Another bit of random fic found on the hard drive...
In lieu of anything more constructive, have this:
(Ages ago, in the crossover meme, jjpor asked me for a Rimmer/Brittas meeting. I obliged, but before I remembered it was supposed to be a random conversation between the two characters, I nearly embarked on what would presumably have turned into a full epsiode. So, the beginning I abandoned (and the original last line), since it still amuses me now that I re-read it.
“Now,” said Gordon Brittas, surveying the leisure centre’s underwhelmed team as they lined up outside the building, following a fire drill, “did anyone notice what we did wrong there, I wonder? Yes, Linda?”
“I don’t know about that, Mr Brittas, but how did you manage to be in two places at once?”
He paused. “Anyone else? What could we have done that would have been that teensy bit better and possibly have avoided a disaster of epic proportions had that been a real fire?”
“Mr Brittas,” Colin interrupted, running out of the building. “Something very odd has landed in the swimming pool!”
He glanced at his watch. “Well, I’m afraid you’ve now been officially burned to death, Colin, and I don’t talk to dead people.”
Linda hopped up and down. “You’re doing it again, Mr Brittas!”
“Linda, don’t be so -.” Nevertheless, something made him turn.
A man who was all but identical to Gordon was standing there in an unlikely shimmering red uniform and appeared to be talking to thin air. “No, it’s not, Holly. I’d put this down as another one of your almighty cock-ups. Now, get us out of here!”
“She seems to have a point,” murmured Laura, eying the newcomer with more interest than she’d been taking in the fire drill.
Linda nudged Gavin. “I said, didn’t I? I was right!”
“Ow,” said Gavin.
Tim glared at him (Gavin having shown what he felt to be a distinctly callous attitude to his hypothetical safety during the imaginary emergency). “Now who's making a fuss?”
Gordon folded his arms. “I don’t know who you are, matey, but we’re going to have a little word in my office once I’ve sounded the all clear. In the case of an emergency, Leisure Centre users should go round the side of the building, across the dual-carriage way, over the bridge and into the park. It’s clearly marked on all the signs. Now, I ask, is that so hard to understand?”
“It’s uncanny,” commented Laura. “In fact, it’s terrifying.”
Rimmer glared.
*
“Fascinating,” said Laura. “He looked exactly like you and he was just as - unique - but in a completely different way. It really is terrifying.”
Now, what was I supposed to be doing?
(Ages ago, in the crossover meme, jjpor asked me for a Rimmer/Brittas meeting. I obliged, but before I remembered it was supposed to be a random conversation between the two characters, I nearly embarked on what would presumably have turned into a full epsiode. So, the beginning I abandoned (and the original last line), since it still amuses me now that I re-read it.
“Now,” said Gordon Brittas, surveying the leisure centre’s underwhelmed team as they lined up outside the building, following a fire drill, “did anyone notice what we did wrong there, I wonder? Yes, Linda?”
“I don’t know about that, Mr Brittas, but how did you manage to be in two places at once?”
He paused. “Anyone else? What could we have done that would have been that teensy bit better and possibly have avoided a disaster of epic proportions had that been a real fire?”
“Mr Brittas,” Colin interrupted, running out of the building. “Something very odd has landed in the swimming pool!”
He glanced at his watch. “Well, I’m afraid you’ve now been officially burned to death, Colin, and I don’t talk to dead people.”
Linda hopped up and down. “You’re doing it again, Mr Brittas!”
“Linda, don’t be so -.” Nevertheless, something made him turn.
A man who was all but identical to Gordon was standing there in an unlikely shimmering red uniform and appeared to be talking to thin air. “No, it’s not, Holly. I’d put this down as another one of your almighty cock-ups. Now, get us out of here!”
“She seems to have a point,” murmured Laura, eying the newcomer with more interest than she’d been taking in the fire drill.
Linda nudged Gavin. “I said, didn’t I? I was right!”
“Ow,” said Gavin.
Tim glared at him (Gavin having shown what he felt to be a distinctly callous attitude to his hypothetical safety during the imaginary emergency). “Now who's making a fuss?”
Gordon folded his arms. “I don’t know who you are, matey, but we’re going to have a little word in my office once I’ve sounded the all clear. In the case of an emergency, Leisure Centre users should go round the side of the building, across the dual-carriage way, over the bridge and into the park. It’s clearly marked on all the signs. Now, I ask, is that so hard to understand?”
“It’s uncanny,” commented Laura. “In fact, it’s terrifying.”
Rimmer glared.
*
“Fascinating,” said Laura. “He looked exactly like you and he was just as - unique - but in a completely different way. It really is terrifying.”
Now, what was I supposed to be doing?