(no subject)

[lostatheart]

i just read the posting of someone (no names need to be named, you know who you are) and it inspired me to post something myself. i've gone through a lot of shit in the past six or seven years, we all have. i've had my ups, my downs, my i can't believe i could get so lows, and my i wish this day would never ends. i've had times when i thought that i would never be okay again. i've had worse times than most know anything about. i've done things that are hard for me to even talk about. things that i know i shouldn't have. things that i even knew at the time i souldn't have done. but there was one thing that always kept me going, one thing that got me through everything of the past six or seven years, one thing that when i was at my worst managed to make me okay with getting out of bed in the morning. and that was you guys, that was every member of the crew. it was the fact that no matter how low i got, even when i thought that there was no way that i could be okay, there was always someone there. there was always someone to pick up the pieces, no questions asked, nothing asked for in return, just because you cared. there were times when you guys picked me up and put me back together without even knowing what you were doing, and not knowing now what you did. so i want to say i'm sorry for every time i may have acted like an asshole, and every time i have done anything that may have jeopardized our friendship, anything i may have ever done that hurt any one of you in any way, and every time that i had assumed that no one could possibly understand what i was feeling. i didn't mean to, i don't know where i would be without you guys, i don't know what kind of a person i would be. i would be lost without each and every one of you in my life. so the main point of this is to tell you that whenever you are down or sad or depressed or whatever you are choosing to call it, to come to one of us, without eachother we may all fall apart. we've all kept some of our worst feelings to ourselves. and i'm not saying that you have to come and talk out your problems, i'm just saying to come to one of us, to go out to coffee, to play video games for a while, just to watch tv, whatever it is, just call. even if you can't talk about whatever you are feeling it will help to be with those that really truly care and always will, even if they don't know all your problems, we're always here to help, and i don't feel like i'm crossing any lines by talking for everyone in the crew right now: i know that this is true of all of us, because whether you know it or not, more than likely, you've been that person for me. not everyone is as lucky as we are, because each and every one of us have some of the best friends that anyone could dream of having.
so i want to say thank you. i can't thank any single one of you enough for everything you've ever done, let alone thank every single one of you individually. i love all of you, and you never know when you are going to lose the chance to tell people that, and i want all of you to know it. and i'm leaving this post public rather than just for friends because i know that not every one i care about has a lj.
thanks.
love always.