The Brittas Empire - Recs, Vid & Fic
I've spent the best part of the day reposting things, and collecting links and so on. So I decided to share, even if nobody else may be grateful... In this post, you will find Brittas Empire fic recs, a clip, and a bit of fic I would never write. Except I just did.
Never let me be anything other than obscure, so this is a Brittas Empire-related post. (A 1990s BBC sitcom starring Chris Barrie, better known as Arnold Rimmer from Red Dwarf, as the world's most annoying leisure centre manager. Its level of surreal, accidents, and rising body count was probably only ever matched by Red Dwarf among sitcoms of the time. And Tim and Gavin must have been one of Britain's first TV gay couples.)
Brittass's Spy by pickles112.
418 words. Brittas has decided to have Gavin spy on Tim...
(Not perfect, but absolutely captures in a ficlet the head!desk quality of Brittas's well-meaning wrong-headedness, and Laura's disaster-management approach.)
Your Gateway to a Stress Free Life by Doyle
1249 words. In which Carole goes crazy and Helen offers advice for dealing with Gordon and burning hammond organ tapes. (Warning for a throwaway line that suggests disturbing Brittas/Carole. Am I reading that bit wrong?)
And a confession: There's not acres of Brittas Empire fic about, but I have a guilty liking for Brittas/Laura. Except it can't cross much of a line before I remember how Wrong that is (she'd go insane or kill him, as would anyone, not to mention that he's married to Helen, and Laura is Helen's friend...) But, you know, you can find shippy fic for them that also involves a dead elk in the swimming pool, so I feel that justifies a lot:
Not That Sort Of Leisure by princesslauren
There's a dead elk, a power cut, a mobile phone, and an unexpected bit of romance. (Gordon/Laura).
If anyone's still reading without knowing what this is, try this clip (featuring Mr Brittas inviting Laura out for dinner with his usual charm, and Guy Siner as a hypnotist):
There's a Brittas Empire Website with screencaps, photos, quotes and interviews etc.
And then I thought, personally, the only way round the wanting to see the ship the show flirts with and being unable to bear actually reading/watching it would be something like this (which, of course, I would never write):
***
Less Than Ideal
Laura doesn't have much luck with men, and her latest idea isn't going to improve matters.
*
“Can I borrow him for a minute?” asked Laura, pointing at Rimmer.
Lister looked to see if anyone else was nearby instead. “Him? What would you want him for?”
“A word or two before you all leave,” said Laura, her mouth setting in a line that boded no good for Rimmer.
Lister shrugged. “Hey, Rimmer. You heard the lady.”
*
Laura led the man who looked exactly like Gordon Brittas (but with marginally better hair, and who was apparently a dead hologram from several million years in the future who was temporarily mislaid with the rest of his crew) into the office. She shut the door.
“If this is about Lister’s complete lack of hygiene and habit of wondering into the female changing rooms, I’ve spoken to him about him, but he won’t listen -.”
Laura faced him. “Look, I don’t know you, and you don’t know me. And from what I do know, you seem to be a weaselly git, and a coward.”
“Yes, everyone says that,” said Rimmer. “Rimmer, you’re a total git; a complete smeghead.”
She raised her eyebrows, but ploughed on. “However, here we both are, and you at least seem to have some intelligence, you actually hear what I say, and you can comprehend sarcasm.”
Rimmer coughed, but brightened. As far as conversations with genuine, live females went, this one wasn’t going badly. To tell the truth, when it came to conversations with attractive females who were human, alive and not a hallucination it was possibly the best he’d ever had.
“And this is a bad, bad idea, I know,” Laura continued. “I know. But the thing is, if I have this right, any minute now you’re going to run off a billion light years and a million years or so into the future, and I’m never going to see you again. So it’s not as if it’ll come back to haunt me. Other than the inevitable nightmares. Seems like the ideal chance to get it out of my system.”
“Ah,” said Rimmer, backing away a step or two, as he worked it out. She seemed sane, but clearly she was in fact crazy. That explained her talking to him, rather than storming out, or slapping him. “I think I heard someone calling -.”
Laura shut her eyes, took a deep breath, and said, “So, just, kiss me, okay?”
Rimmer resorted to coughing again, and his voice rose with every word: “Look, I may not be hearing this right: did you just say -?”
“Yes.”
“Me?”
“There’s no one else here,” said Laura. “So I thought, given that -.”
Rimmer folded his arms suddenly, snapping out of the shock enough to manage a brief smirk. “I don’t believe it. You fancy Mr Smarmy-pants, idealistic I-Have-A-Dream, accident-prone, moron. That’s what this is about!”
“Shut up,” said Laura. “No. And, by the way, don’t get the wrong idea here.” Then she grabbed him by the front of his tunic and kissed him
*
“So,” said Laura, eventually, getting her breath back. “That was that. That’s me cured, definitely. Absolutely.”
Rimmer had a dazed look on his face, staring blankly ahead.
“Er, Mr Rimmer?” said Laura, and then realised how stupid that sounded when speaking to a guy you’d just been fervently kissing, however little you knew him. “You okay?”
Rimmer blinked. “What? I mean, yes. Glad to be… er… of service.”
“So go,” said Laura. “Before I have any worse ideas, or you say anything more and spoil everything. Go. Now.”
Rimmer hesitated.
“This is the door,” said Laura, and opened it for him, with a smile. “Walk that way.”
Once he’d left, she sat down at the desk, and bit her lip, and thought for a bit.
“Damn,” she said, eventually.
***
Never let me be anything other than obscure, so this is a Brittas Empire-related post. (A 1990s BBC sitcom starring Chris Barrie, better known as Arnold Rimmer from Red Dwarf, as the world's most annoying leisure centre manager. Its level of surreal, accidents, and rising body count was probably only ever matched by Red Dwarf among sitcoms of the time. And Tim and Gavin must have been one of Britain's first TV gay couples.)
Brittass's Spy by pickles112.
418 words. Brittas has decided to have Gavin spy on Tim...
(Not perfect, but absolutely captures in a ficlet the head!desk quality of Brittas's well-meaning wrong-headedness, and Laura's disaster-management approach.)
Your Gateway to a Stress Free Life by Doyle
1249 words. In which Carole goes crazy and Helen offers advice for dealing with Gordon and burning hammond organ tapes. (Warning for a throwaway line that suggests disturbing Brittas/Carole. Am I reading that bit wrong?)
And a confession: There's not acres of Brittas Empire fic about, but I have a guilty liking for Brittas/Laura. Except it can't cross much of a line before I remember how Wrong that is (she'd go insane or kill him, as would anyone, not to mention that he's married to Helen, and Laura is Helen's friend...) But, you know, you can find shippy fic for them that also involves a dead elk in the swimming pool, so I feel that justifies a lot:
Not That Sort Of Leisure by princesslauren
There's a dead elk, a power cut, a mobile phone, and an unexpected bit of romance. (Gordon/Laura).
If anyone's still reading without knowing what this is, try this clip (featuring Mr Brittas inviting Laura out for dinner with his usual charm, and Guy Siner as a hypnotist):
Click to viewThere's a Brittas Empire Website with screencaps, photos, quotes and interviews etc.
And then I thought, personally, the only way round the wanting to see the ship the show flirts with and being unable to bear actually reading/watching it would be something like this (which, of course, I would never write):
***
Less Than Ideal
Laura doesn't have much luck with men, and her latest idea isn't going to improve matters.
*
“Can I borrow him for a minute?” asked Laura, pointing at Rimmer.
Lister looked to see if anyone else was nearby instead. “Him? What would you want him for?”
“A word or two before you all leave,” said Laura, her mouth setting in a line that boded no good for Rimmer.
Lister shrugged. “Hey, Rimmer. You heard the lady.”
*
Laura led the man who looked exactly like Gordon Brittas (but with marginally better hair, and who was apparently a dead hologram from several million years in the future who was temporarily mislaid with the rest of his crew) into the office. She shut the door.
“If this is about Lister’s complete lack of hygiene and habit of wondering into the female changing rooms, I’ve spoken to him about him, but he won’t listen -.”
Laura faced him. “Look, I don’t know you, and you don’t know me. And from what I do know, you seem to be a weaselly git, and a coward.”
“Yes, everyone says that,” said Rimmer. “Rimmer, you’re a total git; a complete smeghead.”
She raised her eyebrows, but ploughed on. “However, here we both are, and you at least seem to have some intelligence, you actually hear what I say, and you can comprehend sarcasm.”
Rimmer coughed, but brightened. As far as conversations with genuine, live females went, this one wasn’t going badly. To tell the truth, when it came to conversations with attractive females who were human, alive and not a hallucination it was possibly the best he’d ever had.
“And this is a bad, bad idea, I know,” Laura continued. “I know. But the thing is, if I have this right, any minute now you’re going to run off a billion light years and a million years or so into the future, and I’m never going to see you again. So it’s not as if it’ll come back to haunt me. Other than the inevitable nightmares. Seems like the ideal chance to get it out of my system.”
“Ah,” said Rimmer, backing away a step or two, as he worked it out. She seemed sane, but clearly she was in fact crazy. That explained her talking to him, rather than storming out, or slapping him. “I think I heard someone calling -.”
Laura shut her eyes, took a deep breath, and said, “So, just, kiss me, okay?”
Rimmer resorted to coughing again, and his voice rose with every word: “Look, I may not be hearing this right: did you just say -?”
“Yes.”
“Me?”
“There’s no one else here,” said Laura. “So I thought, given that -.”
Rimmer folded his arms suddenly, snapping out of the shock enough to manage a brief smirk. “I don’t believe it. You fancy Mr Smarmy-pants, idealistic I-Have-A-Dream, accident-prone, moron. That’s what this is about!”
“Shut up,” said Laura. “No. And, by the way, don’t get the wrong idea here.” Then she grabbed him by the front of his tunic and kissed him
*
“So,” said Laura, eventually, getting her breath back. “That was that. That’s me cured, definitely. Absolutely.”
Rimmer had a dazed look on his face, staring blankly ahead.
“Er, Mr Rimmer?” said Laura, and then realised how stupid that sounded when speaking to a guy you’d just been fervently kissing, however little you knew him. “You okay?”
Rimmer blinked. “What? I mean, yes. Glad to be… er… of service.”
“So go,” said Laura. “Before I have any worse ideas, or you say anything more and spoil everything. Go. Now.”
Rimmer hesitated.
“This is the door,” said Laura, and opened it for him, with a smile. “Walk that way.”
Once he’d left, she sat down at the desk, and bit her lip, and thought for a bit.
“Damn,” she said, eventually.
***