bad night/morning
Well last night was not so good of a night. It was okay, but I'm as poor as poor people get. Sean told me to ask his mom to borrow $150 or so. And I just could bring myself to do it. He called her into the room with us, telling her that I needed to ask her a question, but I couldn't do it. I was terrified. I mean I never ask people for help, even when I know that I need it. He even told me that we would never get married if I didn't do it. I really wanted to, I was about to, but I couldn't do it for fear of rejection (I asked my gramma earlier and she said 'no') and looking bad. I wish my life was like other people's. Everyone else's parents buy them their cars, clothes, food, gas, phone bill etc.. I get stuck paying for EVERYTHING in my life. And I also take Sean out often and buy him stuff. I know that I should stop, but honestly what can you do now-a-days without paying for it? Going to the movies cost at least $20 everytime, just for tickets.
Onto a happier note since all of my entries have been BLAH lately, tonight is the conoeing trip. Which I am looking forward too. I have a feeling that this weekend will be great. I'll be with my Boo and friends, doing something that I have done a lot when I was younger with m dad. Now I get to do that with my Boo and new dad. I'm starting to feel like an actual family member with them. I've lost almost everyone in my family so I just have this feeling that I will lose this family too. Which is what probably what will happen anyways. Wow, for the life of me I can't write about anything happy at all, even when I try to. Gosh, my life sucks that much. I feel happy once in awhile, but I guess I may not be.
I was talking to Sean a few days ago, and I got to thinking that maybe I have a form of depression. Anyways, I am going to go get my book and read a little bit before I start packing for this weekend. Maybe the book will help me with my relationship problems, because that's what it is for. (The Seven Dumbest Relationship Mistakes Smart People Make) It seems like a very helpful book, so I will update about my weekend on Monday probably. Later everyone. Have a great Memorial Day Weekend!