F-what? F-one, F-two? F-you.
On the way out of school for lunch, we had to pull this ridiculous stunt to get it down to just three of us, and it was so funny, I laughed so hard at the nature of it. That's what kind of people we all are. We can't just say, I'm having lunch with so and so, we have to sneak out the back. The saddest part is that it was the rational thing to do.
Today was the first cold day of the year. Reminds me of Erie very much. Not sure if that's a good thing or not. I've even been wearing an old hat from goodwill it's so cold.
We shot our F1's last week. I got sick on the last day, probably from working so hard. My shoot turned out pretty well. I really enjoyed directing and can see myself doing it again in the future comfortably.
I thought I was working with this crutch for the longest time, this person who was shooting the camera for me, but it turns out, I don't really need him all that much. He's talented and all, but so am I. I'm realizing for the first time my capacity for doing all of this might be equal to his, and it is very freeing.
I guess what lead me to that realization was twofold, but mostly in editing, looking at the raw footage and overall only really loving and putting to use the shots that I wanted, the ones that I fought said person for so much. I created two beautiful shots in my head that because he didn't come up with, he naysayed to the end, and I am very happy with the results. I think that visually, these shots are going to make the movie my own.
I really have to start having more faith in myself. I was watching I heart huckabees tonight, and there is a bit of dialogue where Jude Law's character makes a realization that the only reason he jokes is because a joke means, love me. Is that what I do? Do I only act the way I do so people will accept me more readily? Maybe. Probably. The thing is, I think it is working less and less now.
I need to move out. I really am not very happy living where I do currently, for a mixture of reasons, but I've got to find a new way. I'm sure it will present itself in time, I've got another fucking nine months on the lease. I don't particularly like any of my roommates, and they don't really like me, so why would I want to live in this situation any longer than I have to? I can't remember the last time I had some solitude, and I'm really missing it.
Having an almost three week break from my classes made me realize how much I really enjoy my teachers, as people and as educators. They just are really for the most part warm hearted and thoughtful, and I can use more of those people in my life.
I'm starting to feel isolated and alone again, even with myself. I don't know who my friends are, and I feel like I never do. I'm trying though. Am I ever trying to not let depression kick my ass again this year. It almost hit me hard the other day, but someone bailed me out at the last minute.
I don't think I can get addicted to anything. I don't habitually smoke, drink, do drugs, have sex, or eat, yet I enjoy all of those things whenever the mood strikes me. That strikes me as odd.
I don't think I'm going to post this afterall.
Today was the first cold day of the year. Reminds me of Erie very much. Not sure if that's a good thing or not. I've even been wearing an old hat from goodwill it's so cold.
We shot our F1's last week. I got sick on the last day, probably from working so hard. My shoot turned out pretty well. I really enjoyed directing and can see myself doing it again in the future comfortably.
I thought I was working with this crutch for the longest time, this person who was shooting the camera for me, but it turns out, I don't really need him all that much. He's talented and all, but so am I. I'm realizing for the first time my capacity for doing all of this might be equal to his, and it is very freeing.
I guess what lead me to that realization was twofold, but mostly in editing, looking at the raw footage and overall only really loving and putting to use the shots that I wanted, the ones that I fought said person for so much. I created two beautiful shots in my head that because he didn't come up with, he naysayed to the end, and I am very happy with the results. I think that visually, these shots are going to make the movie my own.
I really have to start having more faith in myself. I was watching I heart huckabees tonight, and there is a bit of dialogue where Jude Law's character makes a realization that the only reason he jokes is because a joke means, love me. Is that what I do? Do I only act the way I do so people will accept me more readily? Maybe. Probably. The thing is, I think it is working less and less now.
I need to move out. I really am not very happy living where I do currently, for a mixture of reasons, but I've got to find a new way. I'm sure it will present itself in time, I've got another fucking nine months on the lease. I don't particularly like any of my roommates, and they don't really like me, so why would I want to live in this situation any longer than I have to? I can't remember the last time I had some solitude, and I'm really missing it.
Having an almost three week break from my classes made me realize how much I really enjoy my teachers, as people and as educators. They just are really for the most part warm hearted and thoughtful, and I can use more of those people in my life.
I'm starting to feel isolated and alone again, even with myself. I don't know who my friends are, and I feel like I never do. I'm trying though. Am I ever trying to not let depression kick my ass again this year. It almost hit me hard the other day, but someone bailed me out at the last minute.
I don't think I can get addicted to anything. I don't habitually smoke, drink, do drugs, have sex, or eat, yet I enjoy all of those things whenever the mood strikes me. That strikes me as odd.
I don't think I'm going to post this afterall.