Fake Show #1: Coffee & Curses
This has taken me so long to do, I feel almost embarrassed to post it, because unlike some of the more detailed ones I've done, this one was straight-forward, but it was lingering just because I couldn't work out who to cast as one character. (I'm still not sure who it was I must have had in mind, but I found a suitable stand-in. After, er, nearly all year...)
From the
isurrendered meme,
john_amend_all gave me this prompt. If I had remembered that he threatened to do this several years ago, I would have tried to ward it off, but I didn't, so here we are:
One of those obscure centuries-old cults has a ritual: Once every hundred years, on the night of the winter solstice, the chosen one must stand at a particular place (where ley lines converge) and will become an inspired bard and prophet.
... Except that since the last ritual, an office block has been built on the site, and the mystic powers end up being bestowed on the coffee machine. Hilarity, as they say, ensues.
Which is coming to an LJ near you some time soon as:
COFFEE & CURSES
Main Characters
Mrs Kingsley (Mrs K) (Caroline Quentin)
The cleaner at the building where this Phillips Stationery & Design branch office is based. In what free time she has, she likes doing classes at the local college. She now finds herself the Guardian of the chosen one, currently a coffee machine. She thought she'd started imagining things at first, but she adapts more quickly than her fellow Guardian, at least.
Kiran (Raza Jaffrey)
Assistant office manager and now the Chosen One's other Guardian. He was only staying late to fix an error in the annual report, and now he thinks he should have given up drinking coffee several hours ago. He's less keen on being Guardian generally, but then he keeps having to intervene with his boss over the coffee machine's latest behaviour in office hours.
Niamh Hunter (Charlie Murphy)
HR manager who finds she's developing some unusual personal skills since that odd storm the other day. And the only sympathy she gets is from the coffee machine. It doesn't help make her reassured about her current grip on reality.
Sunita Smith (Sunetra Sarker)
The head of Marketing and PR, who thinks this could be a really great opportunity. Or at least, it's certainly livened up the office.
Oliver Seaford
One of the salesman, except now he finds himself selling prophecies instead of paperclips. It's awkward.
And as the voice of the Talking Coffee Machine, David Collings:
(Because last time I did this, everyone told me off for not including David Collings in my shows, so I have made sure I included him straight off this time. Besides, who else is going to voice a miraculous coffee machine?)
Recurring Characters
Mr Phillips (Aneirin Hughes)
Branch head of Phillips Stationery & Design. He's permanently either in a conference, at a meeting, or otherwise engaged and has not yet noticed anything out of the ordinary. He does, however, have plenty to say about the current sales figures, odd orders, and equipment requests being put through lately.
Sunny (Hattie Morahan)
She belongs to a different (less fanatical) cult, leading a group who camp outside the office in honour of the Coffee Machine and are devoted to protecting it in their own off-beat way. She seems like a bit of a nuisance at first, but it turns out she might be able to help.
Episode Guide
1.Chosen: There are strange signs, the coffee machine is behaving oddly, and there's a crowd outside claiming they've come to collect the chosen one.
2. Delivery: The prophecies start, and Oliver just can't seem to stop himself delivering them. And some of them need to be prevented from coming to pass...
3. Foreseen: The latest prophecy is causing complications and the cultists are trying to steal the coffee machine again.
4. Influence: Niamh's skills come to the fore. Meanwhile, Head Office are sending someone down to investigate matters. It's going to be up to Sunita and her team to paint everything in a positive light...
5. Tapestry: The Chosen One's powers are spreading, and one of the design team's latest efforts seems to be about to change the world, if everyone can't stop it.
6. Apocalypse: The world could be ending - Mr Phillips has discovered the truth, while Sunny and Mrs K need to co-ordinate the battle against their more powerful enemies, Head Office want to close them down, and the coffee machine has just predicted their failure and the end of the world.
(I always start with good intentions about realistic casting and then wind up in laziness and/or completely unrealistic casting if you don't have a budget of millions, but, hey, what's the point in fake TV shows otherwise? I'll just be over here, eternally casting people from Spooks. (It was a good cast & I'm always behind the times.))
Crossposted from Dreamwidth. Please click through to comment. -- Current comments:
From the
isurrendered meme,
john_amend_all gave me this prompt. If I had remembered that he threatened to do this several years ago, I would have tried to ward it off, but I didn't, so here we are:
One of those obscure centuries-old cults has a ritual: Once every hundred years, on the night of the winter solstice, the chosen one must stand at a particular place (where ley lines converge) and will become an inspired bard and prophet.
... Except that since the last ritual, an office block has been built on the site, and the mystic powers end up being bestowed on the coffee machine. Hilarity, as they say, ensues.
Which is coming to an LJ near you some time soon as:
COFFEE & CURSES
Main Characters
Mrs Kingsley (Mrs K) (Caroline Quentin)
The cleaner at the building where this Phillips Stationery & Design branch office is based. In what free time she has, she likes doing classes at the local college. She now finds herself the Guardian of the chosen one, currently a coffee machine. She thought she'd started imagining things at first, but she adapts more quickly than her fellow Guardian, at least.
Kiran (Raza Jaffrey)
Assistant office manager and now the Chosen One's other Guardian. He was only staying late to fix an error in the annual report, and now he thinks he should have given up drinking coffee several hours ago. He's less keen on being Guardian generally, but then he keeps having to intervene with his boss over the coffee machine's latest behaviour in office hours.
Niamh Hunter (Charlie Murphy)
HR manager who finds she's developing some unusual personal skills since that odd storm the other day. And the only sympathy she gets is from the coffee machine. It doesn't help make her reassured about her current grip on reality.
Sunita Smith (Sunetra Sarker)
The head of Marketing and PR, who thinks this could be a really great opportunity. Or at least, it's certainly livened up the office.
Oliver Seaford
One of the salesman, except now he finds himself selling prophecies instead of paperclips. It's awkward.
And as the voice of the Talking Coffee Machine, David Collings:
(Because last time I did this, everyone told me off for not including David Collings in my shows, so I have made sure I included him straight off this time. Besides, who else is going to voice a miraculous coffee machine?)
Recurring Characters
Mr Phillips (Aneirin Hughes)
Branch head of Phillips Stationery & Design. He's permanently either in a conference, at a meeting, or otherwise engaged and has not yet noticed anything out of the ordinary. He does, however, have plenty to say about the current sales figures, odd orders, and equipment requests being put through lately.
Sunny (Hattie Morahan)
She belongs to a different (less fanatical) cult, leading a group who camp outside the office in honour of the Coffee Machine and are devoted to protecting it in their own off-beat way. She seems like a bit of a nuisance at first, but it turns out she might be able to help.
Episode Guide
1.Chosen: There are strange signs, the coffee machine is behaving oddly, and there's a crowd outside claiming they've come to collect the chosen one.
2. Delivery: The prophecies start, and Oliver just can't seem to stop himself delivering them. And some of them need to be prevented from coming to pass...
3. Foreseen: The latest prophecy is causing complications and the cultists are trying to steal the coffee machine again.
4. Influence: Niamh's skills come to the fore. Meanwhile, Head Office are sending someone down to investigate matters. It's going to be up to Sunita and her team to paint everything in a positive light...
5. Tapestry: The Chosen One's powers are spreading, and one of the design team's latest efforts seems to be about to change the world, if everyone can't stop it.
6. Apocalypse: The world could be ending - Mr Phillips has discovered the truth, while Sunny and Mrs K need to co-ordinate the battle against their more powerful enemies, Head Office want to close them down, and the coffee machine has just predicted their failure and the end of the world.
(I always start with good intentions about realistic casting and then wind up in laziness and/or completely unrealistic casting if you don't have a budget of millions, but, hey, what's the point in fake TV shows otherwise? I'll just be over here, eternally casting people from Spooks. (It was a good cast & I'm always behind the times.))
Crossposted from Dreamwidth. Please click through to comment. -- Current comments: