list of events
1.took mac jai to vet cuz he stupid got a milk plastic thing stuck between his paw. smartie pants. n i couldnt get it out without hurtin him so had to spend a bill at de vet. owellz, long as he's okies. itz juss i had to carry him TO and FROM the vet which was liek forever, even with TTC n he weight 22.2 pounds so ma arms musels are burning still. n this mornign, he oh so smartly bit off the bandages whihc me i spend 1/2 hr gettin one on him while he tried espcapeing. [kinda of pissy cuz i woke up late for ma group meetin b4 our bLaw confernence n mac sets me bak yet ANOTHER 1/2hr later]
2.dead tired. 3 consecitive nites not hvint had a proper sleep n barely slept on ma bed to rush papers n stuff so im so blank kinda. owellz, i wanted to be the bLaw leader, i didnt like how it was run a lil,. i liked de way i set it up first. ugh.
3.so i was late goin to uni n still needed to print out ma part in de conference. its 2:40 [class starts 2:30 but we're de 3rd group so i noe i got time tho im late] n there obviously are no comparts avaible in leanring commons cuz its packed full. so i tapped a guy n hopin to act cute, i got to use his com to print ma thing out xD. i went to get it onliee to find de onliee printer tat i choose was de way wiht paper jam. WTF. so i went bak to tap de guy again, luckiy i was smart enuff not to close ma work n he didnt wither n i finally got ma part printed. then went in front of classroom, riped de paper to que cards like n listened. heard ma "cue" [clappin] n i snuck in. perfect timein. we're goin after one more group whihc buys me time to chillax n re-read ma part first. =] yes!
4.while on bus,i started chatin with this older women of 40sumthing [she told me n she looks de part].told me she was in school n at first im like wow,school at tat age, i wont be able to manage den she told me [after i told her im in bus admin] she took hotel management durin her 20's for 3 yrs. quite impressed den asked her wa happened. said she had her daughter n spent the next 15 takin care of her. first im like yea, 15 yrs all big n stuff now, u dun hv to care tat muhc now until she told me she died of some werid very veyr unlucky diese she got wen she was a few months old from a needle she was allergic to n cuz her to be mentally disabled. i was stoned. i mean,this women clearly had a big furthre ahead of her, she onliee had 1yr more to go to gotten her cert i believe. but no, she got pregnet n it changed her lfie forever. she wasnt sad n was actaully very happie bout it but i dun htuink i coudl ever do suhc a thing. itz wa i try to adviod: baby ruinin me or i ruinin the baby. she didnt hv second child cuz she wouldnt b able to luv it as muhc as she should be n didnt want a unhappie child n her ex-husband thought the same [EX!!] she told me she went out wiht another guy for 7 yrs after the divouce n now juss wants to be alone. no child, not another forever. onliee other 7 siblings n their childerns she isnt even close with [she couldnt name the uni one goes to]. i was in shock, i dunno how she could live but i guess her focus was goin into nurshing now cuz her daughter's experience had changed her. i juss wouldnt b able to live like tat at all. im gonna make it big. be a big shot. nuffin will stop me,i will make sure of it. i refuse to live suhc unworthwhile life. where are the accomplishments? in a sesnse, im an overachiver here n it will onliee serve me well to b. i need the 'drive'. i cant be held down! so she made me contemplate for quite awhile... these days thigns seem quite ackward to b honest. sumthinz up, most def n sumthin happenin. i juss hvnt got to tat 'wa' yet. it will reveal itself soon tho
5.once again i felt 'de luv' n realzied i had learned to b de same. i hate it. luv isnt tat way. u cant buy luv but taz wa i'd been proven wrong repeatly over dis wk. i feel so drained n deprived of real luv. sumtimes i juss feel so hopeless i dun wanna care bout nethin nemore but tat wont do ne good. ma bunny due to this 'luv' now looks like he has werid cancer; so skinny, fur lost in parts, flesh seems to be eaten a lil. n ma mom never once told me n didnt do reallie nething. i cant belive it so im bring it to de vet tmr, i dun care how much, juss fix him. i'd told ma mom to fuck off de pets n i'd take care of them from now on. i noe she's hurt by it but i cant let this go on. u cant buy luv nor can u spend more time takin care of dead material things. so from now im, i will be feedin both, changin bunny bin, washin both, n taki both for walks b4 it get crazy cold. i dun want to see them like this. it reallie hurts, its liek they are in concentration camp. n it makes me feel shitty how i hvnt been carin much. but i will fix things now. hopefully im not too late.
2.dead tired. 3 consecitive nites not hvint had a proper sleep n barely slept on ma bed to rush papers n stuff so im so blank kinda. owellz, i wanted to be the bLaw leader, i didnt like how it was run a lil,. i liked de way i set it up first. ugh.
3.so i was late goin to uni n still needed to print out ma part in de conference. its 2:40 [class starts 2:30 but we're de 3rd group so i noe i got time tho im late] n there obviously are no comparts avaible in leanring commons cuz its packed full. so i tapped a guy n hopin to act cute, i got to use his com to print ma thing out xD. i went to get it onliee to find de onliee printer tat i choose was de way wiht paper jam. WTF. so i went bak to tap de guy again, luckiy i was smart enuff not to close ma work n he didnt wither n i finally got ma part printed. then went in front of classroom, riped de paper to que cards like n listened. heard ma "cue" [clappin] n i snuck in. perfect timein. we're goin after one more group whihc buys me time to chillax n re-read ma part first. =] yes!
4.while on bus,i started chatin with this older women of 40sumthing [she told me n she looks de part].told me she was in school n at first im like wow,school at tat age, i wont be able to manage den she told me [after i told her im in bus admin] she took hotel management durin her 20's for 3 yrs. quite impressed den asked her wa happened. said she had her daughter n spent the next 15 takin care of her. first im like yea, 15 yrs all big n stuff now, u dun hv to care tat muhc now until she told me she died of some werid very veyr unlucky diese she got wen she was a few months old from a needle she was allergic to n cuz her to be mentally disabled. i was stoned. i mean,this women clearly had a big furthre ahead of her, she onliee had 1yr more to go to gotten her cert i believe. but no, she got pregnet n it changed her lfie forever. she wasnt sad n was actaully very happie bout it but i dun htuink i coudl ever do suhc a thing. itz wa i try to adviod: baby ruinin me or i ruinin the baby. she didnt hv second child cuz she wouldnt b able to luv it as muhc as she should be n didnt want a unhappie child n her ex-husband thought the same [EX!!] she told me she went out wiht another guy for 7 yrs after the divouce n now juss wants to be alone. no child, not another forever. onliee other 7 siblings n their childerns she isnt even close with [she couldnt name the uni one goes to]. i was in shock, i dunno how she could live but i guess her focus was goin into nurshing now cuz her daughter's experience had changed her. i juss wouldnt b able to live like tat at all. im gonna make it big. be a big shot. nuffin will stop me,i will make sure of it. i refuse to live suhc unworthwhile life. where are the accomplishments? in a sesnse, im an overachiver here n it will onliee serve me well to b. i need the 'drive'. i cant be held down! so she made me contemplate for quite awhile... these days thigns seem quite ackward to b honest. sumthinz up, most def n sumthin happenin. i juss hvnt got to tat 'wa' yet. it will reveal itself soon tho
5.once again i felt 'de luv' n realzied i had learned to b de same. i hate it. luv isnt tat way. u cant buy luv but taz wa i'd been proven wrong repeatly over dis wk. i feel so drained n deprived of real luv. sumtimes i juss feel so hopeless i dun wanna care bout nethin nemore but tat wont do ne good. ma bunny due to this 'luv' now looks like he has werid cancer; so skinny, fur lost in parts, flesh seems to be eaten a lil. n ma mom never once told me n didnt do reallie nething. i cant belive it so im bring it to de vet tmr, i dun care how much, juss fix him. i'd told ma mom to fuck off de pets n i'd take care of them from now on. i noe she's hurt by it but i cant let this go on. u cant buy luv nor can u spend more time takin care of dead material things. so from now im, i will be feedin both, changin bunny bin, washin both, n taki both for walks b4 it get crazy cold. i dun want to see them like this. it reallie hurts, its liek they are in concentration camp. n it makes me feel shitty how i hvnt been carin much. but i will fix things now. hopefully im not too late.