more pain to take in..is it real or just another dream

[lostboy_panda31]

i didnt get any fucking sleep at all last night.i stayed up till 5 oclock in the fucking morning play fucking pokemon.yea say it iam a big ass loser.i dont know why i shouldnt sleep.it was like....well i dont know?i cant exsplan well maybe i can.i had one of those images when you know that the person that you claim to love is doing something when you are not around.it was so odd.i could feel him toughing me but it wasnt me it was some fucking blond that looked like libby.if i had the chance i would kill her.and make it look like it was a suiside(sp)anyways it scard the shit out of me.i wanted to call his ass up and see what hes doing but i cant b/c iam poor and my phone has been disconnected so i cant do that and pluse i dont know his phone number to his new house.big tear.the more i think about it i know that he is cheating on me more then i have.shit like this kills me b/c i end up hurting myself b/c i fall in love with a ass hole that makes me believe that iam the one fucking up the relationship.he was the one that moved away.he was the one that didnt try to keep intouch with me for half of our frist year relatioship and now that its going to our second year he did the same shit agin.i really wanna cry.i dont know anymore i should just give up.thats all i can do give up ive tryed and tryed and ive bitched and bitched theres nothing that i can do but give up its not something that i really ever do.its not in to give up but i have to do it ....

hey i need some advice please someone help me....please
love panda xoxox
peter pan please guide me back to neverland it were i belong now and forever