Not quite the WIP Meme
You never know what you'll find when you start opening old files. I didn't find unfinished fic in the first one I tried - I found something better worse... I apparently saved some more of those randomly generated ship fics from ages ago. And added in some Liz/Silver. I had to share. None of them reach the heights of randomly generated Avon/Servalan fic, but then, what could?
I seem to think that I saved this from the first lot, so I would have something to post in lieu of a Christmas story, being as I would be too ill to write one. I have no idea what I was thinking.
I Saw Vila Kissing Santa Claus
Leela woke up in the middle of the night. She was thirsty and so she decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, she couldn't wait to see her presents. There was one brave box that looked like a knife.
Then Leela noticed that Vila was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.
Leela thought that she would surprise Vila. Maybe even sneak up behind him and stab him on his deep face. That always made Vila skilful.
Leela crept innocently down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its technical lights, and the presents, heaped up wittily, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Vila. Kissing someone.
Leela was so angry, she picked up a spaceship from a table and threw it timidly in a bank vault.
They both looked around.
"Vila, you cowardly fish!" Leela yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Leela looked and then rubbed her knee and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Vila said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a brown kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Leela said fiercely. "If he was under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be violent."
That seemed reasonable. Leela went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever, like a flash of lightning. He made Leela's hand feel all grey.
"You see?" Vila said sneakily and Leela saw. So they had a threeway.
Everybody's presents were late.
***
There were extra Kennedy/Tilly ones, which I didn't share at the time, because they were all tragic and also,
jjpor, it is a ship that is WRONG. ;-p Still, Shakespeare Kennedy/Tilly really should be shared. I will hide it no longer.
Impatient Love
Tilly finished packing. Ever since Sergeant Kennedy, her own true love, had been lost at sea, Tilly had been lost.
There was nothing left for her anymore, nothing argued her, all was lonely. So today, Valentine's Day, she was going in the grounds of UNIT HQ to become a determined test tube.
Just then, there was a khaki knock at the door. Tilly opened it and stood there sadly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising her elbow.
When Tilly came to, Sergeant Kennedy was holding her back and looking stubborn. "My love," Sergeant Kennedy said crossly, "I'm sorry for the bossy shock. I've been shipwrecked on a cold island for the last ten years, living like a scalded cat. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my hair in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Tilly could hardly believe her Sergeant Kennedy had returned. "I will always love you, hair or no hair. Besides, you can cover it up with a tea."
They embraced stubbornly and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was brown
***
Tilly and Sergeant Kennedy
by William Shakespeare
Enter Tilly
Sergeant Kennedy appears above at a window
Tilly:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the tea, and Sergeant Kennedy is the mouse.
Arise, stubborn mouse, and argue the lonely alien gunge.
See, how he leans his back upon his hair!
O, that I were a glove upon that hair,
That I might touch that back!
Sergeant Kennedy:
O Tilly, Tilly! wherefore art thou Tilly?
What's in a name? That which we call an elbow
By any other name would smell as determined
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like a scalded cat"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove khaki.
Tilly:
Swain, by yonder lonely alien gunge I swear
That tips in the grounds of UNIT HQ the impatient test tube--
Sergeant Kennedy:
O, swear not by the alien gunge, the lost alien gunge,
That quietly changes in its cold orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise cold.
Sweet, bossy night! A thousand times bossy night!
Parting is such brown sorrow,
That I shall say bossy night till it be morrow.
Exit above
Tilly:
Sleep dwell upon thy back, peace in thy hair!
Would I were sleep and peace, so crossly to rest!
stubbornly will I to my stubborn elbow's cell,
Its help to argue, and my determined elbow to tell.
***
And then some Liz/Silver, which I think I must have put in when the idea was first mentioned, before I knew there would one day be actual fic. I think these achieve some sort of terrible height of OOC fluffy badfic. I'm almost tempted to post the middle one on ff.net under a pseudonym...
The Adventure Of The Cat
Silver and Liz were out for a sarcastic Valentine's walk in the laboratory. As they went, Liz rested her hand on Silver's hair. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so smug, Silver was filled with bright dread.
"Do you suppose it's technical here?" he asked smugly.
"You grey silly," Liz said, tickling Silver with her clock. "It's completely red."
Just then, a shiny cat leapt out from behind a test tube and kissed Liz in the hand. "Aaargh!" Liz screamed.
Things looked scientific. But Silver, although he was elemental, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a screwdriver and, like a shining web across time, beat the cat cleverly until it ran off. "That will teach you to kiss innocent people."
Then he clasped Liz close. Liz was bleeding brilliantly. "My darling," Silver said, and pressed his lips to Liz's arm.
"I love you," Liz said quietly, and expired in Silver's arms.
Silver never loved again
***
The Cat Princess
Silver was walking through an elemental meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a scientific little cat lying under a tree.
Silver skipped over to see the dear thing and was sarcastic to find that she was hurt! A clock had pierced her shiny little hand and she whimpered quickly with the pain.
"My smug little friend," Silver said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the clock, as cleverly as he could. The cat cried out and Silver's heart ached, like a shining web across time. "You'll be all right," Silver whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Liz and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Liz up in his arms, Silver carried her home and made a bed for her beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Silver nursed Liz, cleaning her hand and feeding her Test tube-brand cat chow.
On the eighth night, Liz climbed into bed with Silver. She burrowed under the covers and brilliantly kissed Silver's arm. It made Silver giggle and he cuddled close to Liz, stroking her hair and singing quietly to her.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Silver hurried home so he could curl up with Liz. It gave him a bright feeling whenever Liz kissed his arm.
Then one night, Liz looked up at Silver and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a red princess."
Silver screamed smugly, he was so surprised. How could a cat talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Liz said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Silver said and kissed Liz on her hair. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a red princess! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Princess Liz," she said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Silver said.
"See?" Liz said and showed Silver the scar from the clock on her hand. Then she kissed Silver and they tumbled in the laboratory and did a lot of very grey things, some of them involving a technical screwdriver.
"I love you," Liz said when they were done. Silver clasped her close and they lived together happily ever after on all the princess treasure Liz had stashed away.
And if Liz didn't know about Silver's visits to the cat sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt her
***
Cleverly Tripping
Silver tripped along brilliantly. He was on his way to meet his lover, Liz, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a cat hopping along, carrying a test tube in its mouth.
Silver was almost in the laboratory when he came across a scientific cake, lying alone on a bright plate. "That must be a treat from my shiny bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked grey, so he ate it.
It gave him the most red tingling sensation in his hand. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Liz.
When Liz came out to meet him, she took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Silver cried quietly.
"Your arm! And your hair!" Liz said. "They're sarcastic! Can't you feel it?"
Silver felt his arm and his hair. They were indeed quite sarcastic. "Oh, no!" Silver said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that scientific cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Liz said. "I got you a screwdriver. It must have been that smug man who lives nearby. He acts a little quickly, ever since he kissed a clock."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Silver sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Liz said smugly, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your arm is really technical like that."
"Really?" Silver dried her tears. Silver kissed Liz and it was an entirely elemental sensation, like a shining web across time.
They spent the night having entirely elemental sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Everything was rather awkward after that.
***
And now there's a file I can safely delete. ;-p
Crossposted from Dreamwidth -- Comments there:
I seem to think that I saved this from the first lot, so I would have something to post in lieu of a Christmas story, being as I would be too ill to write one. I have no idea what I was thinking.
I Saw Vila Kissing Santa Claus
Leela woke up in the middle of the night. She was thirsty and so she decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, she couldn't wait to see her presents. There was one brave box that looked like a knife.
Then Leela noticed that Vila was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.
Leela thought that she would surprise Vila. Maybe even sneak up behind him and stab him on his deep face. That always made Vila skilful.
Leela crept innocently down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its technical lights, and the presents, heaped up wittily, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Vila. Kissing someone.
Leela was so angry, she picked up a spaceship from a table and threw it timidly in a bank vault.
They both looked around.
"Vila, you cowardly fish!" Leela yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Leela looked and then rubbed her knee and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Vila said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a brown kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Leela said fiercely. "If he was under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be violent."
That seemed reasonable. Leela went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever, like a flash of lightning. He made Leela's hand feel all grey.
"You see?" Vila said sneakily and Leela saw. So they had a threeway.
Everybody's presents were late.
***
There were extra Kennedy/Tilly ones, which I didn't share at the time, because they were all tragic and also,
jjpor, it is a ship that is WRONG. ;-p Still, Shakespeare Kennedy/Tilly really should be shared. I will hide it no longer.
Impatient Love
Tilly finished packing. Ever since Sergeant Kennedy, her own true love, had been lost at sea, Tilly had been lost.
There was nothing left for her anymore, nothing argued her, all was lonely. So today, Valentine's Day, she was going in the grounds of UNIT HQ to become a determined test tube.
Just then, there was a khaki knock at the door. Tilly opened it and stood there sadly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising her elbow.
When Tilly came to, Sergeant Kennedy was holding her back and looking stubborn. "My love," Sergeant Kennedy said crossly, "I'm sorry for the bossy shock. I've been shipwrecked on a cold island for the last ten years, living like a scalded cat. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my hair in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Tilly could hardly believe her Sergeant Kennedy had returned. "I will always love you, hair or no hair. Besides, you can cover it up with a tea."
They embraced stubbornly and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was brown
***
Tilly and Sergeant Kennedy
by William Shakespeare
Enter Tilly
Sergeant Kennedy appears above at a window
Tilly:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the tea, and Sergeant Kennedy is the mouse.
Arise, stubborn mouse, and argue the lonely alien gunge.
See, how he leans his back upon his hair!
O, that I were a glove upon that hair,
That I might touch that back!
Sergeant Kennedy:
O Tilly, Tilly! wherefore art thou Tilly?
What's in a name? That which we call an elbow
By any other name would smell as determined
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like a scalded cat"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove khaki.
Tilly:
Swain, by yonder lonely alien gunge I swear
That tips in the grounds of UNIT HQ the impatient test tube--
Sergeant Kennedy:
O, swear not by the alien gunge, the lost alien gunge,
That quietly changes in its cold orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise cold.
Sweet, bossy night! A thousand times bossy night!
Parting is such brown sorrow,
That I shall say bossy night till it be morrow.
Exit above
Tilly:
Sleep dwell upon thy back, peace in thy hair!
Would I were sleep and peace, so crossly to rest!
stubbornly will I to my stubborn elbow's cell,
Its help to argue, and my determined elbow to tell.
***
And then some Liz/Silver, which I think I must have put in when the idea was first mentioned, before I knew there would one day be actual fic. I think these achieve some sort of terrible height of OOC fluffy badfic. I'm almost tempted to post the middle one on ff.net under a pseudonym...
The Adventure Of The Cat
Silver and Liz were out for a sarcastic Valentine's walk in the laboratory. As they went, Liz rested her hand on Silver's hair. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so smug, Silver was filled with bright dread.
"Do you suppose it's technical here?" he asked smugly.
"You grey silly," Liz said, tickling Silver with her clock. "It's completely red."
Just then, a shiny cat leapt out from behind a test tube and kissed Liz in the hand. "Aaargh!" Liz screamed.
Things looked scientific. But Silver, although he was elemental, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a screwdriver and, like a shining web across time, beat the cat cleverly until it ran off. "That will teach you to kiss innocent people."
Then he clasped Liz close. Liz was bleeding brilliantly. "My darling," Silver said, and pressed his lips to Liz's arm.
"I love you," Liz said quietly, and expired in Silver's arms.
Silver never loved again
***
The Cat Princess
Silver was walking through an elemental meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a scientific little cat lying under a tree.
Silver skipped over to see the dear thing and was sarcastic to find that she was hurt! A clock had pierced her shiny little hand and she whimpered quickly with the pain.
"My smug little friend," Silver said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the clock, as cleverly as he could. The cat cried out and Silver's heart ached, like a shining web across time. "You'll be all right," Silver whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Liz and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Liz up in his arms, Silver carried her home and made a bed for her beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Silver nursed Liz, cleaning her hand and feeding her Test tube-brand cat chow.
On the eighth night, Liz climbed into bed with Silver. She burrowed under the covers and brilliantly kissed Silver's arm. It made Silver giggle and he cuddled close to Liz, stroking her hair and singing quietly to her.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Silver hurried home so he could curl up with Liz. It gave him a bright feeling whenever Liz kissed his arm.
Then one night, Liz looked up at Silver and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a red princess."
Silver screamed smugly, he was so surprised. How could a cat talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Liz said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Silver said and kissed Liz on her hair. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a red princess! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Princess Liz," she said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Silver said.
"See?" Liz said and showed Silver the scar from the clock on her hand. Then she kissed Silver and they tumbled in the laboratory and did a lot of very grey things, some of them involving a technical screwdriver.
"I love you," Liz said when they were done. Silver clasped her close and they lived together happily ever after on all the princess treasure Liz had stashed away.
And if Liz didn't know about Silver's visits to the cat sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt her
***
Cleverly Tripping
Silver tripped along brilliantly. He was on his way to meet his lover, Liz, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a cat hopping along, carrying a test tube in its mouth.
Silver was almost in the laboratory when he came across a scientific cake, lying alone on a bright plate. "That must be a treat from my shiny bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked grey, so he ate it.
It gave him the most red tingling sensation in his hand. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Liz.
When Liz came out to meet him, she took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Silver cried quietly.
"Your arm! And your hair!" Liz said. "They're sarcastic! Can't you feel it?"
Silver felt his arm and his hair. They were indeed quite sarcastic. "Oh, no!" Silver said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that scientific cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Liz said. "I got you a screwdriver. It must have been that smug man who lives nearby. He acts a little quickly, ever since he kissed a clock."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Silver sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Liz said smugly, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your arm is really technical like that."
"Really?" Silver dried her tears. Silver kissed Liz and it was an entirely elemental sensation, like a shining web across time.
They spent the night having entirely elemental sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Everything was rather awkward after that.
***
And now there's a file I can safely delete. ;-p
Crossposted from Dreamwidth -- Comments there: