Meme fills
I've managed a few of the AU Meme ficlets so far (and a few still yet to come). I have been posting them to AO3 & of course in the comments, but in the absence of other things going on, I thought I might as well round them up here, too:
Liz Shaw (requested by doreyg)
Wild West
Liz had been determined to become a doctor, but despite battling her way to a degree, she had not been formally awarded it, nor was anyone prepared to let her work as a physician. At least out here, nobody cared who the sawbones was as long as they didn’t kill too many patients - and there were certainly plenty of patients for her to practice on, especially with Sheriff Lethbridge-Stewart around.
Coffee Shop
“I think I’ve got it this time,” said Liz as she frowned over her notes in the search of the formula for a perfect espresso. “Now, Benton, try this…”
Shapeshifters
She called it a curse and kept herself in the lab for hours trying to work out how to undo the effects of the bite, but somehow, racing out on four legs in the moonlight, there was a part of her that revelled in the freedom.
Pirates
“Don’t worry, Captain,” said Liz to her latest captive. “I won’t hurt you. At least, not as long as you hand over your cargo right now!”
Born Another Gender
David Shaw, his tutors said, had a brilliant mind and did well enough, but he seemed to lack the drive needed to propel him to the heights he was capable of - a need to prove himself, perhaps.
Schoolfic
Liz scrunched up another of the mean, anonymous letters and threw it into the fire. Sarah Jane caught it.
“Evidence,” she said, when Liz looked at her. “We might need it.”
“I don’t understand why anyone would hate me,” she said. “What did I do?”
Jo sighed. “Well, maybe if you came last in something just once in a while, it might help,” she offered and then shrugged at their looks. “It works for me.”
Police/Firefighters
“Look, Dr Shaw, I assure you I didn’t murder that man and if you’re the brilliant forensics expert you claim and not a numbskull like DI Stewart here, you’ll soon realise it!”
Liz gave the prisoner a sharp look, raising an eyebrow at his eccentric clothing - but on the other hand, there was something very odd about that dead body…
Urban Fantasy
“Fairies?” said Liz, not even bothering to hide her laughter. “And is this why you’ve summoned me here from Cambridge, Brigadier? You must be mad!”
“Not just fairies, Miss Shaw - UNIT has been set up to deal with vampires, werewolves, leprechauns -”
“What,” she said, in scornful disbelief, “not little green men?”
Regency
Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart was, Miss Elizabeth Shaw decided, the most infuriating, patronising man she had ever met. Unfortunately, he also seemed to be the only gentleman in the district who wasn’t completely terrified of her reputation as a bluestocking…
ylla requested Justin Alastair, Duke of Avon (from Heyer's These Old Shades):
Wild West
The Sheriff opened his mouth to object to the shooting and then took one look at the Devil’s face before rapidly deciding that discretion was the better part of valour and it wasn’t as if the dead man hadn’t been the worst kind of villain anyhow.
Coffee Shop
Avon raised his eyebrow fractionally on hearing shouts coming from the coffee shop. It seemed, he thought, that Rupert and Léonie had been making a mess of the business again and he regretfully bestirred himself to go and deal with the inevitable ensuing confusion of orders.
Shapeshifters
One should, Avon reflected rather belatedly, perhaps be more careful about the strays one picked up. . .
Pirates
“But we were after a treasure map!” said Léonie. “Gold, enfin! Not - what is this? Crates and crates of it!”
“Burgundy,” said Avon. “Rupert does have a nose for it. And I must admit, it would have been a crime to let the sea water ruin it.”
Born Another Gender
The Earl of Tenbury had been far too persistent. Justine Alastair had been forced to take measures.
“’Pon rep,” said Rupert, who’d run into the room on hearing the loud report. “The fellow was as rich as they come! Couldn’t you have wed him first and shot him after?”
Justine gave a shudder. The man had clammy hands and was far too fond of onions. “I fear not. Come, Rupert, you must help me dispose of the body.”
Schoolfic
Devil Alastair, Terror of the Sixth, pushed aside the last of the Forth Form bullies to lend a hand to the scruffy and battered First Former lying in the mud of the school field. “Up with you, and cease that snivelling. What is your name?”
“Leon,” said the new boy.
Police/Firefighters
Detective Inspector Alastair waited until he had heard the sound of gunshots die down and then gave the nod to the waiting Sergeant Davenant. “Since the villains have now ceased obliging us by killing each other - time to round up the survivors!”
Urban Fantasy
“When will you learn?” Avon said to Rupert, leading him out of the strangely sunny glade. “Such flowers in bloom in January, leaves on the trees - clear markers of the uncanny. One must keep a watch for these things and take precautions - bring protective charms - or iron perhaps,” he added, somehow skewering a fairy who had not been their before with his blade. He withdrew it and glanced at his brother. “However, steel will do.”
katemacetak asked for the Ninth Doctor & Rose Tyler:
Wild West
The plan to hold up the bank had been great in theory, Doc Smith thought, holed up in the Sheriff’s cell with Rose. How else were they supposed to get the money to ransom Mickey? It just might have gone better if they’d checked whether either of could shoot straight first...
Coffee Shop
“Wasn’t my idea to open up a café,” said the Doctor, sticking his feet up on the desk in the back. “I’m strictly tricky technical repairs and sorting trouble, me. Cleaning out the cappuccino machine - that’s your territory.”
Rose threw the wet cloth at him.
Shapeshifters
“You’re a were-what?” said Rose.
“You heard. Knew you’d laugh.”
“A were-terrier?” said Rose. She was laughing. She hadn’t stopped for a while. “Should I get you a collar and a lead? No, wait - how about a cute little coat?”
Pirates
“But why can’t I have a parrot?” said Rose. “You’ve got an eye patch and a wooden leg, after all. Fair’s fair, and I wouldn’t look half as daft as you do in that get-up.”
. . . In SPACE!!
“You’re never expecting me to go with you in that,” said Rose, as they arrived at Doctor Smith’s battered and outdated ship. “Are you sure you can even get it off the planet?”
“Well,” he said, holding out his hand, “you can stay if you like, but since the whole planet’s likely to blow any minute -”
Born Another Gender
Rob Tyler was fed up enough working in the department store, without the crazy lady turning up brandishing (thankfully plastic) body parts.
Schoolfic
“I don’t see why you can only hang out with me in secret suddenly,” Smith said. “Come on, Rose, this is silly.”
She shook her head, refusing to be moved. She could put up with all sorts of things to keep her best friend, but being labelled Big Ears and Noddy every time they were together was just too much for a ten year old to bear.
Police/Firefighters
“And I think,” said Inspector John Smith, “that this ought to be a lesson to you in why we don’t muck about with handcuffs.”
“Look, Mick- Sergeant Smith said he had the key!” said Det. Constable Tyler. “It was only meant to be a laugh.”
“Very funny, then, I don’t think. How’m I going to look, tagging you along after me everywhere, like this?”
Urban Fantasy
“Look,” said Rose, “you’re supposed to be an expert in weird, right?”
“Something like that,” agreed Dr. Smith. “What seems to be the problem?”
“Where I work - stuff’s been going missing - people, too. And I swear I saw something the other day, down in the basement.”
“Like what?”
“Don’t laugh, okay - a fairy.” Rose paused and then mimed. “With, you know, sparkly wings and everything.” She caught the look on his face. “Is that bad?”
“The worst,” said Smith. “Sparkles are never a good sign. . .”
Regency
“You’re never the new butler,” said Rose. “Besides, that’s no excuse for breaking in!”
John Smith turned. “I am; I’m an excellent butler, who merely happens to be prowling round Lady Constance’s manor in the middle of the night for very good reasons. What’s your excuse?”
“I’m the chambermaid. I work here, unlike some people!”
“Fine, I confess. I’m a Bow Street Runner and your employers - well, let’s just say they don’t always keep to the straight and narrow. Now, how about you help me out with my investigations instead of obstructing them?”
liadtbunny asked for Adam Adamant/Georgina Jones & I mainly wrote Adam & Georgie (the shippage comes way later in each AU, okay). ;-p
Wild West
“As for your behaviour, Miss Jones, I scarcely know where to begin. That outfit is barely decent - and no gently bred female should try to handle a firearm. And certainly not,” he added, “one who literally cannot hit a barn door at ten paces!”
Georgie, currently dressed as a dancing girl and locked up in the sheriff’s cell, looked up at him. “Oh, but, Mr Adamant, I thought that rotten outlaw was going to kill you!”
Coffee Shop
“Whoops, sorry,” said the blonde waitress as she spilt coffee all over Adam’s latest acquisition for his library - a rare first edition of Portrait of a Lady, something that took him back to a time more his own, even if it was written by an American. “Still, at least it wasn’t new.”
Shapeshifters
“I’m sorry about biting you,” said Georgie, the next morning. “But, well, it seemed like the only way out. Lucky it was a full moon, I suppose.”
Adam would have glared at her, but he was too busy averting his eyes. Lucky was not the word he would have used. “Miss Jones!” he said faintly. “Please try to cover yourself!”
“What with?” said Georgie, surveying the forest around them. “Leaves, like Adam and Eve? Anyway, it’s not as if you’ve got any clothes, either.” She didn’t sound, somehow, as if she was averting her eyes at all.
“Which is why I am remaining behind this shrub until the situation can be rectified!”
Pirates
“Psst,” said Georgie the cabin boy. “Whatever you do, don’t trust Lady Francis. She’s a pirate!”
“Nonsense,” Adam said. “She is a very charming lady and, moreover, pirates are male not female.”
Sometime later, having been rendered unconscious and tied to the mast by the perfidious lady, he had to admit that Georgie had a point.
. . . In SPACE!!
“Really, Georgina,” said Adam. “A respectable lady in a position of power like Space Commander Servalan is hardly going to turn out to be a power crazed villainess! I can’t imagine what you were thinking.”
Born Another Gender
“Wow,” said George Jones, watching Adelaide Adamant’s prowess with a sword. “I didn’t think Victorian ladies could be so groovy!”
Schoolfic
Adam waited for Georgie outside the school gate and didn’t say anything about her being in detention again for the third time this month. Georgie wished she could explain, but she knew from experience that he only got annoyed if she told him awful Louise was and why she deserved to be shut in the supply cupboard and have her hair pulled. Boys were stupid, Georgie decided. They always liked the wrong people.
Police/Firefighters
It should have been difficult, suddenly answering to a defrosted Edwardian Inspector, WPC Jones thought, but on the other hand, Inspector Adamant didn’t whistle at her, grope her, swear at her, pinch her bum, or allow any of the rest of the men to do those things, either, which made a change. She just wished he’d stop telling her that the police force was no place for a nicely brought up young lady.
Urban Fantasy
“Don’t tell me,” said Simms. “Mr Adamant is away with the fairies again.”
Georgie gave him a tragic look. “Worse than that - it’s the Fairy Queen we’re up against this time.”
“Oh, dear,” said Simms. “Oh, dear, oh dear, oh dear.”
Regency
“I believe Miss Jones, the new housekeeper - if I may call her that - is in league with the free traders, sir.”
Adam looked up from the paper. “Oh, come now, Simms! She may not be particularly suitable for her current position, but I’m sure a delicately nurtured female would never -”
“Would you care to see the cellar, sir?” asked Simms in his most ominous tones.
Pers asked for Harry/Ruth from Spooks:
Wild West
“Should I shoot him again, Harry?”
“Yes, why not? Always best to be sure about these things…”
Coffee Shop
He came in, as he did every Saturday morning (one black coffee and the Times crossword). She smiled at him, flustered by talk of the weather while she counted out his change - and wrote a cryptic clue on his receipt. He left his paper behind, the answer pencilled into the crossword, and she grinned: it was a date.
Shapeshifters
“Ruth, I know,” said Harry, in the privacy of his office. “It wasn’t all that hard to work out.”
Ruth closed her eyes and finally admitted her darkest secret: “All right, it’s true - I am the mole!”
Pirates
The fearsome Pirate Nancy* liked to think no ship on the four seas was safe from her. Captain Harry Pearce of His Majesty’s Navy liked to think otherwise. (He was wrong.)
*Because when (any) Ruth is a pirate, her name is Nancy, of course. ;-)
. . . In SPACE!!
It was a common joke amongst the crew of the SS Thames House that Captain Pearce was in love with the ship’s computer interface. It was only Technician Wynn-Jones who suspected it might not be a joke after all.
Born Another Gender
Harriet Pearce had always been obstinate and career-minded, fighting her way through years of prejudice both in the WRAC and later in Five. She was, she felt, a damn fine officer (despite being too often passed over for promotion) and so she would remain. This was more than could be said for the current ‘specialist’ she’d been lumbered with - an Oxford professor who was the only one familiar with the archaic language the latest terrorist used.
“You know, I always wanted to be a spy,” said Rupert Evershed, happily. “James Bond and all that.”
God, thought Harriet. It was going to be a long few days.
Schoolfic
“Mr Pearce,” said the librarian running after the Head of English. “I wanted a word with you - it’s about those books going missing from the library. I think I’ve solved the mystery!”
“Ah, yes,” said Harry Pearce. “Pupils again, I expect.”
Miss Evershed ushered him into the library. “No, no. Well, yes, obviously, but I’ve narrowed it down to two and I thought you could help me -”
“Why not?” said Harry.
Police/Firefighters
“Sir, wait,” Ruth said, the phone still in her hand.
Curious, Harry Pearce turned to face the receptionist.
“I’ve been mapping our calls - and I’m sure there’s a pattern to these fires,” said Ruth. “They aren’t random arson attacks - it’s the opening move in somebody’s strategy. It might sound odd, but you have to believe me.”
Strangely, he did.
Urban Fantasy
“Ruth,” said Harry, striding into the grid. “What is it this morning? Dirty bombs in Whitehall or demonic activity in Whitechapel?”
She passed him a file. “Neither. A rogue magician in Hounslow, but don’t worry, we’ve set Ros onto him.”
“Well, tell her not to bare her fangs this time…”
Regency
Society had long since given up Miss Evershed as a hopeless spinster. She was far too awkward and bookish to appeal to the gentlemen. Sir Harry Pearce had heard, however, that unlikely as it seemed, she possessed a keen mind with a knack for languages and codes - and he had a message recovered from a French agent to be deciphered. Whitehall had need of her services, and he was the man to ask for them.
dbskyler asked for Leela:
Wild West
“Savage,” said Doc Smith after their show was over, “how many times do I need to tell you not to throw the knives at the audience?”
“That man was going to shoot you!”
“Oh, well, that’s all right, then.”
Coffee Shop
“You will drink that cappuccino the Doctor made for you,” said Leela with a dangerous light in her eye, “or I will tip it over your head!”
“But it’s -” began the Castellan.
“It is exactly what you asked for,” said Leela firmly. “If you have now changed your mind that is your fault and not the Doctor’s and you may not have your money back!”
Shapeshifters
“You know,” said Smith to the wolf beside him, “I always get the feeling you enjoy this far too much.” He could have sworn the wolf grinned.
Pirates
“Avast there!” said Leela, Terror of the Ocean Waves, her cutlass at the throat of the captain of the ship she’d boarded. “You will give me your cargo and any treasure or I shall kill you!”
“I don’t have any,” said Andred. “You can check if you like. Er… sorry?”
Leela paused before making a quick recovery. “Very well, then,” she said, giving him a smile. “I shall take you!”
. . . In SPACE!!
Leela knew the ways of the warrior: she knew how to track wild creatures, which plants were helpful and which harmful, and how to fight, whether with her own hands or a knife. She did not like these metal boxes of ships, but, she thought as she settled into the seat, she was a warrior and if she must fight a war this way, she would do it well.
“You fought bravely,” she told her opponent as she fired the final shot towards them. “Die well, as you have lived.”
Schoolfic
“I do not like this school of yours,” said Leela to Sarah Jane, who was the only other pupil still talking to her. “The rules are silly and I have no wish to go to Coventry!”
Police/Firefighters
“This,” said Leela, brandishing her truncheon in disgust, “is a blunt weapon. Surely your guards have better arms than this?”
“Why?” Inspector Smith asked. “Not scared, are you?”
Leela made no further complaint.
Urban Fantasy
“You know what you must do,” said Leela, raising her head. “I have been bitten. It is over. You must destroy me before it is too late.”
Dr Smith shook his head. “Not so fast, my girl,” he said. “Nothing that a bit of fairy dust can’t cure - if we can get some in time...”
Regency
“My guardian, Doctor Smith, has explained to me that I have to be married to become a proper lady,” said Leela. “So I have decided I will marry you. If you wish,” she added, suddenly less certain. “You do like me, don’t you?”
Captain Andred didn’t have the heart to disagree.
evelyn_b asked for Roderick Alleyn:
Wild West
Sheriff Alleyn had been asked many a time what someone like him was doing in a place like this (or words to that effect), but he felt it was irrelevant to the fact that he was doing his job. After all, for a small town, it did seem to attract an unaccountable number of improbable crimes and someone had to deal with them…
Coffee Shop
She came in every other Wednesday, mostly to share a coffee with her friend, sometimes to sketch. She was an artist. Sometimes she still had charcoal smudges on her cheek. He had noticed - but how to approach her was the question. It was, he decided, all terribly awkward. One couldn’t - one simply couldn’t - resort to the old cliché of spilling her drink.
The problem was solved in the most unwelcome way possible, however, on the day one of the customers fell to the floor on drinking their coffee - poisoned!
Shapeshifters
“Well,” said Fox, mopping his brow midway through his explanation of how his name was, in fact, literal, “it’s inconvenient at times, but on the other hand it can be invaluable for picking up odd bits of information.” He paused. “I’d have thought you’d have been a bit more surprised, sir.”
Alleyn gave a small smile and raised an eyebrow. “Well, it does explain a great deal. Besides, you’re not the only one. There are more of us about than you might think.”
Pirates
Captain Alleyn of His Majesty’s Navy turned as his First Mate, Fox, came hurrying up to him.
“Pirates,” he said, slightly out of breath, “no doubt about it now, I’m afraid, sir.”
Alleyn nodded. “I see. Then ready the men - they will find they have made a mistake in tangling with us.”
. . . In SPACE!!
Detective Inspector Alleyn of the Intergalactic Police Force entered the cabin of the luxury space liner only to find that the murderer had claimed another victim. And how was the question, when the door had been locked and there was no sign of an obvious murder weapon in the room? And yet people did not stab themselves in the back by means unknown when committing suicide, not even if one switched off the artificial gravity. Alleyn sighed slightly. He had hoped for a quiet cruise this time around, but it was not to be.
Born Another Gender
Rose Alleyn had been expected to finish her debutante season with a suitable marriage if possible, not shock the world by unnecessarily joining the Women’s Police Force. And what for, one wondered: it wasn’t even proper police work…
Schoolfic
“I had you pegged for head boy for sure,” said Fox.
Rory looked at him and grinned, as he shook his head. “No, not me. Never quite the thing, old boy. Staff Prefect is more than enough for me.”
“Preparation for the diplomatic service, maybe?”
“Who knows?”
Urban Fantasy
“Sit down and tell me again,” said Inspector Alleyn. “As the corpse has unfortunately vanished, I trust your artist’s eye for detail will be of use. The victim had been bitten, you say?”
Troy nodded. “Badly. I - I think more like that of a vampire than a wolf or changeling. Neater.” She was shaken. She had heard people talk about these sorts of creatures, of course, but it was another matter to encounter one - and so violently. She hoped this Inspector knew his lore, although she disliked the inevitable end result - hunting down and killing anything so nearly-human, even if it had drained all the blood out of her artist’s model.
Regency
Alleyn had not expected his work for the Foreign Office to lead him into such complications: the network of French spies seemed to come uncomfortably close to the charming Miss Troy…
Crossposted from Dreamwidth -- Comments there:
Liz Shaw (requested by doreyg)
Wild West
Liz had been determined to become a doctor, but despite battling her way to a degree, she had not been formally awarded it, nor was anyone prepared to let her work as a physician. At least out here, nobody cared who the sawbones was as long as they didn’t kill too many patients - and there were certainly plenty of patients for her to practice on, especially with Sheriff Lethbridge-Stewart around.
Coffee Shop
“I think I’ve got it this time,” said Liz as she frowned over her notes in the search of the formula for a perfect espresso. “Now, Benton, try this…”
Shapeshifters
She called it a curse and kept herself in the lab for hours trying to work out how to undo the effects of the bite, but somehow, racing out on four legs in the moonlight, there was a part of her that revelled in the freedom.
Pirates
“Don’t worry, Captain,” said Liz to her latest captive. “I won’t hurt you. At least, not as long as you hand over your cargo right now!”
Born Another Gender
David Shaw, his tutors said, had a brilliant mind and did well enough, but he seemed to lack the drive needed to propel him to the heights he was capable of - a need to prove himself, perhaps.
Schoolfic
Liz scrunched up another of the mean, anonymous letters and threw it into the fire. Sarah Jane caught it.
“Evidence,” she said, when Liz looked at her. “We might need it.”
“I don’t understand why anyone would hate me,” she said. “What did I do?”
Jo sighed. “Well, maybe if you came last in something just once in a while, it might help,” she offered and then shrugged at their looks. “It works for me.”
Police/Firefighters
“Look, Dr Shaw, I assure you I didn’t murder that man and if you’re the brilliant forensics expert you claim and not a numbskull like DI Stewart here, you’ll soon realise it!”
Liz gave the prisoner a sharp look, raising an eyebrow at his eccentric clothing - but on the other hand, there was something very odd about that dead body…
Urban Fantasy
“Fairies?” said Liz, not even bothering to hide her laughter. “And is this why you’ve summoned me here from Cambridge, Brigadier? You must be mad!”
“Not just fairies, Miss Shaw - UNIT has been set up to deal with vampires, werewolves, leprechauns -”
“What,” she said, in scornful disbelief, “not little green men?”
Regency
Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart was, Miss Elizabeth Shaw decided, the most infuriating, patronising man she had ever met. Unfortunately, he also seemed to be the only gentleman in the district who wasn’t completely terrified of her reputation as a bluestocking…
ylla requested Justin Alastair, Duke of Avon (from Heyer's These Old Shades):
Wild West
The Sheriff opened his mouth to object to the shooting and then took one look at the Devil’s face before rapidly deciding that discretion was the better part of valour and it wasn’t as if the dead man hadn’t been the worst kind of villain anyhow.
Coffee Shop
Avon raised his eyebrow fractionally on hearing shouts coming from the coffee shop. It seemed, he thought, that Rupert and Léonie had been making a mess of the business again and he regretfully bestirred himself to go and deal with the inevitable ensuing confusion of orders.
Shapeshifters
One should, Avon reflected rather belatedly, perhaps be more careful about the strays one picked up. . .
Pirates
“But we were after a treasure map!” said Léonie. “Gold, enfin! Not - what is this? Crates and crates of it!”
“Burgundy,” said Avon. “Rupert does have a nose for it. And I must admit, it would have been a crime to let the sea water ruin it.”
Born Another Gender
The Earl of Tenbury had been far too persistent. Justine Alastair had been forced to take measures.
“’Pon rep,” said Rupert, who’d run into the room on hearing the loud report. “The fellow was as rich as they come! Couldn’t you have wed him first and shot him after?”
Justine gave a shudder. The man had clammy hands and was far too fond of onions. “I fear not. Come, Rupert, you must help me dispose of the body.”
Schoolfic
Devil Alastair, Terror of the Sixth, pushed aside the last of the Forth Form bullies to lend a hand to the scruffy and battered First Former lying in the mud of the school field. “Up with you, and cease that snivelling. What is your name?”
“Leon,” said the new boy.
Police/Firefighters
Detective Inspector Alastair waited until he had heard the sound of gunshots die down and then gave the nod to the waiting Sergeant Davenant. “Since the villains have now ceased obliging us by killing each other - time to round up the survivors!”
Urban Fantasy
“When will you learn?” Avon said to Rupert, leading him out of the strangely sunny glade. “Such flowers in bloom in January, leaves on the trees - clear markers of the uncanny. One must keep a watch for these things and take precautions - bring protective charms - or iron perhaps,” he added, somehow skewering a fairy who had not been their before with his blade. He withdrew it and glanced at his brother. “However, steel will do.”
katemacetak asked for the Ninth Doctor & Rose Tyler:
Wild West
The plan to hold up the bank had been great in theory, Doc Smith thought, holed up in the Sheriff’s cell with Rose. How else were they supposed to get the money to ransom Mickey? It just might have gone better if they’d checked whether either of could shoot straight first...
Coffee Shop
“Wasn’t my idea to open up a café,” said the Doctor, sticking his feet up on the desk in the back. “I’m strictly tricky technical repairs and sorting trouble, me. Cleaning out the cappuccino machine - that’s your territory.”
Rose threw the wet cloth at him.
Shapeshifters
“You’re a were-what?” said Rose.
“You heard. Knew you’d laugh.”
“A were-terrier?” said Rose. She was laughing. She hadn’t stopped for a while. “Should I get you a collar and a lead? No, wait - how about a cute little coat?”
Pirates
“But why can’t I have a parrot?” said Rose. “You’ve got an eye patch and a wooden leg, after all. Fair’s fair, and I wouldn’t look half as daft as you do in that get-up.”
. . . In SPACE!!
“You’re never expecting me to go with you in that,” said Rose, as they arrived at Doctor Smith’s battered and outdated ship. “Are you sure you can even get it off the planet?”
“Well,” he said, holding out his hand, “you can stay if you like, but since the whole planet’s likely to blow any minute -”
Born Another Gender
Rob Tyler was fed up enough working in the department store, without the crazy lady turning up brandishing (thankfully plastic) body parts.
Schoolfic
“I don’t see why you can only hang out with me in secret suddenly,” Smith said. “Come on, Rose, this is silly.”
She shook her head, refusing to be moved. She could put up with all sorts of things to keep her best friend, but being labelled Big Ears and Noddy every time they were together was just too much for a ten year old to bear.
Police/Firefighters
“And I think,” said Inspector John Smith, “that this ought to be a lesson to you in why we don’t muck about with handcuffs.”
“Look, Mick- Sergeant Smith said he had the key!” said Det. Constable Tyler. “It was only meant to be a laugh.”
“Very funny, then, I don’t think. How’m I going to look, tagging you along after me everywhere, like this?”
Urban Fantasy
“Look,” said Rose, “you’re supposed to be an expert in weird, right?”
“Something like that,” agreed Dr. Smith. “What seems to be the problem?”
“Where I work - stuff’s been going missing - people, too. And I swear I saw something the other day, down in the basement.”
“Like what?”
“Don’t laugh, okay - a fairy.” Rose paused and then mimed. “With, you know, sparkly wings and everything.” She caught the look on his face. “Is that bad?”
“The worst,” said Smith. “Sparkles are never a good sign. . .”
Regency
“You’re never the new butler,” said Rose. “Besides, that’s no excuse for breaking in!”
John Smith turned. “I am; I’m an excellent butler, who merely happens to be prowling round Lady Constance’s manor in the middle of the night for very good reasons. What’s your excuse?”
“I’m the chambermaid. I work here, unlike some people!”
“Fine, I confess. I’m a Bow Street Runner and your employers - well, let’s just say they don’t always keep to the straight and narrow. Now, how about you help me out with my investigations instead of obstructing them?”
liadtbunny asked for Adam Adamant/Georgina Jones & I mainly wrote Adam & Georgie (the shippage comes way later in each AU, okay). ;-p
Wild West
“As for your behaviour, Miss Jones, I scarcely know where to begin. That outfit is barely decent - and no gently bred female should try to handle a firearm. And certainly not,” he added, “one who literally cannot hit a barn door at ten paces!”
Georgie, currently dressed as a dancing girl and locked up in the sheriff’s cell, looked up at him. “Oh, but, Mr Adamant, I thought that rotten outlaw was going to kill you!”
Coffee Shop
“Whoops, sorry,” said the blonde waitress as she spilt coffee all over Adam’s latest acquisition for his library - a rare first edition of Portrait of a Lady, something that took him back to a time more his own, even if it was written by an American. “Still, at least it wasn’t new.”
Shapeshifters
“I’m sorry about biting you,” said Georgie, the next morning. “But, well, it seemed like the only way out. Lucky it was a full moon, I suppose.”
Adam would have glared at her, but he was too busy averting his eyes. Lucky was not the word he would have used. “Miss Jones!” he said faintly. “Please try to cover yourself!”
“What with?” said Georgie, surveying the forest around them. “Leaves, like Adam and Eve? Anyway, it’s not as if you’ve got any clothes, either.” She didn’t sound, somehow, as if she was averting her eyes at all.
“Which is why I am remaining behind this shrub until the situation can be rectified!”
Pirates
“Psst,” said Georgie the cabin boy. “Whatever you do, don’t trust Lady Francis. She’s a pirate!”
“Nonsense,” Adam said. “She is a very charming lady and, moreover, pirates are male not female.”
Sometime later, having been rendered unconscious and tied to the mast by the perfidious lady, he had to admit that Georgie had a point.
. . . In SPACE!!
“Really, Georgina,” said Adam. “A respectable lady in a position of power like Space Commander Servalan is hardly going to turn out to be a power crazed villainess! I can’t imagine what you were thinking.”
Born Another Gender
“Wow,” said George Jones, watching Adelaide Adamant’s prowess with a sword. “I didn’t think Victorian ladies could be so groovy!”
Schoolfic
Adam waited for Georgie outside the school gate and didn’t say anything about her being in detention again for the third time this month. Georgie wished she could explain, but she knew from experience that he only got annoyed if she told him awful Louise was and why she deserved to be shut in the supply cupboard and have her hair pulled. Boys were stupid, Georgie decided. They always liked the wrong people.
Police/Firefighters
It should have been difficult, suddenly answering to a defrosted Edwardian Inspector, WPC Jones thought, but on the other hand, Inspector Adamant didn’t whistle at her, grope her, swear at her, pinch her bum, or allow any of the rest of the men to do those things, either, which made a change. She just wished he’d stop telling her that the police force was no place for a nicely brought up young lady.
Urban Fantasy
“Don’t tell me,” said Simms. “Mr Adamant is away with the fairies again.”
Georgie gave him a tragic look. “Worse than that - it’s the Fairy Queen we’re up against this time.”
“Oh, dear,” said Simms. “Oh, dear, oh dear, oh dear.”
Regency
“I believe Miss Jones, the new housekeeper - if I may call her that - is in league with the free traders, sir.”
Adam looked up from the paper. “Oh, come now, Simms! She may not be particularly suitable for her current position, but I’m sure a delicately nurtured female would never -”
“Would you care to see the cellar, sir?” asked Simms in his most ominous tones.
Pers asked for Harry/Ruth from Spooks:
Wild West
“Should I shoot him again, Harry?”
“Yes, why not? Always best to be sure about these things…”
Coffee Shop
He came in, as he did every Saturday morning (one black coffee and the Times crossword). She smiled at him, flustered by talk of the weather while she counted out his change - and wrote a cryptic clue on his receipt. He left his paper behind, the answer pencilled into the crossword, and she grinned: it was a date.
Shapeshifters
“Ruth, I know,” said Harry, in the privacy of his office. “It wasn’t all that hard to work out.”
Ruth closed her eyes and finally admitted her darkest secret: “All right, it’s true - I am the mole!”
Pirates
The fearsome Pirate Nancy* liked to think no ship on the four seas was safe from her. Captain Harry Pearce of His Majesty’s Navy liked to think otherwise. (He was wrong.)
*Because when (any) Ruth is a pirate, her name is Nancy, of course. ;-)
. . . In SPACE!!
It was a common joke amongst the crew of the SS Thames House that Captain Pearce was in love with the ship’s computer interface. It was only Technician Wynn-Jones who suspected it might not be a joke after all.
Born Another Gender
Harriet Pearce had always been obstinate and career-minded, fighting her way through years of prejudice both in the WRAC and later in Five. She was, she felt, a damn fine officer (despite being too often passed over for promotion) and so she would remain. This was more than could be said for the current ‘specialist’ she’d been lumbered with - an Oxford professor who was the only one familiar with the archaic language the latest terrorist used.
“You know, I always wanted to be a spy,” said Rupert Evershed, happily. “James Bond and all that.”
God, thought Harriet. It was going to be a long few days.
Schoolfic
“Mr Pearce,” said the librarian running after the Head of English. “I wanted a word with you - it’s about those books going missing from the library. I think I’ve solved the mystery!”
“Ah, yes,” said Harry Pearce. “Pupils again, I expect.”
Miss Evershed ushered him into the library. “No, no. Well, yes, obviously, but I’ve narrowed it down to two and I thought you could help me -”
“Why not?” said Harry.
Police/Firefighters
“Sir, wait,” Ruth said, the phone still in her hand.
Curious, Harry Pearce turned to face the receptionist.
“I’ve been mapping our calls - and I’m sure there’s a pattern to these fires,” said Ruth. “They aren’t random arson attacks - it’s the opening move in somebody’s strategy. It might sound odd, but you have to believe me.”
Strangely, he did.
Urban Fantasy
“Ruth,” said Harry, striding into the grid. “What is it this morning? Dirty bombs in Whitehall or demonic activity in Whitechapel?”
She passed him a file. “Neither. A rogue magician in Hounslow, but don’t worry, we’ve set Ros onto him.”
“Well, tell her not to bare her fangs this time…”
Regency
Society had long since given up Miss Evershed as a hopeless spinster. She was far too awkward and bookish to appeal to the gentlemen. Sir Harry Pearce had heard, however, that unlikely as it seemed, she possessed a keen mind with a knack for languages and codes - and he had a message recovered from a French agent to be deciphered. Whitehall had need of her services, and he was the man to ask for them.
dbskyler asked for Leela:
Wild West
“Savage,” said Doc Smith after their show was over, “how many times do I need to tell you not to throw the knives at the audience?”
“That man was going to shoot you!”
“Oh, well, that’s all right, then.”
Coffee Shop
“You will drink that cappuccino the Doctor made for you,” said Leela with a dangerous light in her eye, “or I will tip it over your head!”
“But it’s -” began the Castellan.
“It is exactly what you asked for,” said Leela firmly. “If you have now changed your mind that is your fault and not the Doctor’s and you may not have your money back!”
Shapeshifters
“You know,” said Smith to the wolf beside him, “I always get the feeling you enjoy this far too much.” He could have sworn the wolf grinned.
Pirates
“Avast there!” said Leela, Terror of the Ocean Waves, her cutlass at the throat of the captain of the ship she’d boarded. “You will give me your cargo and any treasure or I shall kill you!”
“I don’t have any,” said Andred. “You can check if you like. Er… sorry?”
Leela paused before making a quick recovery. “Very well, then,” she said, giving him a smile. “I shall take you!”
. . . In SPACE!!
Leela knew the ways of the warrior: she knew how to track wild creatures, which plants were helpful and which harmful, and how to fight, whether with her own hands or a knife. She did not like these metal boxes of ships, but, she thought as she settled into the seat, she was a warrior and if she must fight a war this way, she would do it well.
“You fought bravely,” she told her opponent as she fired the final shot towards them. “Die well, as you have lived.”
Schoolfic
“I do not like this school of yours,” said Leela to Sarah Jane, who was the only other pupil still talking to her. “The rules are silly and I have no wish to go to Coventry!”
Police/Firefighters
“This,” said Leela, brandishing her truncheon in disgust, “is a blunt weapon. Surely your guards have better arms than this?”
“Why?” Inspector Smith asked. “Not scared, are you?”
Leela made no further complaint.
Urban Fantasy
“You know what you must do,” said Leela, raising her head. “I have been bitten. It is over. You must destroy me before it is too late.”
Dr Smith shook his head. “Not so fast, my girl,” he said. “Nothing that a bit of fairy dust can’t cure - if we can get some in time...”
Regency
“My guardian, Doctor Smith, has explained to me that I have to be married to become a proper lady,” said Leela. “So I have decided I will marry you. If you wish,” she added, suddenly less certain. “You do like me, don’t you?”
Captain Andred didn’t have the heart to disagree.
evelyn_b asked for Roderick Alleyn:
Wild West
Sheriff Alleyn had been asked many a time what someone like him was doing in a place like this (or words to that effect), but he felt it was irrelevant to the fact that he was doing his job. After all, for a small town, it did seem to attract an unaccountable number of improbable crimes and someone had to deal with them…
Coffee Shop
She came in every other Wednesday, mostly to share a coffee with her friend, sometimes to sketch. She was an artist. Sometimes she still had charcoal smudges on her cheek. He had noticed - but how to approach her was the question. It was, he decided, all terribly awkward. One couldn’t - one simply couldn’t - resort to the old cliché of spilling her drink.
The problem was solved in the most unwelcome way possible, however, on the day one of the customers fell to the floor on drinking their coffee - poisoned!
Shapeshifters
“Well,” said Fox, mopping his brow midway through his explanation of how his name was, in fact, literal, “it’s inconvenient at times, but on the other hand it can be invaluable for picking up odd bits of information.” He paused. “I’d have thought you’d have been a bit more surprised, sir.”
Alleyn gave a small smile and raised an eyebrow. “Well, it does explain a great deal. Besides, you’re not the only one. There are more of us about than you might think.”
Pirates
Captain Alleyn of His Majesty’s Navy turned as his First Mate, Fox, came hurrying up to him.
“Pirates,” he said, slightly out of breath, “no doubt about it now, I’m afraid, sir.”
Alleyn nodded. “I see. Then ready the men - they will find they have made a mistake in tangling with us.”
. . . In SPACE!!
Detective Inspector Alleyn of the Intergalactic Police Force entered the cabin of the luxury space liner only to find that the murderer had claimed another victim. And how was the question, when the door had been locked and there was no sign of an obvious murder weapon in the room? And yet people did not stab themselves in the back by means unknown when committing suicide, not even if one switched off the artificial gravity. Alleyn sighed slightly. He had hoped for a quiet cruise this time around, but it was not to be.
Born Another Gender
Rose Alleyn had been expected to finish her debutante season with a suitable marriage if possible, not shock the world by unnecessarily joining the Women’s Police Force. And what for, one wondered: it wasn’t even proper police work…
Schoolfic
“I had you pegged for head boy for sure,” said Fox.
Rory looked at him and grinned, as he shook his head. “No, not me. Never quite the thing, old boy. Staff Prefect is more than enough for me.”
“Preparation for the diplomatic service, maybe?”
“Who knows?”
Urban Fantasy
“Sit down and tell me again,” said Inspector Alleyn. “As the corpse has unfortunately vanished, I trust your artist’s eye for detail will be of use. The victim had been bitten, you say?”
Troy nodded. “Badly. I - I think more like that of a vampire than a wolf or changeling. Neater.” She was shaken. She had heard people talk about these sorts of creatures, of course, but it was another matter to encounter one - and so violently. She hoped this Inspector knew his lore, although she disliked the inevitable end result - hunting down and killing anything so nearly-human, even if it had drained all the blood out of her artist’s model.
Regency
Alleyn had not expected his work for the Foreign Office to lead him into such complications: the network of French spies seemed to come uncomfortably close to the charming Miss Troy…
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