[ With great power comes great responsibility. . ]
I've tried not to here, you know. I've tried to keep this as angst free as possible for the new year but fuck it. If I'm upset - if I'm crying, I'm not going to pretend everything is okay because it's NOT.
It really, really isn't. I just almost burst into tears because I thought my headphones were broken. What the hell? I like music, but jeez.
1. My dad hasn't called me. Faye hasn't called me. No-one is letting me know what's happening. When someone goes in for an operation as huge as that it's VERY IMPORTANT that you let the daughter know if he comes out okay. I've left voicemails, people! Please please call me back.
2. Still sick. Feel like shit. Sickness is magnifying every single problem I have by like 800-fold. 8000-fold.
3. My job.. blah. My job relies on me being well and being able to GO to work. I am not well. I am not being paid - which leads to my next issue -
4. Money. I don't have it. The world revolves around it. I have applied for every single fucking job this godforsaken town has to offer and nothing. NOTHING. So I decide to look into government help. I have a few friends being paid by Centrelink to attend TAFE/Uni, etc. I figure - hey - I've been working and living away from home since I was 16 basically. Surely my taxes have been for a reason! .. no. Sorry Aimee, no. You can't get money from us because you are 19 years old and you aren't legally out of your parents custody until you are 25. What the fuck? ! So my parents should pay my way until I turn 25?! I'm not expecting a free-ride. I'd be happy to do the work-for-the-dole thing. It'd only be temporary while I was looking for a job / TAFE-ing. But WHAT THE FUCK AM I PAYING TAXES FOR IF THINGS LIKE THIS AREN'T AVAILABLE TO ME WHEN I NEED THEM?!
I don't even want ALOT of money. For the last god-knows-how-long I've been living on less than $100 a week [paying board, internet, phone, etc out of THAT].. I'm quite capable of minimising. But I just want SOMETHING, you know?! GAH.
I feel so backed into a corner with this. There's nothing I can do because I don't have qualifications - I can't get qualifications because I can't afford it. Catch 22. I just.. blahhh.
5. I'm lonely. I'll admit it. I'm lonely. I hated having James in my personal space but atleast he was SOMEONE. All I am to my family is someone who can barely afford to pay her way and who will hopefully be gone before long. And gah.. my best friends are becoming interested in one another and having less time for me. I know that's selfish, but I have NOT BEEN OKAY FOR DAYS and neither of them have said a word and I just.. feel .. like I was a step to the other one, you know? I know it's not true. I just feel like now that they have one another they don't need / want me anymore. And this isn't a cry for them to break up - god knows I'm happy they're together. I just miss them so much and I feel slightly neglected.
I miss most of my friends, actually. Everyone is so busy with something or someone else. It's like they were happy with me until two weeks ago and now nobody has the time of day to acknowledge I exist. I know I'm whining.
I'm locking myself away so much with being sick. I can't go out and socialize because I feel shitty/will give people the flu. The only people I've made social contact with in the last two weeks have been family and that's only been so they could ask me for stuff/ tell me to do something.
And gah.. love. Everyone is in love. Everyone is married, engaged, dating, in-crush, 'together', 'seeing one another', fucking. I want everyone to stop being so involved in their significant other for one day and realise the rest of the world still exists. Do I sound like a bitter single person yet? I am one.
6. I feel so overwhelmed by everything. Everything.
So. To answer your question. No, Jake, no I am not okay. But thankyou for asking.
It really, really isn't. I just almost burst into tears because I thought my headphones were broken. What the hell? I like music, but jeez.
1. My dad hasn't called me. Faye hasn't called me. No-one is letting me know what's happening. When someone goes in for an operation as huge as that it's VERY IMPORTANT that you let the daughter know if he comes out okay. I've left voicemails, people! Please please call me back.
2. Still sick. Feel like shit. Sickness is magnifying every single problem I have by like 800-fold. 8000-fold.
3. My job.. blah. My job relies on me being well and being able to GO to work. I am not well. I am not being paid - which leads to my next issue -
4. Money. I don't have it. The world revolves around it. I have applied for every single fucking job this godforsaken town has to offer and nothing. NOTHING. So I decide to look into government help. I have a few friends being paid by Centrelink to attend TAFE/Uni, etc. I figure - hey - I've been working and living away from home since I was 16 basically. Surely my taxes have been for a reason! .. no. Sorry Aimee, no. You can't get money from us because you are 19 years old and you aren't legally out of your parents custody until you are 25. What the fuck? ! So my parents should pay my way until I turn 25?! I'm not expecting a free-ride. I'd be happy to do the work-for-the-dole thing. It'd only be temporary while I was looking for a job / TAFE-ing. But WHAT THE FUCK AM I PAYING TAXES FOR IF THINGS LIKE THIS AREN'T AVAILABLE TO ME WHEN I NEED THEM?!
I don't even want ALOT of money. For the last god-knows-how-long I've been living on less than $100 a week [paying board, internet, phone, etc out of THAT].. I'm quite capable of minimising. But I just want SOMETHING, you know?! GAH.
I feel so backed into a corner with this. There's nothing I can do because I don't have qualifications - I can't get qualifications because I can't afford it. Catch 22. I just.. blahhh.
5. I'm lonely. I'll admit it. I'm lonely. I hated having James in my personal space but atleast he was SOMEONE. All I am to my family is someone who can barely afford to pay her way and who will hopefully be gone before long. And gah.. my best friends are becoming interested in one another and having less time for me. I know that's selfish, but I have NOT BEEN OKAY FOR DAYS and neither of them have said a word and I just.. feel .. like I was a step to the other one, you know? I know it's not true. I just feel like now that they have one another they don't need / want me anymore. And this isn't a cry for them to break up - god knows I'm happy they're together. I just miss them so much and I feel slightly neglected.
I miss most of my friends, actually. Everyone is so busy with something or someone else. It's like they were happy with me until two weeks ago and now nobody has the time of day to acknowledge I exist. I know I'm whining.
I'm locking myself away so much with being sick. I can't go out and socialize because I feel shitty/will give people the flu. The only people I've made social contact with in the last two weeks have been family and that's only been so they could ask me for stuff/ tell me to do something.
And gah.. love. Everyone is in love. Everyone is married, engaged, dating, in-crush, 'together', 'seeing one another', fucking. I want everyone to stop being so involved in their significant other for one day and realise the rest of the world still exists. Do I sound like a bitter single person yet? I am one.
6. I feel so overwhelmed by everything. Everything.
So. To answer your question. No, Jake, no I am not okay. But thankyou for asking.