Meme Results
I am doing the AU Meme, honest! Here are the first three results, by way of proof:
1. For
hamsterwoman: Sam Vimes (Discworld)
(I did fail on a couple of these, but Discworld is almost as tricky to AU as Doctor Who: DW can go anywhere anyway, while the Discworld mostly is an AU already...)
Wild West
Sheriff Vimes woke to the unfamiliar sounds of a scrubbing brush at work somewhere much too nearby. He risked opening an eye and lifting his head up from the pile of Wanted posters on his desk.* He registered his deputy, Carrot, in the cells, busy with a bucket of water, a bar of soap and a scrubbing brush. He could have sworn the iron bars were gleaming, and through the window, he saw Detritus pass by with a bucket in each hand.
“All right, what’s going on? Has there been some incident I don’t want to know about?”
Carrot paused in his task and leapt up to salute, despite Vimes’s instructions not to Darn Well Do That Again. “Cleaning up the town, as ordered, sir!”
*Some of them might not even have been used as a dartboard by Nobby and Fred.
Coffee Shop
“It can’t be that bad,” said Sybil. “I think it’s a splendid idea - gets the police right out into the community in a positive way.”
Vimes remained uncheered. Vetinari, current head of the Town Council, had said something like that when he proposed the members of the local police station help out at the community café.
“It won’t be positive when Nobby finally manages to poison one of the customers, it’ll be a Public Relations nightmare!”
Shapeshifters
“Wizards,” muttered a rather scrawny seagull with a vile-tempered expression, or rather he would have said it had he not had a beak. “How to make the current watch resources stretch further and increase vigilance, Ha, Bloody Ha.”
The glossy eagle beside him merely took flight over the city.
Fantasy/Fairy Tale
It must have been round about chapter three: Captain Vimes raced into the room, his underpaid guards close behind, ahead of them only one man with a gleaming sword…
. . . In SPACE!!
First Security Officer Vimes pulled himself off the floor and yet again cursed the day he’d signed on with the Ankh-Morpork, the creakiest old rustbucket of a so-called passenger liner left in the service.
It took him a while longer to register that something particular had woken him and that that something was a distressed female, now looming over him.
“Officer,” she said, without seeming to take any notice of his current condition. “One of my pets has been murdered!”
“Your… pet?”
“Yes - poor little fellow - a most intriguing specimen I picked up last planetfall. Perfectly harmless, but -”
Apocalypse
Vimes watched the boiling lava flood the city below from a ledge on one of a range of mountains that hadn’t been there till yesterday.* What they were suddenly doing there was anyone’s guess, since the wizards had sworn on their hats it wasn’t them, honest. And since ‘anyone’ now amounted to Vimes and his solitary hooded companion, he was buggered if he knew. Typical, really. They’d only just got the Watch House rebuilt again. With a new dartboard and kettle and everything.
“We could be the only ones left,” he said, to his fellow survivor, trying not to look at the view again.
NO, said his companion, turning to face him. I AM AFRAID NOT.
Vimes froze, his brain gradually catching up with his senses, or at least, whatever part of him that was left working through some similar sort of metaphysical process. “Oh. Right. Bugger that, then. At least I didn’t feel anything. The smoke, I suppose, eh?” He hoped it had been the same for the rest of them, and feared not.
*including the sinister smoking one that had not, it turned out, contained any dragons, despite Sybil’s convictions on the subject, but which had nevertheless proved Significant.
Schoolfic
The headmaster surveyed Vimes with a dispassionate air. The boy was, it had to be said, not the most prepossessing member of the Sixth Form, but nevertheless Mr Vetinari was certain of his choice.
“Ah, Vimes,” he said, after a pause perfectly judged to cause unease in even the most troublesome of his pupils. “Congratulations. You’re to be St Ankh’s newest head boy. I trust you will do the school proud.”
The boy’s gaping, horrified expression was, even Mr Vetinari felt, somewhat amusing.
Supernatural
The trouble with these academics was that they just weren’t practical enough, faffing about with a lot of wild garlic and rosaries and prayers and what have you. Vimes let the professor get on with it, but he had a back up plan of his own. The bloody vamp was going to get a shock when it showed up tonight and instead of a fetching young lady in a white nighty, he found a bewigged PC Nobbs in the bed, and Carrot and Colon behind the curtain, ready with an over-sized crossbow loaded with a large and exceptionally pointy wooden stake.
And just in case the damn thing got sneaky, Vimes and Cheery would be down here in the basement with the young lady in question and a vat of holy water. Blood-suckers were the worst. It wasn’t anything personal, it was just that a thousand years’ history as a serial killer equalled a hell of a lot of paper work.
Regency
It is a truth universally acknowledged that the last thing a beleaguered night watchman wants on his patch is a genuine Lady looking for a missing mongrel from her Home for Stray Animals, but, nevertheless, that was what life had decided to throw at Captain Vimes…
2. For
sallymn: Deva (Blake's 7)
Wild West
Deva pulled off his hat and noted the bullet hole. He directed reproachful glance at Blake, which Blake, typically, didn’t see. “That,” Deva said, “was a dangerous game to play, bounty hunter. One of these days you’ll get us both killed.”
Coffee Shop
Deva had enjoyed working at the coffee shop. It had been nice, peaceful work for a change, and he had been glad to see Blake settling down to something positive. He had been sure Blake’s therapist would be delighted too, and now, of course, it all turned out it was a complicated cover in order to flush out a band of gun-runners. Deva wasn’t entirely sure how the two were connected, but then, he was only here to do the accounts and fix the espresso machine.
Shapeshifters
There were many days when Deva preferred being a mouse. It was easy to get information, and store it in hiding places only he could return to - most of the rest of the base’s shifter-forms were significantly larger - and he could keep out of the way of any trouble for hours. If it weren’t for the massively reduced life-span and all the predators, he’d consider adopting it permanently.
Fantasy/Fairy Tale
“If you want someone to save the kingdom, why make them first court such danger?”
The outlaw Blake gave his clerk a smile. “We need to be sure who is true of heart, don’t we?”
“Yes, but it’s not much use having learned that when they’re dead.”
. . . In SPACE!!
“My engineer has finally identified the anomaly causing this - we have a way for you to return to your universe at last.”
Deva and Klyn exchanged regretful glances.
“I, er, don’t suppose there’s any chance of staying, is there?” asked Deva.
Apocalypse
Earth burned. It wasn’t the only planet, although they didn’t all burn: some of them were poisoned, some became encased in ice, others imploded. So many of them, however, had died. It hadn’t been Blake’s intention, of course - Deva knew that - but nevertheless, it was how it had happened in the end.
“Congratulations,” said Deva, when Blake made it back to the flight deck. “I think we can safely say the Federation is well and truly finished, don’t you?”
Schoolfic
“You know, Vila,” said Deva, “I notice that in this line-writing business of ours, I seem to be the one doing all the work.”
“Hey, I have to negotiate fees - and have you seen the sort of kids round here who get all the lines? That’s why I have to take 60% - it’s danger money. D’you want to see my bruises?”
“It takes time and effort to forge people’s handwriting, you know. I’m not sure I want to spend this much time on it, even at the prices we’re charging.”
“Yeah,” said Vila, “about that. Have you got enough practice in yet? Because I was thinking we could have even more fun with, say, the head’s signature…”
Deva gave him a look. “No, Vila. Whatever it is you’ve got in mind - no.”
Police/Firefighters/Medical
Inspector Blake handed Deva the suspect profiles in his latest murder case. “What do you make of these?”
Deva glanced over them before feeding them into the computer: Servalan, Carnell, Captain Travis, Kerr Avon. He looked up again, his eyebrows raised. “Was there anyone at this house party who didn’t already have a criminal record?”
Supernatural
Deva stepped into the ruined and darkened castle, holding up his lamp to illuminate his surroundings. There were dust and cobwebs everywhere. Deva moved on, trying not to think too hard about the tales they told about this place, or the accounts he’d read of its former occupant.
He followed a clear trail of broken furniture until he found Blake, lying at the foot of the back staircase.
“Next time,” he said, setting down the lamp, as he knelt down at the paranormal investigator’s side, “I’m going to leave you to get bitten.”
Regency
“We are determined to put a stop to Napoleon’s agents in this country,” Deva explained to the Earl of Avon. “He has eyes and ears everywhere.”
“Doe he now? How uncomfortable that must be. And what does it have to do with me?”
“Mr Blake thought you might be willing to help us uncover such traitors among the upper echelons of society. He seems to have a great deal of respect for your intelligence and, ah, other skills.”
“Did he? Well, now, that depends.”
Deva collected up a sheaf of papers. “Oh, don’t worry, your lordship - we’ll pay you well, I assure you!”
3. For
john_amend_all: Five &/ Tegan &/ Nyssa (Doctor Who)
(The Apocalypse one is kind of not AU, but that was how it ended up. If you have a time and space ship, AUs are tricky, as I said!)
Wild West
“Wait, I’m in America? What the hell just happened? I was in Brisbane! I thought when you told me I’d wound up a very long way from home you meant we were in Perth or something. Not Arizona!”
“Well,” said Sheriff Smith, clearing his throat, “ah, you see, you had the misfortune to run into the outlaw Masters, who apparently abducted you and kept you in this box via his mesmeric powers until we unpacked you just now.”
“But why?”
The sheriff stopped and looked at Tegan. “Why what?”
“Why the hell would anyone mesmerise me, stick me in a box and send me to this godforsaken place? It doesn’t make any sense!”
“Oh, but it’s quite a nice town really, when you get used to it,” said Nyssa, the sheriff’s deputy. “Not godforsaken at all. Well, aside from the shooting and brawling and lynching and mistreatment of the native population, but Sheriff Smith and I are doing our best to change things.”
“Yes, but what about Masters?”
The Sheriff shifted from one foot to the other. “Well, it’s probably because he likes annoying me. Sorry about that. We’ll see about booking you passage home as soon as we can.”
Coffee Shop
“I don’t know why I signed up for this!” said Tegan. “Yeah, I know, because you made me miss my first day at Heathrow.” She glared at John as she cleaned the counter. “The roof’s leaking, the customers are obnoxious, the cappuccino machine is permanently busted, the wages are crap -”
“I’m working on the roof and the cappuccino machine,” said John. “I don’t think anyone can do anything about the wages. It is a charitable organisation, you know. We’re not here to make a profit.”
“And,” said Nyssa, with a small, wicked smile in Tegan’s direction, as she wiped down the tables, “there are some compensations, aren’t there?”
“Yeah, I suppose,” said Tegan. “The free coffee’s all right.”
Nyssa threw the dish cloth at her.
Shapeshifters
“So, now you’re telling me that we’re going to be stuck like this every full moon, no matter what planet we’re on?”
“It does seem to be the case, yes. I’m not quite sure what they gave us in that laboratory, but the after-effects seem to be permanent.”
“You know, I find it quite fascinating,” said Nyssa, who was already mentally drafting out a thesis on their unexpected transformations, and contemplating further experiments.
“Were-rabbits!” said Tegan, in deepest disgust.
Fantasy/Fairy Tale
“What do you mean, your spell has gone wrong again?” asked the Magician’s apprentice in as stern a tone as she could manage. “You said you had it exactly right this time.”
The Magician looked around the room for inspiration and then said, “I fear it was the Master interfering once more. The results were, er, well, entirely unexpected.”
“I’ll say,” said an unfamiliar and indignant voice from behind him. “I was just about to start work as one of the crew on the Queen’s pleasure ship and bam! Next thing I know I’ve been kidnapped by an incompetent sorcerer! Take me back!”
. . . In SPACE!!
The three of them, now they were out of the life-capsule, watched the fireworks in the purple sky that was their ship breaking up.
“Well, I said the navigation was up the spout again, didn’t I?” said Tegan. “And I said that creepy frog-guy was up to no good. I might be a mere civilian, but I’ve got some sense.”
Science Officer Nyssa directed a look at the Captain, who shuffled about for a while, before eventually he made himself say it.
“Yes, Tegan. It appears… you were right.”
Apocalypse
“It could be anywhere,” said Tegan, finding it hard to believe she was walking among the ruins of the Earth. “I suppose everywhere comes to this at some point, if you’ve got a time machine.”
“True,” the Doctor agreed, with a surprised lift to his voice. “You’re, ah, taking this very well.”
She shot him a glare. “It’s still a terrible idea for a holiday, though. That was what you said, wasn’t it? Somewhere peaceful and quiet. Well, I’ll give you that, but I’m not sure the ashes of the Earth were what Nyssa and I had in mind.”
“No, well, the TARDIS has been a little temperamental of late.”
“And,” added Tegan, with a glance over at her friend, “Nyssa isn’t very fond of dead planets. Can’t say I blame her.”
Schoolfic
“Tegan,” said John, giving her his trademark Disappointed Look. “A head’s report? Again? You’re going to miss all the fun. And you really shouldn’t have punched Adric.”
“I thought he was bullying Nyssa!”
Nyssa patted her arm. “I would have explained if you’d given me a chance.”
“Even so,” said John, “don’t you think breaking his nose is going a bit far?”
Police/Firefighters/Medical
“I don’t know what you’re complaining about,” said Nyssa as Tegan emptied out her locker. “If you call the Chief Superintendent Borusa a superannuated sexist pig, you have to expect to get demoted back to uniform.”
“Yeah, I know. Me and my big mouth! But I know that Dr Smith is innocent and he wouldn’t listen to a word I said. I bet it was the other one who did it - Masters! It’s a frame-up, and the Super’s an idiot.”
“Don’t worry, Tegan,” said DS Traken, giving her a hug. “We shall sort it out somehow, I promise.”
Supernatural
“Now this will spin round at the first sign of spectral activity,” said Professor Smith, demonstrating his peculiar and precarious looking device with some enthusiasm. “And this bit will -”
“Fall off if you touch it?” said Tegan, folding her arms. “It’s funny, because that gadget of yours looks exactly like a lot of cutlery attached to the lamp with string to me. And I still say there’s got to be a rational explanation for all this.”
They both looked across at Nyssa, who was standing there, pale as death, and unseeing; as if one sleepwalking.
“Yes,” said Professor Smith, “completely natural, Miss Jovanka, I’m sure. Nothing to do with possession or evil spirits at all. Now, if you could just help instead of blocking the positive emanations with your scepticism, we might get somewhere in curing your friend!”
Regency
Miss Jovanka’s role as companion to an elderly gentlewoman on her tour of Switzerland had not gone according to plan: the elderly lady had been murdered, and she had been abducted by accident by a physician who claimed to be an expert in matters of the uncanny. She had then helped him rescue a princess from a tiny (and now entirely non-existent) kingdom. She was going to write and complain to that hiring agency - at least, as soon as she and the other two had stopped running for their lives from the horrid and sinister lake monsters that were currently pursuing them.
Crossposted from Dreamwidth. Please click through to comment. -- Current comments:
1. For
hamsterwoman: Sam Vimes (Discworld)
(I did fail on a couple of these, but Discworld is almost as tricky to AU as Doctor Who: DW can go anywhere anyway, while the Discworld mostly is an AU already...)
Wild West
Sheriff Vimes woke to the unfamiliar sounds of a scrubbing brush at work somewhere much too nearby. He risked opening an eye and lifting his head up from the pile of Wanted posters on his desk.* He registered his deputy, Carrot, in the cells, busy with a bucket of water, a bar of soap and a scrubbing brush. He could have sworn the iron bars were gleaming, and through the window, he saw Detritus pass by with a bucket in each hand.
“All right, what’s going on? Has there been some incident I don’t want to know about?”
Carrot paused in his task and leapt up to salute, despite Vimes’s instructions not to Darn Well Do That Again. “Cleaning up the town, as ordered, sir!”
*Some of them might not even have been used as a dartboard by Nobby and Fred.
Coffee Shop
“It can’t be that bad,” said Sybil. “I think it’s a splendid idea - gets the police right out into the community in a positive way.”
Vimes remained uncheered. Vetinari, current head of the Town Council, had said something like that when he proposed the members of the local police station help out at the community café.
“It won’t be positive when Nobby finally manages to poison one of the customers, it’ll be a Public Relations nightmare!”
Shapeshifters
“Wizards,” muttered a rather scrawny seagull with a vile-tempered expression, or rather he would have said it had he not had a beak. “How to make the current watch resources stretch further and increase vigilance, Ha, Bloody Ha.”
The glossy eagle beside him merely took flight over the city.
Fantasy/Fairy Tale
It must have been round about chapter three: Captain Vimes raced into the room, his underpaid guards close behind, ahead of them only one man with a gleaming sword…
. . . In SPACE!!
First Security Officer Vimes pulled himself off the floor and yet again cursed the day he’d signed on with the Ankh-Morpork, the creakiest old rustbucket of a so-called passenger liner left in the service.
It took him a while longer to register that something particular had woken him and that that something was a distressed female, now looming over him.
“Officer,” she said, without seeming to take any notice of his current condition. “One of my pets has been murdered!”
“Your… pet?”
“Yes - poor little fellow - a most intriguing specimen I picked up last planetfall. Perfectly harmless, but -”
Apocalypse
Vimes watched the boiling lava flood the city below from a ledge on one of a range of mountains that hadn’t been there till yesterday.* What they were suddenly doing there was anyone’s guess, since the wizards had sworn on their hats it wasn’t them, honest. And since ‘anyone’ now amounted to Vimes and his solitary hooded companion, he was buggered if he knew. Typical, really. They’d only just got the Watch House rebuilt again. With a new dartboard and kettle and everything.
“We could be the only ones left,” he said, to his fellow survivor, trying not to look at the view again.
NO, said his companion, turning to face him. I AM AFRAID NOT.
Vimes froze, his brain gradually catching up with his senses, or at least, whatever part of him that was left working through some similar sort of metaphysical process. “Oh. Right. Bugger that, then. At least I didn’t feel anything. The smoke, I suppose, eh?” He hoped it had been the same for the rest of them, and feared not.
*including the sinister smoking one that had not, it turned out, contained any dragons, despite Sybil’s convictions on the subject, but which had nevertheless proved Significant.
Schoolfic
The headmaster surveyed Vimes with a dispassionate air. The boy was, it had to be said, not the most prepossessing member of the Sixth Form, but nevertheless Mr Vetinari was certain of his choice.
“Ah, Vimes,” he said, after a pause perfectly judged to cause unease in even the most troublesome of his pupils. “Congratulations. You’re to be St Ankh’s newest head boy. I trust you will do the school proud.”
The boy’s gaping, horrified expression was, even Mr Vetinari felt, somewhat amusing.
Supernatural
The trouble with these academics was that they just weren’t practical enough, faffing about with a lot of wild garlic and rosaries and prayers and what have you. Vimes let the professor get on with it, but he had a back up plan of his own. The bloody vamp was going to get a shock when it showed up tonight and instead of a fetching young lady in a white nighty, he found a bewigged PC Nobbs in the bed, and Carrot and Colon behind the curtain, ready with an over-sized crossbow loaded with a large and exceptionally pointy wooden stake.
And just in case the damn thing got sneaky, Vimes and Cheery would be down here in the basement with the young lady in question and a vat of holy water. Blood-suckers were the worst. It wasn’t anything personal, it was just that a thousand years’ history as a serial killer equalled a hell of a lot of paper work.
Regency
It is a truth universally acknowledged that the last thing a beleaguered night watchman wants on his patch is a genuine Lady looking for a missing mongrel from her Home for Stray Animals, but, nevertheless, that was what life had decided to throw at Captain Vimes…
2. For
sallymn: Deva (Blake's 7)
Wild West
Deva pulled off his hat and noted the bullet hole. He directed reproachful glance at Blake, which Blake, typically, didn’t see. “That,” Deva said, “was a dangerous game to play, bounty hunter. One of these days you’ll get us both killed.”
Coffee Shop
Deva had enjoyed working at the coffee shop. It had been nice, peaceful work for a change, and he had been glad to see Blake settling down to something positive. He had been sure Blake’s therapist would be delighted too, and now, of course, it all turned out it was a complicated cover in order to flush out a band of gun-runners. Deva wasn’t entirely sure how the two were connected, but then, he was only here to do the accounts and fix the espresso machine.
Shapeshifters
There were many days when Deva preferred being a mouse. It was easy to get information, and store it in hiding places only he could return to - most of the rest of the base’s shifter-forms were significantly larger - and he could keep out of the way of any trouble for hours. If it weren’t for the massively reduced life-span and all the predators, he’d consider adopting it permanently.
Fantasy/Fairy Tale
“If you want someone to save the kingdom, why make them first court such danger?”
The outlaw Blake gave his clerk a smile. “We need to be sure who is true of heart, don’t we?”
“Yes, but it’s not much use having learned that when they’re dead.”
. . . In SPACE!!
“My engineer has finally identified the anomaly causing this - we have a way for you to return to your universe at last.”
Deva and Klyn exchanged regretful glances.
“I, er, don’t suppose there’s any chance of staying, is there?” asked Deva.
Apocalypse
Earth burned. It wasn’t the only planet, although they didn’t all burn: some of them were poisoned, some became encased in ice, others imploded. So many of them, however, had died. It hadn’t been Blake’s intention, of course - Deva knew that - but nevertheless, it was how it had happened in the end.
“Congratulations,” said Deva, when Blake made it back to the flight deck. “I think we can safely say the Federation is well and truly finished, don’t you?”
Schoolfic
“You know, Vila,” said Deva, “I notice that in this line-writing business of ours, I seem to be the one doing all the work.”
“Hey, I have to negotiate fees - and have you seen the sort of kids round here who get all the lines? That’s why I have to take 60% - it’s danger money. D’you want to see my bruises?”
“It takes time and effort to forge people’s handwriting, you know. I’m not sure I want to spend this much time on it, even at the prices we’re charging.”
“Yeah,” said Vila, “about that. Have you got enough practice in yet? Because I was thinking we could have even more fun with, say, the head’s signature…”
Deva gave him a look. “No, Vila. Whatever it is you’ve got in mind - no.”
Police/Firefighters/Medical
Inspector Blake handed Deva the suspect profiles in his latest murder case. “What do you make of these?”
Deva glanced over them before feeding them into the computer: Servalan, Carnell, Captain Travis, Kerr Avon. He looked up again, his eyebrows raised. “Was there anyone at this house party who didn’t already have a criminal record?”
Supernatural
Deva stepped into the ruined and darkened castle, holding up his lamp to illuminate his surroundings. There were dust and cobwebs everywhere. Deva moved on, trying not to think too hard about the tales they told about this place, or the accounts he’d read of its former occupant.
He followed a clear trail of broken furniture until he found Blake, lying at the foot of the back staircase.
“Next time,” he said, setting down the lamp, as he knelt down at the paranormal investigator’s side, “I’m going to leave you to get bitten.”
Regency
“We are determined to put a stop to Napoleon’s agents in this country,” Deva explained to the Earl of Avon. “He has eyes and ears everywhere.”
“Doe he now? How uncomfortable that must be. And what does it have to do with me?”
“Mr Blake thought you might be willing to help us uncover such traitors among the upper echelons of society. He seems to have a great deal of respect for your intelligence and, ah, other skills.”
“Did he? Well, now, that depends.”
Deva collected up a sheaf of papers. “Oh, don’t worry, your lordship - we’ll pay you well, I assure you!”
3. For
john_amend_all: Five &/ Tegan &/ Nyssa (Doctor Who)
(The Apocalypse one is kind of not AU, but that was how it ended up. If you have a time and space ship, AUs are tricky, as I said!)
Wild West
“Wait, I’m in America? What the hell just happened? I was in Brisbane! I thought when you told me I’d wound up a very long way from home you meant we were in Perth or something. Not Arizona!”
“Well,” said Sheriff Smith, clearing his throat, “ah, you see, you had the misfortune to run into the outlaw Masters, who apparently abducted you and kept you in this box via his mesmeric powers until we unpacked you just now.”
“But why?”
The sheriff stopped and looked at Tegan. “Why what?”
“Why the hell would anyone mesmerise me, stick me in a box and send me to this godforsaken place? It doesn’t make any sense!”
“Oh, but it’s quite a nice town really, when you get used to it,” said Nyssa, the sheriff’s deputy. “Not godforsaken at all. Well, aside from the shooting and brawling and lynching and mistreatment of the native population, but Sheriff Smith and I are doing our best to change things.”
“Yes, but what about Masters?”
The Sheriff shifted from one foot to the other. “Well, it’s probably because he likes annoying me. Sorry about that. We’ll see about booking you passage home as soon as we can.”
Coffee Shop
“I don’t know why I signed up for this!” said Tegan. “Yeah, I know, because you made me miss my first day at Heathrow.” She glared at John as she cleaned the counter. “The roof’s leaking, the customers are obnoxious, the cappuccino machine is permanently busted, the wages are crap -”
“I’m working on the roof and the cappuccino machine,” said John. “I don’t think anyone can do anything about the wages. It is a charitable organisation, you know. We’re not here to make a profit.”
“And,” said Nyssa, with a small, wicked smile in Tegan’s direction, as she wiped down the tables, “there are some compensations, aren’t there?”
“Yeah, I suppose,” said Tegan. “The free coffee’s all right.”
Nyssa threw the dish cloth at her.
Shapeshifters
“So, now you’re telling me that we’re going to be stuck like this every full moon, no matter what planet we’re on?”
“It does seem to be the case, yes. I’m not quite sure what they gave us in that laboratory, but the after-effects seem to be permanent.”
“You know, I find it quite fascinating,” said Nyssa, who was already mentally drafting out a thesis on their unexpected transformations, and contemplating further experiments.
“Were-rabbits!” said Tegan, in deepest disgust.
Fantasy/Fairy Tale
“What do you mean, your spell has gone wrong again?” asked the Magician’s apprentice in as stern a tone as she could manage. “You said you had it exactly right this time.”
The Magician looked around the room for inspiration and then said, “I fear it was the Master interfering once more. The results were, er, well, entirely unexpected.”
“I’ll say,” said an unfamiliar and indignant voice from behind him. “I was just about to start work as one of the crew on the Queen’s pleasure ship and bam! Next thing I know I’ve been kidnapped by an incompetent sorcerer! Take me back!”
. . . In SPACE!!
The three of them, now they were out of the life-capsule, watched the fireworks in the purple sky that was their ship breaking up.
“Well, I said the navigation was up the spout again, didn’t I?” said Tegan. “And I said that creepy frog-guy was up to no good. I might be a mere civilian, but I’ve got some sense.”
Science Officer Nyssa directed a look at the Captain, who shuffled about for a while, before eventually he made himself say it.
“Yes, Tegan. It appears… you were right.”
Apocalypse
“It could be anywhere,” said Tegan, finding it hard to believe she was walking among the ruins of the Earth. “I suppose everywhere comes to this at some point, if you’ve got a time machine.”
“True,” the Doctor agreed, with a surprised lift to his voice. “You’re, ah, taking this very well.”
She shot him a glare. “It’s still a terrible idea for a holiday, though. That was what you said, wasn’t it? Somewhere peaceful and quiet. Well, I’ll give you that, but I’m not sure the ashes of the Earth were what Nyssa and I had in mind.”
“No, well, the TARDIS has been a little temperamental of late.”
“And,” added Tegan, with a glance over at her friend, “Nyssa isn’t very fond of dead planets. Can’t say I blame her.”
Schoolfic
“Tegan,” said John, giving her his trademark Disappointed Look. “A head’s report? Again? You’re going to miss all the fun. And you really shouldn’t have punched Adric.”
“I thought he was bullying Nyssa!”
Nyssa patted her arm. “I would have explained if you’d given me a chance.”
“Even so,” said John, “don’t you think breaking his nose is going a bit far?”
Police/Firefighters/Medical
“I don’t know what you’re complaining about,” said Nyssa as Tegan emptied out her locker. “If you call the Chief Superintendent Borusa a superannuated sexist pig, you have to expect to get demoted back to uniform.”
“Yeah, I know. Me and my big mouth! But I know that Dr Smith is innocent and he wouldn’t listen to a word I said. I bet it was the other one who did it - Masters! It’s a frame-up, and the Super’s an idiot.”
“Don’t worry, Tegan,” said DS Traken, giving her a hug. “We shall sort it out somehow, I promise.”
Supernatural
“Now this will spin round at the first sign of spectral activity,” said Professor Smith, demonstrating his peculiar and precarious looking device with some enthusiasm. “And this bit will -”
“Fall off if you touch it?” said Tegan, folding her arms. “It’s funny, because that gadget of yours looks exactly like a lot of cutlery attached to the lamp with string to me. And I still say there’s got to be a rational explanation for all this.”
They both looked across at Nyssa, who was standing there, pale as death, and unseeing; as if one sleepwalking.
“Yes,” said Professor Smith, “completely natural, Miss Jovanka, I’m sure. Nothing to do with possession or evil spirits at all. Now, if you could just help instead of blocking the positive emanations with your scepticism, we might get somewhere in curing your friend!”
Regency
Miss Jovanka’s role as companion to an elderly gentlewoman on her tour of Switzerland had not gone according to plan: the elderly lady had been murdered, and she had been abducted by accident by a physician who claimed to be an expert in matters of the uncanny. She had then helped him rescue a princess from a tiny (and now entirely non-existent) kingdom. She was going to write and complain to that hiring agency - at least, as soon as she and the other two had stopped running for their lives from the horrid and sinister lake monsters that were currently pursuing them.
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