(no subject)
Oh my goodness, I think I'm losing my mind. I know I should eat something. I want to eat something. I just can't force myself to have anything more than 30 calories and no fat. I need real nutrition. But I want to have lost weight today. I know in my rational mind that it won't make a difference; one can't burn a pound of fat away in one fairly sedimentary day. I need to eat. But I don't want the waste in my intestines. I want to eat but I don't want to rack up the calories.
A didn't compliment my appearance once when I saw him. That's how I know I'm getting thin. He even told his father to stop complimenting me because my ego will blow up and I'll quit eating because "that's what I do." When it comes down to it, A is better for me than T. T doesn't really like me to eat; A will tell me what to eat and give me permission and even urge me to gain weight. I've just now lost the 20 lbs I gained for him. I didn't mind that weight, he still made me feel beautiful when it was there. But it was the "break-up diet" that really started all this again.
I'm just going to order whatever I want when I get food and that'll be that. I haven't eaten all day. I can afford as many calories as I can fit inside my stomach. I have to remind myself that I'm okay. I need to be reassured and told what to eat. This is so rough. Ugh, white girl problems...haha
A didn't compliment my appearance once when I saw him. That's how I know I'm getting thin. He even told his father to stop complimenting me because my ego will blow up and I'll quit eating because "that's what I do." When it comes down to it, A is better for me than T. T doesn't really like me to eat; A will tell me what to eat and give me permission and even urge me to gain weight. I've just now lost the 20 lbs I gained for him. I didn't mind that weight, he still made me feel beautiful when it was there. But it was the "break-up diet" that really started all this again.
I'm just going to order whatever I want when I get food and that'll be that. I haven't eaten all day. I can afford as many calories as I can fit inside my stomach. I have to remind myself that I'm okay. I need to be reassured and told what to eat. This is so rough. Ugh, white girl problems...haha