Final AU Meme results
And one more thing I've managed to finish off, gradually - here are the last four sets of AU ficlets from the meme:
Six and Evelyn for romanajo123:
Wild West
“Really,” said Evelyn, “that is the last time I’m going to break you out of jail because you had to stop and admire your Wanted poster!”
Doc Smith shuffled in some embarrassment, but only said, “Well, even you must admit it was a particularly good likeness.”
Coffee Shop
John Smith looked back at the stream of impatient customers at the counter and began to feel a twinge of alarm. In such dire straits as these, customers could begin to get nasty.
“Evelyn,” he called, “can you hurry up in there? We’ve almost run out of chocolate cake!”
Shapeshifters
“I can’t explain it at all,” said the giant, rainbow-coloured penguin. “Unless I’ve been spending too much time with Frobisher and something’s rubbed off…”
“I wish something would rub off! I need sunglasses. Honestly, Doctor, I can’t possibly take you anywhere looking like that. It’s even worse than usual!”
Pirates
Evelyn could take to some aspects of the life of a pirate, she thought, but she was going to have to renounce her life of crime next time they came ashore. There was only so much a body could take of the captain’s dreadful singing.
. . . In SPACE!!
“I think,” said Dr Smith, surveying the inevitable results, “that’s probably the last time we should experiment with making chocolate cake during an asteroid storm.”
Evelyn reached for a cloth. “Oh, I don’t know. It might have been all right if the things hadn’t wound up playing havoc with the artificial gravity.”
Born Another Gender
Eminent historian Professor Evelyn Smythe listened to the strange woman’s unlikely tale with growing incredulity. “I don’t believe a word of it, young lady!”
Schoolfic
“I don’t know,” said Evelyn, “if you’re just going to sit there sulking every time you don’t come top in something, I’m going to find someone else to play with!”
Police/Firefighters
“Smith,” said Inspector Smythe, eyeing her Sergeant’s outfit with considerable disfavour, “I said we were to go in undercover! I didn’t say you were to wear something visible at a fifty mile radius!”
Det. Sergeant Smith looked down at his yellow trousers and patchwork coat. “Well, you must admit, it definitely isn’t uniform, ma’am - as requested.”
“If you weren’t so good at your job the rest of the time, I’d fire you.”
Urban Fantasy
“So,” said Dr Smythe, “do I have this right? You claim that someone has laid a terrible enchantment on the Tower of London and you need me to sneak you in during the night so that you can reverse the spell?”
“That would be extremely helpful, yes. I promise I’d be considerably grateful. Eternally, even.”
Evelyn sighed. “Dr Smith, I am a respected historian specialising in the Tudor period, not the Queen!”
“Well, all right. Just help me break in, then.”
“You know, you can still be executed for treason…”
Regency
There was one lady who had been attending closely during his lecture (and her being there at was rather unconventional, of course, but Smith wasn’t opposed to female learning, at least up to a point). Now, as it finished, she marched up to him with a decided air about her and said, in a way that suddenly made him tremble in his shoes, “Young man, that was all very interesting, but I have some questions about your conclusions…”
***
Jamie McCrimmon & Zoe Heriot for
john_amend_all:
Wild West
“You should have let me finish calculating the perfect angle for the shot,” Zoe said, busy dressing Jamie’s wound. “That way you would have hit the target first time.”
“There wasn’t time for all your wee sums - we’d have been dead!”
Coffee Shop
Zoe had not been all that keen on having the coffee shop attached to the library, but it had grown on her lately. Aside from the fact that she liked the way they did hot chocolate with cream and tiny marshmallows in, it was good to widen one’s experience, and certainly chatting to that waiter was definitely a new experience. She just wasn’t sure why he looked quite so alarmed when she kept lending him books. How else was he going to learn anything else in return?
Shapeshifters
“There must have been something in the tea at the Institute,” said Zoe, afterwards. At least, it was the only thing she could think of to explain why she and Jamie had been spending the last couple of night flying about and trying not to swoop down on mice and other small animals. “Which means they’re up to something - and we need to stop them!”
Pirates
“There,” said Zoe, “see, I said the treasure was right here. Come on, Jamie, do hurry up and finish digging!”
. . . In SPACE!!
“Crewman McCrimmon,” said Zoe Heriot, “what have you done to the computer?”
“Well, you remember how you said I should learn to play chess in my free time and keep out of trouble in future?”
“Yes, but I don’t see -”
“Aye, well, that’s what I was trying to get yon wee box to do for me - teach me. It seemed to get itself in a bit of a tangle over it.”
Zoe thought about that. “Oh,” she said. “Well, I’ll have to teach you, then.” After all, she was always saying she was cleverer than the computer, so it was about time she proved it.
Born Another Gender
If she’d been a boy, she’d have got to fight, thought Jamesina McCrimmon. She felt that would have to be much better than being left behind, waiting for word of what had happened, even if Kirsty seemed shocked at her friend’s ideas.
Schoolfic
“Honestly, Jamie,” said Zoe. “You really should try not to get in so many fights. Our house is going to lose all its merit marks if you carry on like this.”
Jamie decided that it wasn’t the moment to point out that she was usually the one who started the fights by annoying people, or else that’d definitely start a fight here and now - and he was hoping she’d let him come home with her for tea.
Police/Firefighters
“I don’t understand,” said Zoe, after their commanding officer had finished lecturing them on their many errors in the case. “Logically, it had to be Mr Arbuthnot. We went over everything!”
“Aye, I know, but we must have missed something,” said Jamie. “Least we caught the right person in the end, even if it was by mistake.”
Zoe had a worryingly determined light in her eye. “Yes, but we must work out exactly where we went wrong - we don’t want it to happen again!”
Urban Fantasy
“What seems to be the problem?” asked Zoe from across the desk as their latest client arrived in the officers of Heriot & McCrimmon Investigations.
“It’s a little bit odd…”
“Don’t worry. Odd is what we’re here for - isn’t it, Jamie?”
“Aye. You can say that again!”
Regency
“You’re not supposed to speak to me, miss,” said Jamie the groom. “You’ll be getting us both into trouble.”
Zoe sighed. “Yes, but everyone else is so dull. I’m tired of being a proper little lady all the time - I think I ought to learn something of the real world. I’m sure you could teach me.”
Jamie felt sure that would definitely get him into trouble…
***
River Song & Romana for a_phoenixdragon:
Wild West
“I’m afraid,” said the sheriff, locking the the jail door on her latest prisoner, “that if you wanted to rob a bank, you chose the wrong town.”
“Oh, sweetie,” said the notorious outlaw, giving a flirtatious smile, “I chose exactly the right town…”
Coffee Shop
It was quite the best coffee shop in the country. It perched in an ideal position on the edge of town (but not too far from the shops) with a splendid view out over the gently rolling green hills and nearby lake. Its coffee was divine and its cakes perfection.
The proprietor was, however, currently not entirely happy. “Yes,” she said, “on the phone, but where are you? It’s my holiday next week and you don’t even sound as if you’re in the country.”
The voice on the other end of the telephone squeaked and babbled, inaudible to everyone but the proprietor.
“Really?” said Romana. “In Kent? Excavating Roman ruins? You know, it’s terribly funny but it sounds like a lot of people are speaking Spanish over there.” She raised an eyebrow. “Oh, students. I see. You will be back by Monday, won’t you?” She flinched at a noise on the other end. “River, is someone shooting at you? Where are you - and what have you stolen this time?” She shook her head at the unheard reply. “Well, of course I need to know. How else am I supposed to bail you out?”
Shapeshifters
“I thought it’d be fun,” said River, once they resumed human form. “It wasn’t, was it? Damn.”
Romana shook her head. “It was interesting, but the fur does seem to itch one rather. Also, I would have preferred some warning. It wasn’t the most convenient moment.” She paused, watching River. “And, do tell me - why otters?”
Pirates
“What now?” said Captain Romana. “We’ve robbed, pillaged, stolen loot, buried it, dug up someone else’s stolen loot and buried it again. You’ve had your wicked way with at least two prisoners, three naval captains and six tavern wenches. And,” she added conscientiously, “one rather marvellous pirate captain at least four times. Is there anything else pirates usually do, or have we accomplished everything already?”
River considered it. “Probably. All the best bits, anyway. How about we sail all over the Seven Seas instead? I hear there’s any number of wonders out there…”
. . . In SPACE!!
“Well,” said Romana, walking into space command as the new, democratically-elected president of the Federation, her second in command at her side. “This rebellion business isn’t so hard, after all. I don’t know what that Avon chap was making such a fuss about.”
“He didn’t have me, did he? You’ll find that makes all the difference.”
Romana ignored such an obvious irrelevancy. “I can’t help but feel,” she said, “that he lacked the right organisational and PR skills.”
Born Another Gender
“Are you sure,” Fred said to River, “that this jewel heist is the best plan?”
“Have you got a better one?”
“Now that you mention it, yes. Several.”
Schoolfic
“Ooh, it’s the big bad head girl. What are you going to do?” said River. “Expel me?”
Romana surveyed the sixth form’s biggest troublemaker with interest. “No. I think that was probably what you were after. I’m going to send you to Coventry for a few days. Oh, and write out ‘I must not break into the prefects’ room’ five hundred times.”
“What if I don’t?”
Romana gave her a smile. “Oh, I don’t think you want to find that out.”
Police/Firefighters
“One day you’ll finally learn that I’m simply cleverer than you and stop attempting to pull off jewel heists in my city,” said Det. Chief Inspector Romana. “Until then, we’ll keep on meeting like this, Ms Song.”
River shrugged. “What can I say? I like a challenge. And,” she added, with a glint in her eye, “you do the arresting so well, sweetie. I’m getting addicted to your way with a pair of handcuffs. Bit of a nuisance, but what can an internationally renowned cat-burglar do?”
“Oh, well,” said Romana, “I suppose I am rather superb. You’re still under arrest, though.”
“Damn.”
Urban Fantasy
“You know,” said River, “vampire hunting’s no fun if all the vampires keep running away and hiding. I’m sure one of that last gang staked himself before I got to him. Are we getting too good at it or what?”
Romana gave a private smile. Some vampires, she thought, were excellent at hiding. Her gaze slid to River’s neck and she wondered when would be the right moment to make that clear to her friend.
Regency
It was indeed a fortunate day on which Lady Romana Dvoreatrelundar met Miss River Song: what better partnership could there be than one made between a bored and extremely rich aristocrat and a would-be archaeologist of no great family or fortune with a passion for exploring?
***
Hilda Annersley & Nell Wilson (Chalet School) for elen_nare:
Wild West
“You see?” said Hilda Annersley. “A stern word or two seems to have been enough to deter those ruffians after all.”
Nell Wilson nodded wisely and neglected to mention the pistol in her drawer with which she had forcibly underlined those words. Always humour the sheriff was a good rule for the sheriff’s deputy.
Coffee Shop
“I don’t know how it is,” said Hilda, “but someone seems to have muddled up the sugar and the salt again this morning. I can’t think what we’re going to give the customers. These cakes are all quite inedible!”
“Hmm,” Nell said, “maybe if we have a whip round from the staff to buy some in they’ll be more careful in future?”
Shapeshifters
Hilda always wondered how it had happened - this ability to shift-shape into something four-legged and swift. The only thing she could imagine was that it was somehow due to her deep unhappiness at home since the death of her mother. That was reason enough for any young girl with such a restricted life to want to flee. Nell was the only other one of her kind she’d met, and when she asked her, Nell became unusually thoughtful and said something about the death of her sister.
“But at least,” she added, taking her friend’s hand, “it brought us together.”
Pirates
As pirate ships went, it wasn’t a bad one, Nell thought, and she’d rather have the dread Captain Annersley alongside her in a fight rather than anyone else she knew, but she wished the Captain would stop making people walk the plank for saying ‘Can I?’ rather than ‘May I?’ Good crew members were hard to find.
. . . In SPACE!!
“I don’t know what made Lady Russell think of running a school on this space station,” said Nell Wilson, collapsing into the nearest chair in Hilda Annersley’s office, “but there are times when I have to question the wisdom of it, to say the least.”
Hilda shook her head. “Poor Nell! What is it this time? I hope Elizabeth Arnett and Betty Wynne-Davies haven’t been meddling with the air supply settings again?”
Born Another Gender
“It’s always the same,” said the head, Mr Annersley, to his deputy Mr Wilson. “Middles!”
Schoolfic
“Oh, Nell,” said Hilda, catching sight of her friend in the corridor outside the headmistress’s office, looking slightly singed. “Oh, dear. What did you do this time?”
Police/Firefighters
Det. Inspector Wilson rechecked her report closely before handing it into Superintendent Annersley - not only was Supt. Annersley one of the best detectives on the force and a devil for the details, but she was also a demon on spelling, grammar and good plain English in written reports.
Urban Fantasy
“Oh, and there’s a message from Lady Russell,” said Nell. “She thinks that it really is about time we started to teach the Seniors protective magics again - counter spells and wards, that type of thing.”
Hilda nodded. Naturally, they didn’t want Chalet girls growing up to be weak, spineless creatures who didn’t know what to do when confronted with malevolent Folk from the Other Realms. “Well, that’s more your area, Nell - I’ll leave it up to you to decide.”
Regency
It had long been the dream of Miss Hilda Annersley not to marry, but to found her own school, but it was not an easy venture for a single lady to embark on alone. Her meeting with Miss Helena Wilson who had long harboured similar ambitions, was indeed, a happy one.
***
The Master (Delgado) for scripsi:
Wild West
“So,” said Sheriff Smith, “what exactly were you thinking, trying to break into the Mayor’s house? You must have known you’d get spotted, especially with a darn fool plan like that.”
The dastardly outlaw known only as The Master* shrugged. “One does get so bored on occasions.”
“Anyone would think you liked being arrested.”
“Perish the notion, my dear sheriff.”
*When he wasn’t travelling the West incognito as the Mystical Magister, the greatest Mesmerist in the World, that was.
Coffee Shop
“Poisoned?” said the proprietor to the customer returning the fatal latte. “Oh, dear no, not the work of the management, I assure you. We favour the more personal touch.” He waved a hand at the shelf full of oddly lifelike dolls behind him. “It must have been one of the regulars. Not my affair at all, I’m afraid. I suggest you contact the police. Chief Inspector Smith will no doubt be very interested to hear of it.”
Shapeshifters
It was, the Master had discovered, exceedingly useful to able to imitate anyone else’s form he chose. It was merely a minor and temporary set-back that the ability was proving difficult to control as fully he would wish.
Pirates
“Captain Smith,” said the dread pirate known only as The Master, his cutlass at the naval captain’s throat. “You may have thwarted my plans again, but you will not escape me now!”
His great rival backed away. “My dear fellow, if you wouldn’t follow me about the seven seas, I wouldn’t be able to keep on thwarting you, you know. Oh, well done, Joe!” he said to his (oddly girlish) cabin boy as the plucky youngster hit the master over the head with part of a broken plank. “That ought to keep Admiral Lethbridge-Stewart happy.”
. . . In SPACE!!
The shadowy figure eyed Masters with interest. “And what do you want?” he asked, solidifying back into a more wholly human form again.
“That,” said Masters, “is a very good question indeed…”
Schoolfic
“So, Smith, what’s your excuse this time?”
“It wasn’t me, sir!”
“Oh, who was it then?”
Masters, standing to one side of them, looked only more innocent than ever.
Police/Firefighters
There was no better way to run a crime ring, Chief Superintendent Magister felt, than from being positioned right inside the law. Corruption and abuse of power was a wonderful thing - in the right hands, of course.
Urban Fantasy
“So, your unholinesss, how was it that you decided to become a Dark Lord? Was it your ambition from childhood or did it just sort of come over you one day? Apparently, that happens a lot.”
The Dark Lord of the Two Realms raised an eyebrow at his interviewer. “Well, I found it a more amusing occupation than losing at chess. Although lately I begin to feel the challenge has gone out of it. I might need to turn to … other interests.”
“Oh?” said the interviewer, suddenly looking a little less confident.
“Possibly magical experimentation on suitably, ah, willing volunteers. How might you feel about that, Miss Smith?”
Regency
There was, Miss Austen felt, something strange about that new vicar. She would have to write to her friend Miss Oswald about it.
***
Crossposted from Dreamwidth -- Comments there:
Six and Evelyn for romanajo123:
Wild West
“Really,” said Evelyn, “that is the last time I’m going to break you out of jail because you had to stop and admire your Wanted poster!”
Doc Smith shuffled in some embarrassment, but only said, “Well, even you must admit it was a particularly good likeness.”
Coffee Shop
John Smith looked back at the stream of impatient customers at the counter and began to feel a twinge of alarm. In such dire straits as these, customers could begin to get nasty.
“Evelyn,” he called, “can you hurry up in there? We’ve almost run out of chocolate cake!”
Shapeshifters
“I can’t explain it at all,” said the giant, rainbow-coloured penguin. “Unless I’ve been spending too much time with Frobisher and something’s rubbed off…”
“I wish something would rub off! I need sunglasses. Honestly, Doctor, I can’t possibly take you anywhere looking like that. It’s even worse than usual!”
Pirates
Evelyn could take to some aspects of the life of a pirate, she thought, but she was going to have to renounce her life of crime next time they came ashore. There was only so much a body could take of the captain’s dreadful singing.
. . . In SPACE!!
“I think,” said Dr Smith, surveying the inevitable results, “that’s probably the last time we should experiment with making chocolate cake during an asteroid storm.”
Evelyn reached for a cloth. “Oh, I don’t know. It might have been all right if the things hadn’t wound up playing havoc with the artificial gravity.”
Born Another Gender
Eminent historian Professor Evelyn Smythe listened to the strange woman’s unlikely tale with growing incredulity. “I don’t believe a word of it, young lady!”
Schoolfic
“I don’t know,” said Evelyn, “if you’re just going to sit there sulking every time you don’t come top in something, I’m going to find someone else to play with!”
Police/Firefighters
“Smith,” said Inspector Smythe, eyeing her Sergeant’s outfit with considerable disfavour, “I said we were to go in undercover! I didn’t say you were to wear something visible at a fifty mile radius!”
Det. Sergeant Smith looked down at his yellow trousers and patchwork coat. “Well, you must admit, it definitely isn’t uniform, ma’am - as requested.”
“If you weren’t so good at your job the rest of the time, I’d fire you.”
Urban Fantasy
“So,” said Dr Smythe, “do I have this right? You claim that someone has laid a terrible enchantment on the Tower of London and you need me to sneak you in during the night so that you can reverse the spell?”
“That would be extremely helpful, yes. I promise I’d be considerably grateful. Eternally, even.”
Evelyn sighed. “Dr Smith, I am a respected historian specialising in the Tudor period, not the Queen!”
“Well, all right. Just help me break in, then.”
“You know, you can still be executed for treason…”
Regency
There was one lady who had been attending closely during his lecture (and her being there at was rather unconventional, of course, but Smith wasn’t opposed to female learning, at least up to a point). Now, as it finished, she marched up to him with a decided air about her and said, in a way that suddenly made him tremble in his shoes, “Young man, that was all very interesting, but I have some questions about your conclusions…”
***
Jamie McCrimmon & Zoe Heriot for
john_amend_all:
Wild West
“You should have let me finish calculating the perfect angle for the shot,” Zoe said, busy dressing Jamie’s wound. “That way you would have hit the target first time.”
“There wasn’t time for all your wee sums - we’d have been dead!”
Coffee Shop
Zoe had not been all that keen on having the coffee shop attached to the library, but it had grown on her lately. Aside from the fact that she liked the way they did hot chocolate with cream and tiny marshmallows in, it was good to widen one’s experience, and certainly chatting to that waiter was definitely a new experience. She just wasn’t sure why he looked quite so alarmed when she kept lending him books. How else was he going to learn anything else in return?
Shapeshifters
“There must have been something in the tea at the Institute,” said Zoe, afterwards. At least, it was the only thing she could think of to explain why she and Jamie had been spending the last couple of night flying about and trying not to swoop down on mice and other small animals. “Which means they’re up to something - and we need to stop them!”
Pirates
“There,” said Zoe, “see, I said the treasure was right here. Come on, Jamie, do hurry up and finish digging!”
. . . In SPACE!!
“Crewman McCrimmon,” said Zoe Heriot, “what have you done to the computer?”
“Well, you remember how you said I should learn to play chess in my free time and keep out of trouble in future?”
“Yes, but I don’t see -”
“Aye, well, that’s what I was trying to get yon wee box to do for me - teach me. It seemed to get itself in a bit of a tangle over it.”
Zoe thought about that. “Oh,” she said. “Well, I’ll have to teach you, then.” After all, she was always saying she was cleverer than the computer, so it was about time she proved it.
Born Another Gender
If she’d been a boy, she’d have got to fight, thought Jamesina McCrimmon. She felt that would have to be much better than being left behind, waiting for word of what had happened, even if Kirsty seemed shocked at her friend’s ideas.
Schoolfic
“Honestly, Jamie,” said Zoe. “You really should try not to get in so many fights. Our house is going to lose all its merit marks if you carry on like this.”
Jamie decided that it wasn’t the moment to point out that she was usually the one who started the fights by annoying people, or else that’d definitely start a fight here and now - and he was hoping she’d let him come home with her for tea.
Police/Firefighters
“I don’t understand,” said Zoe, after their commanding officer had finished lecturing them on their many errors in the case. “Logically, it had to be Mr Arbuthnot. We went over everything!”
“Aye, I know, but we must have missed something,” said Jamie. “Least we caught the right person in the end, even if it was by mistake.”
Zoe had a worryingly determined light in her eye. “Yes, but we must work out exactly where we went wrong - we don’t want it to happen again!”
Urban Fantasy
“What seems to be the problem?” asked Zoe from across the desk as their latest client arrived in the officers of Heriot & McCrimmon Investigations.
“It’s a little bit odd…”
“Don’t worry. Odd is what we’re here for - isn’t it, Jamie?”
“Aye. You can say that again!”
Regency
“You’re not supposed to speak to me, miss,” said Jamie the groom. “You’ll be getting us both into trouble.”
Zoe sighed. “Yes, but everyone else is so dull. I’m tired of being a proper little lady all the time - I think I ought to learn something of the real world. I’m sure you could teach me.”
Jamie felt sure that would definitely get him into trouble…
***
River Song & Romana for a_phoenixdragon:
Wild West
“I’m afraid,” said the sheriff, locking the the jail door on her latest prisoner, “that if you wanted to rob a bank, you chose the wrong town.”
“Oh, sweetie,” said the notorious outlaw, giving a flirtatious smile, “I chose exactly the right town…”
Coffee Shop
It was quite the best coffee shop in the country. It perched in an ideal position on the edge of town (but not too far from the shops) with a splendid view out over the gently rolling green hills and nearby lake. Its coffee was divine and its cakes perfection.
The proprietor was, however, currently not entirely happy. “Yes,” she said, “on the phone, but where are you? It’s my holiday next week and you don’t even sound as if you’re in the country.”
The voice on the other end of the telephone squeaked and babbled, inaudible to everyone but the proprietor.
“Really?” said Romana. “In Kent? Excavating Roman ruins? You know, it’s terribly funny but it sounds like a lot of people are speaking Spanish over there.” She raised an eyebrow. “Oh, students. I see. You will be back by Monday, won’t you?” She flinched at a noise on the other end. “River, is someone shooting at you? Where are you - and what have you stolen this time?” She shook her head at the unheard reply. “Well, of course I need to know. How else am I supposed to bail you out?”
Shapeshifters
“I thought it’d be fun,” said River, once they resumed human form. “It wasn’t, was it? Damn.”
Romana shook her head. “It was interesting, but the fur does seem to itch one rather. Also, I would have preferred some warning. It wasn’t the most convenient moment.” She paused, watching River. “And, do tell me - why otters?”
Pirates
“What now?” said Captain Romana. “We’ve robbed, pillaged, stolen loot, buried it, dug up someone else’s stolen loot and buried it again. You’ve had your wicked way with at least two prisoners, three naval captains and six tavern wenches. And,” she added conscientiously, “one rather marvellous pirate captain at least four times. Is there anything else pirates usually do, or have we accomplished everything already?”
River considered it. “Probably. All the best bits, anyway. How about we sail all over the Seven Seas instead? I hear there’s any number of wonders out there…”
. . . In SPACE!!
“Well,” said Romana, walking into space command as the new, democratically-elected president of the Federation, her second in command at her side. “This rebellion business isn’t so hard, after all. I don’t know what that Avon chap was making such a fuss about.”
“He didn’t have me, did he? You’ll find that makes all the difference.”
Romana ignored such an obvious irrelevancy. “I can’t help but feel,” she said, “that he lacked the right organisational and PR skills.”
Born Another Gender
“Are you sure,” Fred said to River, “that this jewel heist is the best plan?”
“Have you got a better one?”
“Now that you mention it, yes. Several.”
Schoolfic
“Ooh, it’s the big bad head girl. What are you going to do?” said River. “Expel me?”
Romana surveyed the sixth form’s biggest troublemaker with interest. “No. I think that was probably what you were after. I’m going to send you to Coventry for a few days. Oh, and write out ‘I must not break into the prefects’ room’ five hundred times.”
“What if I don’t?”
Romana gave her a smile. “Oh, I don’t think you want to find that out.”
Police/Firefighters
“One day you’ll finally learn that I’m simply cleverer than you and stop attempting to pull off jewel heists in my city,” said Det. Chief Inspector Romana. “Until then, we’ll keep on meeting like this, Ms Song.”
River shrugged. “What can I say? I like a challenge. And,” she added, with a glint in her eye, “you do the arresting so well, sweetie. I’m getting addicted to your way with a pair of handcuffs. Bit of a nuisance, but what can an internationally renowned cat-burglar do?”
“Oh, well,” said Romana, “I suppose I am rather superb. You’re still under arrest, though.”
“Damn.”
Urban Fantasy
“You know,” said River, “vampire hunting’s no fun if all the vampires keep running away and hiding. I’m sure one of that last gang staked himself before I got to him. Are we getting too good at it or what?”
Romana gave a private smile. Some vampires, she thought, were excellent at hiding. Her gaze slid to River’s neck and she wondered when would be the right moment to make that clear to her friend.
Regency
It was indeed a fortunate day on which Lady Romana Dvoreatrelundar met Miss River Song: what better partnership could there be than one made between a bored and extremely rich aristocrat and a would-be archaeologist of no great family or fortune with a passion for exploring?
***
Hilda Annersley & Nell Wilson (Chalet School) for elen_nare:
Wild West
“You see?” said Hilda Annersley. “A stern word or two seems to have been enough to deter those ruffians after all.”
Nell Wilson nodded wisely and neglected to mention the pistol in her drawer with which she had forcibly underlined those words. Always humour the sheriff was a good rule for the sheriff’s deputy.
Coffee Shop
“I don’t know how it is,” said Hilda, “but someone seems to have muddled up the sugar and the salt again this morning. I can’t think what we’re going to give the customers. These cakes are all quite inedible!”
“Hmm,” Nell said, “maybe if we have a whip round from the staff to buy some in they’ll be more careful in future?”
Shapeshifters
Hilda always wondered how it had happened - this ability to shift-shape into something four-legged and swift. The only thing she could imagine was that it was somehow due to her deep unhappiness at home since the death of her mother. That was reason enough for any young girl with such a restricted life to want to flee. Nell was the only other one of her kind she’d met, and when she asked her, Nell became unusually thoughtful and said something about the death of her sister.
“But at least,” she added, taking her friend’s hand, “it brought us together.”
Pirates
As pirate ships went, it wasn’t a bad one, Nell thought, and she’d rather have the dread Captain Annersley alongside her in a fight rather than anyone else she knew, but she wished the Captain would stop making people walk the plank for saying ‘Can I?’ rather than ‘May I?’ Good crew members were hard to find.
. . . In SPACE!!
“I don’t know what made Lady Russell think of running a school on this space station,” said Nell Wilson, collapsing into the nearest chair in Hilda Annersley’s office, “but there are times when I have to question the wisdom of it, to say the least.”
Hilda shook her head. “Poor Nell! What is it this time? I hope Elizabeth Arnett and Betty Wynne-Davies haven’t been meddling with the air supply settings again?”
Born Another Gender
“It’s always the same,” said the head, Mr Annersley, to his deputy Mr Wilson. “Middles!”
Schoolfic
“Oh, Nell,” said Hilda, catching sight of her friend in the corridor outside the headmistress’s office, looking slightly singed. “Oh, dear. What did you do this time?”
Police/Firefighters
Det. Inspector Wilson rechecked her report closely before handing it into Superintendent Annersley - not only was Supt. Annersley one of the best detectives on the force and a devil for the details, but she was also a demon on spelling, grammar and good plain English in written reports.
Urban Fantasy
“Oh, and there’s a message from Lady Russell,” said Nell. “She thinks that it really is about time we started to teach the Seniors protective magics again - counter spells and wards, that type of thing.”
Hilda nodded. Naturally, they didn’t want Chalet girls growing up to be weak, spineless creatures who didn’t know what to do when confronted with malevolent Folk from the Other Realms. “Well, that’s more your area, Nell - I’ll leave it up to you to decide.”
Regency
It had long been the dream of Miss Hilda Annersley not to marry, but to found her own school, but it was not an easy venture for a single lady to embark on alone. Her meeting with Miss Helena Wilson who had long harboured similar ambitions, was indeed, a happy one.
***
The Master (Delgado) for scripsi:
Wild West
“So,” said Sheriff Smith, “what exactly were you thinking, trying to break into the Mayor’s house? You must have known you’d get spotted, especially with a darn fool plan like that.”
The dastardly outlaw known only as The Master* shrugged. “One does get so bored on occasions.”
“Anyone would think you liked being arrested.”
“Perish the notion, my dear sheriff.”
*When he wasn’t travelling the West incognito as the Mystical Magister, the greatest Mesmerist in the World, that was.
Coffee Shop
“Poisoned?” said the proprietor to the customer returning the fatal latte. “Oh, dear no, not the work of the management, I assure you. We favour the more personal touch.” He waved a hand at the shelf full of oddly lifelike dolls behind him. “It must have been one of the regulars. Not my affair at all, I’m afraid. I suggest you contact the police. Chief Inspector Smith will no doubt be very interested to hear of it.”
Shapeshifters
It was, the Master had discovered, exceedingly useful to able to imitate anyone else’s form he chose. It was merely a minor and temporary set-back that the ability was proving difficult to control as fully he would wish.
Pirates
“Captain Smith,” said the dread pirate known only as The Master, his cutlass at the naval captain’s throat. “You may have thwarted my plans again, but you will not escape me now!”
His great rival backed away. “My dear fellow, if you wouldn’t follow me about the seven seas, I wouldn’t be able to keep on thwarting you, you know. Oh, well done, Joe!” he said to his (oddly girlish) cabin boy as the plucky youngster hit the master over the head with part of a broken plank. “That ought to keep Admiral Lethbridge-Stewart happy.”
. . . In SPACE!!
The shadowy figure eyed Masters with interest. “And what do you want?” he asked, solidifying back into a more wholly human form again.
“That,” said Masters, “is a very good question indeed…”
Schoolfic
“So, Smith, what’s your excuse this time?”
“It wasn’t me, sir!”
“Oh, who was it then?”
Masters, standing to one side of them, looked only more innocent than ever.
Police/Firefighters
There was no better way to run a crime ring, Chief Superintendent Magister felt, than from being positioned right inside the law. Corruption and abuse of power was a wonderful thing - in the right hands, of course.
Urban Fantasy
“So, your unholinesss, how was it that you decided to become a Dark Lord? Was it your ambition from childhood or did it just sort of come over you one day? Apparently, that happens a lot.”
The Dark Lord of the Two Realms raised an eyebrow at his interviewer. “Well, I found it a more amusing occupation than losing at chess. Although lately I begin to feel the challenge has gone out of it. I might need to turn to … other interests.”
“Oh?” said the interviewer, suddenly looking a little less confident.
“Possibly magical experimentation on suitably, ah, willing volunteers. How might you feel about that, Miss Smith?”
Regency
There was, Miss Austen felt, something strange about that new vicar. She would have to write to her friend Miss Oswald about it.
***
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