This I Wonder
I don't know...
Looking back at my using, I was pretty idiotic. I trusted all the wrong people. I did it to the extreme because I thought I needed the approval of others. I sold myself. I cheated. Using may not be the smartest option for me, but I'm 20. I was really nieve. I didn't know where I was going in life. I didn't want to go anywhere. I understood little & had very few experiences. Every now & again, I'd like to have a drink or pop a pill, just for the hell of it. To have a good time. To get lost.
Everyone acts like it's the worst thing in the world in NA to relapse & come back a couple days later, then drink, then nothing for months. They get all superficially sad that you relapsed & say "what happened?" though no one truly cares. Sometimes. But not the entire room.
I don't think God wants me to get stoned all the time, but I don't think it's such a God-awful thing either.
It's safer to not do anything.
I just won't do anything.
Maybe.
Maybe once.
Who knows?
I dunno yet.
Looking back at my using, I was pretty idiotic. I trusted all the wrong people. I did it to the extreme because I thought I needed the approval of others. I sold myself. I cheated. Using may not be the smartest option for me, but I'm 20. I was really nieve. I didn't know where I was going in life. I didn't want to go anywhere. I understood little & had very few experiences. Every now & again, I'd like to have a drink or pop a pill, just for the hell of it. To have a good time. To get lost.
Everyone acts like it's the worst thing in the world in NA to relapse & come back a couple days later, then drink, then nothing for months. They get all superficially sad that you relapsed & say "what happened?" though no one truly cares. Sometimes. But not the entire room.
I don't think God wants me to get stoned all the time, but I don't think it's such a God-awful thing either.
It's safer to not do anything.
I just won't do anything.
Maybe.
Maybe once.
Who knows?
I dunno yet.