(no subject)
I am looking at the sun barely filtering in through my blinds. It's rather serene. I'm still pretty tired, but I'm gaining strength back. I've been like the Energizer bunny for the past couple of days. I need to start living for real, with energy. These make-shift hours are strung together too hastily.
Last night was another one of Madeleine's parties. It could have gone better. In some ways, I wish I hadn't gone. It was good to see everyone, but not in this way. It's getting so old. No one can have fun anymore without drinking or smoking. I don't understand it.
I went unnoticed most of the time because I just didn't involve myself much. Everyone was doing their own thing. They shut themselves in several rooms. It was around 3:00 am. I contemplated going home several times. I left them to their doings and sat on the floor of Madeleine's bathroom for an hour just thinking about everything and nothing. Everything I looked at or heard or felt I wanted to write. I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked at the door and beyond the door at the wooden floors. It was all so tangible but fake at the same time. I wanted to speak out. I wanted to scream. I realized a lot about myself last night. I want to get out of this town. I want to get out of everything. I want to stop feeling mediocre and letting jealousy and greed get to me.
There are so many lies going around. It's going to break hearts and friendships with a domino effect.
Last night was another one of Madeleine's parties. It could have gone better. In some ways, I wish I hadn't gone. It was good to see everyone, but not in this way. It's getting so old. No one can have fun anymore without drinking or smoking. I don't understand it.
I went unnoticed most of the time because I just didn't involve myself much. Everyone was doing their own thing. They shut themselves in several rooms. It was around 3:00 am. I contemplated going home several times. I left them to their doings and sat on the floor of Madeleine's bathroom for an hour just thinking about everything and nothing. Everything I looked at or heard or felt I wanted to write. I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked at the door and beyond the door at the wooden floors. It was all so tangible but fake at the same time. I wanted to speak out. I wanted to scream. I realized a lot about myself last night. I want to get out of this town. I want to get out of everything. I want to stop feeling mediocre and letting jealousy and greed get to me.
There are so many lies going around. It's going to break hearts and friendships with a domino effect.