have looked dubious because she put a hand on his arm. "You didn't do anything wrong. It's me." Generally he really hated that speech, but she drew a deep breath. "There's something I have to tell you."
A hundred things swept through his mind, ranging from bad to horrible. But he was completely blindsided by her next words.
"I've been offered a job in D.C."
***
John sat on the couch, staring at his shoes while Elizabeth explained that she'd been offered a job by an old colleague, working down in D.C. at either the State department or some group that worked with the State department. He couldn't really process what she was saying. His stomach was tying itself in knots and the only thing he could really think was "She's leaving" over and over.
He knew Elizabeth was unhappy about her job. Ever since that creepy guy's friend, Ellis, had been appointed as her boss she'd been miserable at work and feeling like she wasn't getting anything done. He'd listened while she lamented that she didn't know what she was doing with her life, or where she really wanted to be.
It had never occurred to him that Elizabeth would have to leave New York to find the answers. Especially not now.
"John?" She was looking at him nervously, her fingers twisted so hard they were white.
"Are you going to take it?" he asked numbly.
She didn't say anything right away, but he could see it in her face.
It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her, "I don't want you to go" but he bit down on his lip. He had no right to say that to her, to try and guilt her into anything. It was her life and he had no business interfering. Elizabeth needed to do what was best for her.
He stood up abruptly. "So, when do you leave?"
Elizabeth looked slightly taken aback by that. "I haven't actually said yes yet, but they want me to start at the beginning of next month if possible. But I'd have to give notice and cancel my lease. Plus finding a new place and all."
He nodded, rubbing his palms absently on his jeans. "Not much time. Though I guess you'll probably want to get away from Ellis as soon as possible." He tried to smile, but it felt more like a grimace. "Well, it's probably a good thing this happened now."
She frowned at him. "Why?"
He shrugged, waving a hand between them awkwardly. "You know. I mean, at least now we both know. Before anything got, you know... Before this turned into something-" He cut himself off there, hearing the anger and the bitterness in his own voice and clenching his fists to stop the swelling frustration inside of him from exploding.
Elizabeth paled and a hurt look crossed her face. John had to physically turn away from her as guilt assailed him. He moved towards the door, unable to think about anything but getting out of there and away from her as fast as possible. By the time he'd put on his coat, Elizabeth had folded her arms across herself and her face was distant and cold.
That was almost worse.
"Thanks for dinner," he managed to get out. "It was a lot nicer than most of the evenings where women have broken up with me." Jesus, get the hell out of here, John he thought to himself. Before you say anything else and make it even worse.
Elizabeth's voice broke, "John, I-" She stopped at the look on his face.
"Take care of yourself, Elizabeth."
John opened the door and used the last of his pride not to bolt down the hall. But when he got into the elevator and the doors slid closed in front of him, he balled a hand into a fist and pounded on the door sharply once before stumbling backwards against the back wall.
"Shit," he muttered, rubbing his face with his hands.
***
Elizabeth didn't call him. She didn't come into the coffee shop. Even though John's heart jumped into his throat every time he saw a customer with dark curly hair, she never appeared. He spotted a girl on the subway one evening who looked a lot like her and immediately his palms got clammy. After he got a closer look he realized it wasn't her, and he spent the rest of the train ride and the walk home glowering, wondering if he was going to spend the rest of his damn life being haunted by Elizabeth's ghost through the streets of the city.
He counted down the days in his head, calculating how likely it was she was gone.
He started to call her about 874 times. He never managed to get far enough for her to pick up the phone, because he kept choking on what to say, how to start apologizing for being a stupid ass, how to find a way to tell her not to go without sounding like he was telling her how to live her own life. He'd had enough of that himself and he swore a long time ago he'd never do that to another person.
It was a Thursday morning, the first day it really felt like spring. The air was warm and there was a breeze blowing fresh air across Manhattan. The customers were all obnoxiously cheerful, which just grated on John's mood.
His coworkers weren't helping. Laura had come in a couple weeks ago after her birthday and announced that she was moving in with Evan. And Teyla had given her unofficial blessing to Ronon dating her OB/GYN. Chuck and his girlfriend had gotten back together yet again.
John felt like the whole world hated him. Everyone had been giving him a wide berth for weeks. Even Ronon was looking leery of John's temper these days. He knew he was being a jerk, but it felt like he was almost powerless to make it stop.
Teyla was going on maternity leave in a few more days, and none too soon judging by the size of her stomach. Carson was hovering, bringing her to work and then taking her home every day and calling repeatedly to check in on her and the twins. Laura was running a pool on the babies' weights, length and names. Teyla hadn't been terribly amused by John's suggestion of naming them Siegfried and Roy, though he personally thought that was better than Chuck's proposal of Leopold and Loeb.
She waddled out from her office near the end of his shift, one hand on her back, and handed him a white envelope. "John, someone left this for you yesterday."
He frowned. "When?"
Teyla shot him a look. "It didn't come UPS. It was late in the day."
His name was written on the front, and he had a feeling he knew the handwriting. He ripped the envelope open and pulled out a folded sheet of plain white paper. Something else fell out, a smaller slip of heavy paper.
It was an Amtrak ticket. Round-trip from New York to Washington and back.
John swallowed hard.
The note inside was short, but it made his heart race.
"John -
I'm leaving tomorrow morning for D.C. In the spirit of not letting opportunities pass me by any more, I want to ask you something.
If you really think that we hadn't "started something" already, then just tear the ticket up.
But if you were just being a jackass, come with me tomorrow. It's not a permanent invitation, just for the weekend. So we can talk and figure out what we're going to do.
You're the only part of New York I don't want to lose. Please.
Elizabeth.
John reread the letter four times, until he realized Teyla and everyone else were all staring at him expectantly. He looked at Teyla, who was rubbing her lower back. She had a knowing look on her face. "Elizabeth asked you to go with her?"
He nodded slowly. "Just for this weekend. So we can... talk."
He couldn't wrap his mind around this. He'd been such an asshole to her and Elizabeth still wanted to be with him? So much that she bought him a train ticket? He read the first paragraph of the letter again. "Not letting opportunities pass me by any more." Was that what he did? Just let everything slide past him? Anything not to upset his routine. Never letting anyone get too close, never letting anything really matter all that much. Because it hurt less that way when it all, inevitably, fell apart.
Except in this case, maybe it hadn't. He'd been too busy sulking to give Elizabeth a chance to tell him what she wanted.
"Go."
He blinked. "What?"
Teyla smiled, although it looked a little strained. "Go with her, John. What have you got to lose?"
A lot, he wanted to tell her, thinking of how painful the last few weeks had been. But underneath that, he felt a surge of hope, the first time he'd felt anything but miserable since Elizabeth had told him the news. He was distracted by the grimace on Teyla's face.
"Um, boss?" Laura asked uncertainly, looking at the floor. There was something wet under Teyla's sneakers.
"Oh shit," Teyla muttered.
"You're in labor?" John yelped, wanting to back up but afraid Teyla might faint or something.
Teyla waved a hand. "I've been having contractions since the middle of the night, but they've been pretty far apart."
John gaped at her. Who went into labor and got up and came to work?
All hell broke loose after that. Teyla called Carson, whose response was a lot like John's but much louder, even over the cell phone. Ronon called Kate before Teyla could get to it. Teyla then called Jonas and told him he had to get to work early, while John and Ronon hovered nervously around Teyla, who kept delaying her departure to give one last piece of instruction to them, until Ronon finally strong-armed her to the door. "Will you go have these kids already?" he grumbled, although he looked thoroughly freaked out underneath it.
"Okay, okay, I'm going. And John, remember what I said!"
"Teyla, don't worry about that now. Just take care of yourself. We'll take care of everything here."
Teyla pointed at John. "Oh, no you don't! Don't use this as an excuse to chicken out. Go! Use that ticket!"
Laura grabbed Teyla's elbow and got her into a cab while the patrons in the coffee shop chattered excitedly. John shared a look with Ronon. Teyla was a force of nature, no doubt about it.
***
He didn't sleep that night. He tried a few times, but finally gave up, staring out the tiny window of his apartment while it poured buckets for several hours. The rain finally ended near dawn and John watched the sky clear and lighten outside.
Elizabeth's letter and the train ticket were sitting on his kitchen table.
***
Flooding in the 28th Street station meant John was late getting to the Herald Square subway stop. He rushed through the crowds, hurrying down the connections to Penn Station. He hadn't been here in a while and he had to hunt to find the right tracks for the 141 to Union Station in D.C. It was 9:28 when he finally reached the platform, and the train was due to leave at 9:35.
He ducked and wove through the people, panting, thinking that by now Elizabeth was going to have assumed he wasn't going to show and gotten on the train already. Logically, of course, he could just get on the train and find her but whether from the delays or the sleeplessness or the bone-deep, relentless drumbeat of unhappiness he'd been living with constantly since that night in Elizabeth's apartment, he felt like he had to find Elizabeth before she got on the train without him. All the panic he'd been feeling for weeks seemed to have seized him completely.
But he couldn't see her anywhere. His heart was sinking when he heard a familiar voice.
"John?"
A crowd of tourists moved out of his way and he saw Elizabeth, standing with her suitcase and a bag near the door to the waiting train.
John didn't stop moving. In fact, he sped up, until he was running right towards her. But Elizabeth was moving too, and he stopped short just in time to catch her in his arms and lift her up off her feet. He buried his face in her neck, breathing her in, feeling relief flood through him as her arms wrapped around his neck and she held on to him tightly.
People were gawking around them and John set her down and loosened his hold enough that he could look into her face. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay-" she started but he shook his head.
"No, it's not, and I'm probably going to be apologizing until at least Philadelphia if not longer, but-" He framed her face with his hands. "I don't want to lose you either."
Some woman nearby audibly "awwed" at that, but Elizabeth smiled and leaned up and kissed him and John couldn't have cared less about their audience or anything else in the world.
They made the train but just barely, to the great amusement of the porters.
***
EPILOGUE
The train was chugging through New Jersey when John's cell phone rang. He reluctantly let go of Elizabeth's hand to answer it. She watched curiously as he grinned through the conversation and then closed the phone back up. "Teyla had the twins," he told her.
Elizabeth's eyes widened. "She was in labor?"
He nodded, telling her the story of how he'd gotten her letter at work and about Teyla telling him to go to D.C. anyway.
"The babies are okay?"
"Slightly early but Laura said everything's fine. Well, Teyla kicked Carson in the groin at one point, apparently, but the kids are okay."
Elizabeth smiled, leaning her head on his shoulder. "What are the names?"
"Nick and Nora."
"Oh, like from the Thin Man movies?"
"Yep," John sighed. "Ronon's going to be hell to live with. He won the pool."
"Maybe you can claim he had inside help?"
"Hunh, that's right. If Kate tipped him off..."
"Definitely cheating," Elizabeth said solemnly.
John nodded. He took hold of her hand again and squeezed her fingers. "So, tell me about the new place."
She raised her eyebrows, looking slightly mischievous. She leaned even closer and John's heart rate started to go up. "I bought a new bed," she told him, her voice husky. "Big, queen-sized, lots of pillows."
"Elizabeth," he whined.
She chuckled. She was evil to the core, he thought. "Hey, you know you're in for at least some punishment for the last few weeks," she told him.
"Did I mention I was sorry?" he asked humbly. Anything to keep her from teasing him like that again when they had a seven hour train ride ahead of them.
"Once or twice." Her thumb brushed against his lips when her hand cupped his cheek. He leaned in and kissed her, savoring the feeling of her lips and her body. He had no idea how it was that he'd gotten so addicted to her so fast, but he didn't really care anymore.
"I'll make it up to you," he promised. He wouldn't lose her. Not again.
Elizabeth snuggled against him, grinning. "I'll hold you to that."
***