Fic: Seeking Amy Pt. 2
Title: Seeking Amy Part 2
Author: xakliaaeryn
Beta: dreximgirl
Author's e-mail/website: frellmedead@hotmail.com
Summary: Tragedy strikes John and Elizabeth at the peak of their happiness.
Type / Pairings: John/Elizabeth
Main characters: John, Elizabeth, Carson.
Rating: R for themes
Warnings: Traumatic death and sensitive subject matter (Child fatality).
Disclaimer: I own nothing/no-one written herein. No copyright infringement intended, I'm just borrowing them. :-)
Author's Notes: Prompt was 'Come back to me' Light at the end of the tunnel and 'What next?' I saw this prompt and it took me right back to the fic I used to write for Farscape but never put on-line. I'm going to be honest, I'm a little worried about the reception I'm going to get with this. I don't want to offend or upset anyone and if I do, let me know and I'll take it down. But please, I'm quite sensitive and paranoid about my writing, if something annoys you tell me nicely as I've only just got back into writing and putting fic online after someone was really horrible. :-S
“Hey,” Rodney said quietly as he sat down next to John, dangling his feet over the edge of the pier. He could sense something wasn’t quite right with his friend, he could just feel it in the air. “How did the check-up go? Is Elizabeth ok?”
He watched as John raised a can of beer to his lips and took a deep swig from it, he could see that John’s eyes were red-rimmed and his hand was bandaged up with some blood seeping through to the surface. “Oh God, what happened?” He was dreading the answer.
After a long silence, when Rodney thought that John might simply remain silent, he took a deep shuddering breath and spoke in a hoarse voice. “Elizabeth delivered our baby girl today,” he said simply, his eyes staying down-turned.
“What? But she’s not even, what…six months gone?! Is she all ri--”
John cut him off. “She was stillborn.” His voice sounded strained as if he were fighting tears.
“Oh my God, John. I’m so sorry…”
He sucked in a breath and looked skyward before continuing, “Why is it always so hard, Rodney? Why can’t we just have an easy life? Why do we always have to struggle to be happy?” He looked down at his hands and Rodney followed his eyes. “I held my…baby girl…my…dead…baby girl in my arms today, Rodney, and Elizabeth…she’s leaving me too…I don’t understand…”
Rodney put his arm around John’s shaking shoulders, shocked when he all but collapsed in on himself, with his hands over his face. “Why did this happen to us?”
They sat there for an age or at least that’s how it seemed to Rodney, who truly wanted to offer comfort but didn’t know how.
**
It was two days later when John and Elizabeth had their first conversation. He had sat with her in the infirmary as she drifted in and out of sleep, holding her hand; calming her back into sleep and pleading with her to come back to him. He had barely left her side for more than a few hours, and even when the doctors forced him to get some sleep he wasn’t far away in the next bed over.
When it came time for her to be discharged, John helped her dress while Carson laid down some guidelines for the next few days; resting, eating and lots of fluids. They took their time walking back to their quarters, with Elizabeth having to stop every so often as her aches and pains grew too much to handle. Upon arriving in their room, he sat her down on the bed then went to run a bath for her.
After he had finished the bath, he returned to find her in exactly the same position he had left her in. He knelt in front of her and took her hands in one of his, reaching the other one up to her cheek, “Hey, I’ve run you a bath, why don’t you clean up and then I’ll get something for us to eat?” Her lips quirked up at his concern and she nodded slightly. He smiled at her and kissed her cheek, helping her into the bathroom and to disrobe. Before she got in the water, he took her in his arms from behind and pressed a long kiss to the nape of her neck. “I love you,” he murmured before repeating the action.
“I love you too,” she smiled sadly and he let her go, kissing her cheek and then helping her into the bath before exiting. He busied himself with tidying their room, carefully avoiding going near the room they had set aside for the baby. After he had finished, he debated whether he wanted to face going out into the city to get some food or not. He decided that he wasn’t up to dealing with everyone’s sympathy just yet and called Teyla, asking if she would bring them something from the commissary, to which she kindly agreed. Five minutes later, Teyla turned up at their door with two trays in hand.
“Thank you,” he said as he took the trays from her and placed them on the table just inside the door.
“You are welcome,” she replied courteously. “Is there anything else I can do for either of you?”
“Uhh…yeah…” he glanced back towards the bathroom before continuing. “Could you keep everyone off our backs for a few days? I’m not sure Elizabeth could handle everyone knowing just yet.”
“Of course, I will simply tell the expedition you are ill,” she said kindly. “And John? If you ever need to talk…”
“Thanks, Teyla. I know,” he smiled at her before bidding her goodnight and closing the door. He took the trays and moved them to the table by the balcony after which he went to check on Elizabeth.
He found her sitting on the edge of the bath, staring blankly into space, wrapped in the silk bathrobe he had bought for her last birthday. He sat beside her and wrapped an arm around her back, finding her hand with his other one. Her hands were resting on her stomach and he wondered what she was thinking, but he knew he had to get her to eat, so he led her out to their food.
They both picked at their plates, barely eating anything, neither talking. The silence between them was palpable and it made John uncomfortable and tense. They were nearly finished with their food, Elizabeth pushing hers around her plate idly when she suddenly spoke up.
“I’m going back to Earth.”
He paused, certain he hadn’t heard her right. “What?”
“I need to go back, be with my family for a while,” she explained, eyes fixed on her food.
“What about me?” John asked.
“I’m sorry, John, but I can’t stay here right now. It’s too much,” she told him gently, her voice beginning to break.
“So what am I supposed to do?”
“Go and be with your family, John.”
“You are my family, God damnit!” He cried out. “You and Amy are my family, and now Amy’s gone…I…I…” his eyes filled with tears as he looked away, trying to get himself under control and not be weak in front of Elizabeth. But the feeling of impending abandonment kept creeping up on him.
“Hey, hey,” Elizabeth cooed as she quickly sat beside him. “I’m sorry, I forgot, I’m sorry,” her voice broke as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He took her in to his arms fiercely and cried into her neck.
“Please don’t leave me, please,” he begged, breaking her heart. “I love you, I need you, don’t leave me here alone.”
“I won’t. I won’t. I’m sorry, so, so sorry, John,” she wept in his embrace. “I’m sorry for everything, this is all my fault.”
“Hey! No.” He pulled back from her and framed her face with his hands. “I will not have you blaming yourself for this. This is not your fault, we couldn’t have anticipated this…”
“But I should have known, John! I should have known that our baby was…” she closed her eyes, “…was…Oh God…” she brought a hand up to cover her face. “She’s really gone, isn’t she?” she asked before crumpling back into his embrace and sobbing again.
“I know, darlin’, I know,” John rocked her as she cried, holding back his own emotions so he could be strong for her. For the past two days, when people had visited her or seen her in the corridors, she had put such a brave face, not wanting everyone else in the city to know that she was in this much pain. It had un-nerved him how easily she slipped into that mode when she was around other people, even though he knew she was falling apart underneath.
He held her tightly until she eventually calmed to the point where she was simply sat in his arms, sniffling, as he slowly rocked them back and forth. He stroked her hair and kissed her head gently.
“What next?” she asked quietly.
“I don’t know, sweetheart,” he admitted honestly. “But for now?” He lifted her in his arms and carried her to the bed where he placed her under the covers and joined her himself, stripping down to his underwear and wrapping her up in his arms again. “For now we sleep. We’ll worry about the rest in the morning.”
**
Several years later
They’d just brought her home. Their new baby, safe, healthy and just over one week premature. Carson had kept them in the infirmary for a few days and had released them back to their quarters this afternoon.
Elizabeth contentedly watched her daughter as she lay sleeping in her crib, oblivious to her parents currently conflicted feelings. She smiled and wiped at the lone tear that had crept down her cheek without her realising.
She turned, satisfied that her daughter was safe and asleep and returned to the bedroom she shared with her husband. But instead of finding him already in bed as she anticipated, she saw him sat on his side of the bed facing away from her. She moved to sit next to him and rubbed a hand over his shoulders as she looked down at the object in his hands.
John had retreated to the bedroom and picked up the book as soon as he knew his baby was asleep next door, feeling a need to remind himself of the baby they had lost years before. He turned the pages gently and ran his fingers over the images and details contained within reverently, until he felt his wife settle on the mattress beside him. He looked at her and smiled sadly before returning his attention to the book of memories in his hands. The book had been inspired by Carson Beckett, who had suggested that they collect as many memories of Amy in one place as they could get. There were photos of her wrapped up tightly in her blanket, on her own, being held by himself and by Elizabeth, her hand prints and footprints, her weight and length as well as Elizabeth’s ultrasound scans and Amy’s death certificate.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Elizabeth asked him, running her hands through his hair gently.
“Nothin’, I guess,” he murmured, his eyes settling on a photo of the tiny baby girl. “Just brought back a lot of memories.”
“I know what you mean,” she agreed as her fingers traced the image. “We’ll never forget her, but we need to focus on Kacey now, and I don’t mind telling you that I’m a mix of terrified and excited about what the future holds for us” she smiled at him, despite the fact her eyes were filled with tears.
“Y’know?” he closed the book, caressed the cover and then put it on his night stand before turning to his wife and stroking her hair out of her eyes. “I can’t wait.”
**
The End
Thank you for reading, feedback is much appreciated.
luv
K
Author: xakliaaeryn
Beta: dreximgirl
Author's e-mail/website: frellmedead@hotmail.com
Summary: Tragedy strikes John and Elizabeth at the peak of their happiness.
Type / Pairings: John/Elizabeth
Main characters: John, Elizabeth, Carson.
Rating: R for themes
Warnings: Traumatic death and sensitive subject matter (Child fatality).
Disclaimer: I own nothing/no-one written herein. No copyright infringement intended, I'm just borrowing them. :-)
Author's Notes: Prompt was 'Come back to me' Light at the end of the tunnel and 'What next?' I saw this prompt and it took me right back to the fic I used to write for Farscape but never put on-line. I'm going to be honest, I'm a little worried about the reception I'm going to get with this. I don't want to offend or upset anyone and if I do, let me know and I'll take it down. But please, I'm quite sensitive and paranoid about my writing, if something annoys you tell me nicely as I've only just got back into writing and putting fic online after someone was really horrible. :-S
“Hey,” Rodney said quietly as he sat down next to John, dangling his feet over the edge of the pier. He could sense something wasn’t quite right with his friend, he could just feel it in the air. “How did the check-up go? Is Elizabeth ok?”
He watched as John raised a can of beer to his lips and took a deep swig from it, he could see that John’s eyes were red-rimmed and his hand was bandaged up with some blood seeping through to the surface. “Oh God, what happened?” He was dreading the answer.
After a long silence, when Rodney thought that John might simply remain silent, he took a deep shuddering breath and spoke in a hoarse voice. “Elizabeth delivered our baby girl today,” he said simply, his eyes staying down-turned.
“What? But she’s not even, what…six months gone?! Is she all ri--”
John cut him off. “She was stillborn.” His voice sounded strained as if he were fighting tears.
“Oh my God, John. I’m so sorry…”
He sucked in a breath and looked skyward before continuing, “Why is it always so hard, Rodney? Why can’t we just have an easy life? Why do we always have to struggle to be happy?” He looked down at his hands and Rodney followed his eyes. “I held my…baby girl…my…dead…baby girl in my arms today, Rodney, and Elizabeth…she’s leaving me too…I don’t understand…”
Rodney put his arm around John’s shaking shoulders, shocked when he all but collapsed in on himself, with his hands over his face. “Why did this happen to us?”
They sat there for an age or at least that’s how it seemed to Rodney, who truly wanted to offer comfort but didn’t know how.
**
It was two days later when John and Elizabeth had their first conversation. He had sat with her in the infirmary as she drifted in and out of sleep, holding her hand; calming her back into sleep and pleading with her to come back to him. He had barely left her side for more than a few hours, and even when the doctors forced him to get some sleep he wasn’t far away in the next bed over.
When it came time for her to be discharged, John helped her dress while Carson laid down some guidelines for the next few days; resting, eating and lots of fluids. They took their time walking back to their quarters, with Elizabeth having to stop every so often as her aches and pains grew too much to handle. Upon arriving in their room, he sat her down on the bed then went to run a bath for her.
After he had finished the bath, he returned to find her in exactly the same position he had left her in. He knelt in front of her and took her hands in one of his, reaching the other one up to her cheek, “Hey, I’ve run you a bath, why don’t you clean up and then I’ll get something for us to eat?” Her lips quirked up at his concern and she nodded slightly. He smiled at her and kissed her cheek, helping her into the bathroom and to disrobe. Before she got in the water, he took her in his arms from behind and pressed a long kiss to the nape of her neck. “I love you,” he murmured before repeating the action.
“I love you too,” she smiled sadly and he let her go, kissing her cheek and then helping her into the bath before exiting. He busied himself with tidying their room, carefully avoiding going near the room they had set aside for the baby. After he had finished, he debated whether he wanted to face going out into the city to get some food or not. He decided that he wasn’t up to dealing with everyone’s sympathy just yet and called Teyla, asking if she would bring them something from the commissary, to which she kindly agreed. Five minutes later, Teyla turned up at their door with two trays in hand.
“Thank you,” he said as he took the trays from her and placed them on the table just inside the door.
“You are welcome,” she replied courteously. “Is there anything else I can do for either of you?”
“Uhh…yeah…” he glanced back towards the bathroom before continuing. “Could you keep everyone off our backs for a few days? I’m not sure Elizabeth could handle everyone knowing just yet.”
“Of course, I will simply tell the expedition you are ill,” she said kindly. “And John? If you ever need to talk…”
“Thanks, Teyla. I know,” he smiled at her before bidding her goodnight and closing the door. He took the trays and moved them to the table by the balcony after which he went to check on Elizabeth.
He found her sitting on the edge of the bath, staring blankly into space, wrapped in the silk bathrobe he had bought for her last birthday. He sat beside her and wrapped an arm around her back, finding her hand with his other one. Her hands were resting on her stomach and he wondered what she was thinking, but he knew he had to get her to eat, so he led her out to their food.
They both picked at their plates, barely eating anything, neither talking. The silence between them was palpable and it made John uncomfortable and tense. They were nearly finished with their food, Elizabeth pushing hers around her plate idly when she suddenly spoke up.
“I’m going back to Earth.”
He paused, certain he hadn’t heard her right. “What?”
“I need to go back, be with my family for a while,” she explained, eyes fixed on her food.
“What about me?” John asked.
“I’m sorry, John, but I can’t stay here right now. It’s too much,” she told him gently, her voice beginning to break.
“So what am I supposed to do?”
“Go and be with your family, John.”
“You are my family, God damnit!” He cried out. “You and Amy are my family, and now Amy’s gone…I…I…” his eyes filled with tears as he looked away, trying to get himself under control and not be weak in front of Elizabeth. But the feeling of impending abandonment kept creeping up on him.
“Hey, hey,” Elizabeth cooed as she quickly sat beside him. “I’m sorry, I forgot, I’m sorry,” her voice broke as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He took her in to his arms fiercely and cried into her neck.
“Please don’t leave me, please,” he begged, breaking her heart. “I love you, I need you, don’t leave me here alone.”
“I won’t. I won’t. I’m sorry, so, so sorry, John,” she wept in his embrace. “I’m sorry for everything, this is all my fault.”
“Hey! No.” He pulled back from her and framed her face with his hands. “I will not have you blaming yourself for this. This is not your fault, we couldn’t have anticipated this…”
“But I should have known, John! I should have known that our baby was…” she closed her eyes, “…was…Oh God…” she brought a hand up to cover her face. “She’s really gone, isn’t she?” she asked before crumpling back into his embrace and sobbing again.
“I know, darlin’, I know,” John rocked her as she cried, holding back his own emotions so he could be strong for her. For the past two days, when people had visited her or seen her in the corridors, she had put such a brave face, not wanting everyone else in the city to know that she was in this much pain. It had un-nerved him how easily she slipped into that mode when she was around other people, even though he knew she was falling apart underneath.
He held her tightly until she eventually calmed to the point where she was simply sat in his arms, sniffling, as he slowly rocked them back and forth. He stroked her hair and kissed her head gently.
“What next?” she asked quietly.
“I don’t know, sweetheart,” he admitted honestly. “But for now?” He lifted her in his arms and carried her to the bed where he placed her under the covers and joined her himself, stripping down to his underwear and wrapping her up in his arms again. “For now we sleep. We’ll worry about the rest in the morning.”
**
Several years later
They’d just brought her home. Their new baby, safe, healthy and just over one week premature. Carson had kept them in the infirmary for a few days and had released them back to their quarters this afternoon.
Elizabeth contentedly watched her daughter as she lay sleeping in her crib, oblivious to her parents currently conflicted feelings. She smiled and wiped at the lone tear that had crept down her cheek without her realising.
She turned, satisfied that her daughter was safe and asleep and returned to the bedroom she shared with her husband. But instead of finding him already in bed as she anticipated, she saw him sat on his side of the bed facing away from her. She moved to sit next to him and rubbed a hand over his shoulders as she looked down at the object in his hands.
John had retreated to the bedroom and picked up the book as soon as he knew his baby was asleep next door, feeling a need to remind himself of the baby they had lost years before. He turned the pages gently and ran his fingers over the images and details contained within reverently, until he felt his wife settle on the mattress beside him. He looked at her and smiled sadly before returning his attention to the book of memories in his hands. The book had been inspired by Carson Beckett, who had suggested that they collect as many memories of Amy in one place as they could get. There were photos of her wrapped up tightly in her blanket, on her own, being held by himself and by Elizabeth, her hand prints and footprints, her weight and length as well as Elizabeth’s ultrasound scans and Amy’s death certificate.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Elizabeth asked him, running her hands through his hair gently.
“Nothin’, I guess,” he murmured, his eyes settling on a photo of the tiny baby girl. “Just brought back a lot of memories.”
“I know what you mean,” she agreed as her fingers traced the image. “We’ll never forget her, but we need to focus on Kacey now, and I don’t mind telling you that I’m a mix of terrified and excited about what the future holds for us” she smiled at him, despite the fact her eyes were filled with tears.
“Y’know?” he closed the book, caressed the cover and then put it on his night stand before turning to his wife and stroking her hair out of her eyes. “I can’t wait.”
**
The End
Thank you for reading, feedback is much appreciated.
luv
K