Home
I was home this weekend. That's the first time I think I've ever officially viewed it as my home, the first time it's actually felt like that. There is so much I miss about it. Much more than I expected. I'm back in my dorm now, and I love it here too...but it's not a part of me yet. I could leave it all. I'd be fine. Of course, I don't intend to and I don't want to, but there are parts of me that just want to stay in that house forever, wake up every morning in the sunshine and run the the beach, eat at st. germain or pipes, drive around and do nothing. It's so strange that I will never be making that turn on to camino de los coches again to show up early for a show I am working, for a game, for a tournament, for anything. The school isn't MINE anymore. That hurts in way more places than I expected it to. Going to the football game, dancing and playing with the band, I felt on top of the world again. I FIT. Walking around and hearing all the people talking, seeing the horrible types of people that go to LCC, I realize I don't miss high school really, but I miss something. I can't describe it though. Maybe I just did.
Seeing Alex and Erika and McKenna was AMAZING though, though HSM3 may have been a bad idea for many reasons. It was cute though. Skinny dipping is always fantastic, as are buying panties and reading cosmo, talking to Mattison forever at In n Out, just eating In n Out PERIOD and RICOS gah...and panera. Eating panera was fantastic. Other parts of panera..just...I dunno.
I don't see any possible motivation to lying about that...but he just doesn't act like it's true. For once I'm not going to sit on here and bitch about it though. I just wish I had some answers.
It's only nine but I think I may go to bed. My hair is dirty because I didn't wash it after the beach last night. I still don't want to wash it, which is gross, but it doesn't feel dirty, just salty. California-y.
I slept the entire plane flight here. I had a dream that the plane was crashing, and i made in my mind a letter I would write saying everything I needed to say to everyone I knew. It was really intense. I've decided that if I died now, of course there would be a lot I was sad I missed out on, but I think the thing I would be most depressed about would be not having the chance to create life and have a baby..I would NEVER expect myself to say that. But there it is.
I'm so excited to have my piano music and guitar with me. Yay.
Seeing Alex and Erika and McKenna was AMAZING though, though HSM3 may have been a bad idea for many reasons. It was cute though. Skinny dipping is always fantastic, as are buying panties and reading cosmo, talking to Mattison forever at In n Out, just eating In n Out PERIOD and RICOS gah...and panera. Eating panera was fantastic. Other parts of panera..just...I dunno.
I don't see any possible motivation to lying about that...but he just doesn't act like it's true. For once I'm not going to sit on here and bitch about it though. I just wish I had some answers.
It's only nine but I think I may go to bed. My hair is dirty because I didn't wash it after the beach last night. I still don't want to wash it, which is gross, but it doesn't feel dirty, just salty. California-y.
I slept the entire plane flight here. I had a dream that the plane was crashing, and i made in my mind a letter I would write saying everything I needed to say to everyone I knew. It was really intense. I've decided that if I died now, of course there would be a lot I was sad I missed out on, but I think the thing I would be most depressed about would be not having the chance to create life and have a baby..I would NEVER expect myself to say that. But there it is.
I'm so excited to have my piano music and guitar with me. Yay.