(no subject)
wow jsut refound me this livejournal thing... but whats good is no one now reads it. because Livejournal really didnt have a purpose- people were always too scared to be truthful in it. thats what the problem is wiht half the world tho: we are too scared to tell everyone and i mena EVERYONE the truth. Little lies grow and next thign u know u are shooting big giant lies out of ur mouth, and not only one but like 8 in different directions. Its vicious. IT makes me question people. Like we always think that we know someone exactly how they are. But how do we never know they have this alterego or sub-life that desnt even involve us bc they are secretive and lie? maybe its the sotry of MY life. Anyways. Thats allllllllllll gone. after sitting and being miserable for a month tryin to figure out how my life got to the point it is now... i realized it began with one big lie. and how it transparred from there. I MISS SO MANY PEOPLE. I just wanna call up Courtney and go over to her house and watch movies all day and be content and then slip in at 4 in the morning and just giggle. Oh my GOD i miss her. Or me the girls at Solomans... run over to Dans and tell out parents we are sleeping five different places. Or just get drunk and make phone calls to random people and have fun- just us. I miss Courtney the most i feel. She was like my better, better half for like 8 years. and when i say better i mean i give that girl credit for alot of the shit she had to deal with because of me.I love that girl to DEATH and to this date i would do anything for her if she called. and I wish Carrie wasnt so gay about me yeah i lied once and i know its hard but when it comes down to it she was one of the only people i could tell the truth to and not be scared. Im SCARED of telling the truth. IM scared to see what will happen. my whole life may have been completely different if i never learned how to lie. and below Corut is Kellie and Abby. I miss those two SO much it is ridiculous. it wasnt " what r u doing tonight" it was "so what the hell r we doing tonight" getting ready together and just going out and doing whatever. WE ALWAYS had something to do. someoen to call if we didnt wanna do that. or we could stay at home and be fine jsut hanging out. I jsut mis when life was enjoyable... free... and easy. like im not in the real world yert im not even in collage like if life gets ahrder then this then maybe one day i will crack. i have yet to do it. I came SOOO close this year. Because everytime i think about Senior Week and me not going is all the memories that me and those girls have had together over the years. a RIDICULOUS amount. and how close our BOND was. I could tell nething i wanted to those three girls. ANY THING. and i didnt. and thats when it all cracked. Pufko .. I hate him. I HATE him. bc HATE means u have strong emotion but ... its a lovehate, but not really love just .. understanding? I guess the only reason i kinda care (not in the i wanna be with him way) is because we have known each other for awhile and always kinda looked out for each other in certain situations. we played this dam game for so long and then when we were together it was hell. but im glad. Because now i feel like I love Danny more then I ever ever ever thought was possible. the losing him aspect is scaring me. ahh gotta run.