~Profound Revelation~
I APPOLOGIZE TO ALL THE FRIENDS HERE I'VE SHUNNED ON LJ - I'VE BEEN A BIG BITCH BY LETTING YOU ALL GO SO EASILY WHEN NONE OF YOU WERE EVER SHORT ON BEING KIND AND WONDERFUL TO ME
As for me, well life for me has completely changed. I've burried a part of me I recently discovered & found another, brighter side to things. So much has been happening. I wouldn't even know where to begin...
Let's start family, since it's familiar:
My mom & I never got close like we said we would. In fact, we remained adrift from one another and the distance only grew. I found a group of great friends that took me under their wing after my mom kicked me out. Like, we hadn't even really been fighting in the last month or so there. She was complaining about driving me places, but I always gave her gas money, even though half the time she refused it. I started coming home drunk here & there or stoned, but mom & Eddy were being real cool about it & we weren't even fighting as much! I think that's what got to me the most...
Anyhow, one night I didn't call, didn't show & she showed up enraged the next morning at my friend's house (which is where I'm living now). & (train of thought lost... heh) But, the situation sucked. I put my friend's mom in a tough spot & my mom called my dad up crying & when I went up there the next day, which was Saturday & he told me mom wanted me out of the house by Monday. Mind you, I had finally got my mom to agree to let me move out in January, so kicking me out first couple weeks of December seemed rediculous, but we both wanted it.
But, I'm living with my dear friend Pip now & his family. I'm renting out the back room. It's nice as hell. They're good people & I pay $425 a month, which includes laundry, water, & a pool & more than half the time food. It's this big beautiful house & life has really taken a turn for the better, though with this funk i just got out of, I couldn't see that.
I've met a few key people in my life: Angel, Anthony, Chris, Bubba, Puck, Rickey & Ruby (she's the MOST BEAUTIFUL pit/pointer mix OMG! I'm in love with her lol) Wish I could call a few others friends, but I've pushed away the ones I've had even, so chances of that happening were slim to none. They're all amazing and unique & WoW (which I've started playing lol But, no worries, I'm not a gamer yet... However, inticed mwa haha). I HaD a thing going on with Bubba for a little while that I got caught up. I was a little fish trapped in a big net, but I'm coming to. He actually just packed up & moved with his girlfriend, which is disheartening, but awfully romantic & sincere. I can only hope she's as sincere & true to him.
Lately, I've been alright, though. Like I've said, I'm coming around. Pip & I have gotten real close now that I'm living here. I like him, but he reminds me of all my exes, which makes it difficult for me to consider him. I mean, if I at least humor him when he wants to be affectionate, then obviously there's something there, especially if I find myself wanting it, too at times. My heart wants it, but my head is smarter than that. Love is all nice, & I do love him, but sometimes it takes more than that.
& there's now another guy in the picture. His name's Richard. I think Fate brought him to me, though of Her purpose, I know not. Like, the way we met:
I stayed at my dad's over the weekend & was supposed to go home Sunday with my cousin & his folks, but wound up going back to their house so we could chill longer. (By the way: Go Giants! I had to root for them or my entire family would burn me at the stake) My dad drove me to the train station cause my aunt & uncle live in the same area. & when I got to my stop I saw this OMG unbelievably gorgeous guy - okay? lol & he asked me for a cigarette, but then the bus came so we got on the bus & I went out on a limb & wrote my number on my ticket & pulled out two more ciagarettes & gave them to him. Went back to my seat & I felt so good! lol It seemed natural & I put on my head set & read my book Everything You Know Is Wrong (if you know about that, you know more about me hehe) & by the time I looked up I was at the train station again, so apparently I'd got on the wrong bus, right number lol I didn't have to get off, it took me where I needed to be inevitably, but still... lol
& apparently he'd been hung over & that's why he took a later train & also why he hadn't asked for my number. =)~ Sh*weedt
Well, next day me, him, John (yeah Ramos), & his girl Sam, who I'll talk more of to come, went to the beach & me & him took a walk on the beach & just talked & then it started to rain, so we sat at the benches & then we all went to Denny's. We had a really good time, actually. He's the sweetest & a real person... lol
& let's just say I'm pissed at John. Sam's a good friend of mine & he's NOT making her happy & he's being a total dick & he's taking advantage of her & if he'd pick up his goddamn phone for me anymore I'd say it to his goddamn face! He needs to WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!
Sorry, got a little crazy lol But, seriously, it heats me up inside cause me & her were getting close & then second day he got out of Rehab he took her away from me, pretty much. She's one of those people that clings to whoever's closet, so when John became her boyfriend, he took that to his advantage & left me behind. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate him, but I am furious. *Raging thoughts* mmmmm.... Nope, nope... ha ha
Anyh(.)(.)ters - ADHD much? lol
Back to Richard. He's an amazing guy & everything between us is so chance, but it works. He fits into my life right now & it's a little scarry finding myself wanting it, too. Not anything serious. We've talked & he understands we're gonna take it slow. I'm more excited than anything, but I'm not gonna get caught up in this one. He's got a 6 month old, anyways & he lives in a halfway house at the moment, but I'm gonna try to help him find an apartment. I hope he doesn't ask me to move in with him, cause I would be so against that if I intend to lead my life the way I want it.
Which, as of lately & most profoundly, is to travel. I'd like to save up money to get a car & then save up money to pick up and explore the U.S. & then find somewhere I love & call it home & if I don't find anywhere that takes me as much as Florida, then I suppose I'll come back. I'm falling for the people here once more, but it's good. =)~ & Richard wants the same thing. I kinda wanna call him Dick now. lmao Just some funny thought process.
Anyways, we'll see. I'm not gonna make plans for my life with him, but I seem to fit his, too. He's alot like me, as to say, we have alot in common, but we're both striving for something better. He's even gonna take me to an NA meeting =) I'm actually excited about going.
& we'll be going to Ren*Fest - though I'm sooo going with Pip first cause, I mean, please. We've been friends way longer compared to a week, ya know? So yeeeaaah.. Plus a few people I know are gonna be volunteering. If they're in character I'll play along. That'd be awesome. & hopefully I'll run into Sabrina. I kinda really want to. lol
He's there now, actually. Not sure who else is. Angel, I'm sure. But... I dano... No relevance.
As for the old crew: Andrea's found herself in a pickle, but she likes it & she seems happy. We've started talking again. We had a final blowout, but she came around, so I came around & now we're talking again. I actually just got a call from her yesterday while I was at Taco Hell with Nikki & Marwinn. It's the first time I've heard her voice in MONTHS & I've never heard her this excited or this happy. She seems like she's really straightening herself up & she's extatic. The Fuzz is still living down here. I haven't really gotten to talk to him. Tried a couple times, cause that's my boii yo. lol Besides, I dunno what crowd he runs in now or if there even is a crowd. I dunno how he's doing, nothing. All I can do is hope he's more than "alright".
I've been chillin with Nikki a few times now. We're getting closer. We played DDR the other night. She's a success story if any dudes - for real. She's got her life in order & she's doing amazingly. Big bonus is she lives close by.
I don't talk to Danny anymore. Aparently he moved. I knew he was going to. We lost touch. I became a bitch. It was mainly my fault. I wish him prosperity & peace for his mom. Me & her had this really nice conversation that really impacted me. & my heart goes out to her, at the same time. Dan was a real good friend of mine & I think it's only because we never took it farther. We were always just good friends. I had a crush on him & that's probably what ruined our friendship, but as time went on, I realized I was looking to fill a void & it's not that I don't like Danny, cause I do. I like him as a person, but I wanted to see him as more than that cause we were both alone & I care for him, too. But, I'm glad it didn't cause it would've been fucked up on my behalf in consideration for Nikki, even though at that time we weren't talking.
But, now that we are I'm extatic!! =) She's becoming a real good influence on me, I must say.
I talked to Joe a few weeks ago. He gave me his cell & we're gonna talk here & there & play catch up. It'd probably be weird if we tried hanging out right now. But, he seems to be doing alot better. His girlie is making him a happy man & for that: Love ya Baby! lol Even though she is like the world's coolest chick anyway. lol
& Josh - he's pretty much forgotten in my mind.
I have, however, been talking to my Gracie*Lu again!! =) Her life's been jumping around from extreme happy to extreme sad, much like mine. But, we're always able to be there for one another. Me & her have never been sad at the same time. It's strange, but that's how entire relationship has been. & I've been really happy lately & she's been needing me much like I've been needing her the past few weeks, but she's been there for me & I finally took her advise lol & go figure: I'm happier. She's an amazing friend. I dunno what I'd do if we ever lost touch again. I'd just about die.
But, yeah, on a MUCH lighter note than the morbid topic of death: I went & visited her mom with Sam the other day. We helped her out with some boxes & chatted up a storm. She seems to be doing okay. & I'm here if she needs anything, ya know?
Other than that, I'm supposed to be looking for a job, but Richie posted a comment & I just couldn't resist. lol I forgot how much LJ meant to me.
Hopefully I'll hear from some of my favorite people & I'll be back soon to update...
Been thinking of you alot lately, JemJem - I hope you're okay.
~Alex~
As for me, well life for me has completely changed. I've burried a part of me I recently discovered & found another, brighter side to things. So much has been happening. I wouldn't even know where to begin...
Let's start family, since it's familiar:
My mom & I never got close like we said we would. In fact, we remained adrift from one another and the distance only grew. I found a group of great friends that took me under their wing after my mom kicked me out. Like, we hadn't even really been fighting in the last month or so there. She was complaining about driving me places, but I always gave her gas money, even though half the time she refused it. I started coming home drunk here & there or stoned, but mom & Eddy were being real cool about it & we weren't even fighting as much! I think that's what got to me the most...
Anyhow, one night I didn't call, didn't show & she showed up enraged the next morning at my friend's house (which is where I'm living now). & (train of thought lost... heh) But, the situation sucked. I put my friend's mom in a tough spot & my mom called my dad up crying & when I went up there the next day, which was Saturday & he told me mom wanted me out of the house by Monday. Mind you, I had finally got my mom to agree to let me move out in January, so kicking me out first couple weeks of December seemed rediculous, but we both wanted it.
But, I'm living with my dear friend Pip now & his family. I'm renting out the back room. It's nice as hell. They're good people & I pay $425 a month, which includes laundry, water, & a pool & more than half the time food. It's this big beautiful house & life has really taken a turn for the better, though with this funk i just got out of, I couldn't see that.
I've met a few key people in my life: Angel, Anthony, Chris, Bubba, Puck, Rickey & Ruby (she's the MOST BEAUTIFUL pit/pointer mix OMG! I'm in love with her lol) Wish I could call a few others friends, but I've pushed away the ones I've had even, so chances of that happening were slim to none. They're all amazing and unique & WoW (which I've started playing lol But, no worries, I'm not a gamer yet... However, inticed mwa haha). I HaD a thing going on with Bubba for a little while that I got caught up. I was a little fish trapped in a big net, but I'm coming to. He actually just packed up & moved with his girlfriend, which is disheartening, but awfully romantic & sincere. I can only hope she's as sincere & true to him.
Lately, I've been alright, though. Like I've said, I'm coming around. Pip & I have gotten real close now that I'm living here. I like him, but he reminds me of all my exes, which makes it difficult for me to consider him. I mean, if I at least humor him when he wants to be affectionate, then obviously there's something there, especially if I find myself wanting it, too at times. My heart wants it, but my head is smarter than that. Love is all nice, & I do love him, but sometimes it takes more than that.
& there's now another guy in the picture. His name's Richard. I think Fate brought him to me, though of Her purpose, I know not. Like, the way we met:
I stayed at my dad's over the weekend & was supposed to go home Sunday with my cousin & his folks, but wound up going back to their house so we could chill longer. (By the way: Go Giants! I had to root for them or my entire family would burn me at the stake) My dad drove me to the train station cause my aunt & uncle live in the same area. & when I got to my stop I saw this OMG unbelievably gorgeous guy - okay? lol & he asked me for a cigarette, but then the bus came so we got on the bus & I went out on a limb & wrote my number on my ticket & pulled out two more ciagarettes & gave them to him. Went back to my seat & I felt so good! lol It seemed natural & I put on my head set & read my book Everything You Know Is Wrong (if you know about that, you know more about me hehe) & by the time I looked up I was at the train station again, so apparently I'd got on the wrong bus, right number lol I didn't have to get off, it took me where I needed to be inevitably, but still... lol
& apparently he'd been hung over & that's why he took a later train & also why he hadn't asked for my number. =)~ Sh*weedt
Well, next day me, him, John (yeah Ramos), & his girl Sam, who I'll talk more of to come, went to the beach & me & him took a walk on the beach & just talked & then it started to rain, so we sat at the benches & then we all went to Denny's. We had a really good time, actually. He's the sweetest & a real person... lol
& let's just say I'm pissed at John. Sam's a good friend of mine & he's NOT making her happy & he's being a total dick & he's taking advantage of her & if he'd pick up his goddamn phone for me anymore I'd say it to his goddamn face! He needs to WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!
Sorry, got a little crazy lol But, seriously, it heats me up inside cause me & her were getting close & then second day he got out of Rehab he took her away from me, pretty much. She's one of those people that clings to whoever's closet, so when John became her boyfriend, he took that to his advantage & left me behind. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate him, but I am furious. *Raging thoughts* mmmmm.... Nope, nope... ha ha
Anyh(.)(.)ters - ADHD much? lol
Back to Richard. He's an amazing guy & everything between us is so chance, but it works. He fits into my life right now & it's a little scarry finding myself wanting it, too. Not anything serious. We've talked & he understands we're gonna take it slow. I'm more excited than anything, but I'm not gonna get caught up in this one. He's got a 6 month old, anyways & he lives in a halfway house at the moment, but I'm gonna try to help him find an apartment. I hope he doesn't ask me to move in with him, cause I would be so against that if I intend to lead my life the way I want it.
Which, as of lately & most profoundly, is to travel. I'd like to save up money to get a car & then save up money to pick up and explore the U.S. & then find somewhere I love & call it home & if I don't find anywhere that takes me as much as Florida, then I suppose I'll come back. I'm falling for the people here once more, but it's good. =)~ & Richard wants the same thing. I kinda wanna call him Dick now. lmao Just some funny thought process.
Anyways, we'll see. I'm not gonna make plans for my life with him, but I seem to fit his, too. He's alot like me, as to say, we have alot in common, but we're both striving for something better. He's even gonna take me to an NA meeting =) I'm actually excited about going.
& we'll be going to Ren*Fest - though I'm sooo going with Pip first cause, I mean, please. We've been friends way longer compared to a week, ya know? So yeeeaaah.. Plus a few people I know are gonna be volunteering. If they're in character I'll play along. That'd be awesome. & hopefully I'll run into Sabrina. I kinda really want to. lol
He's there now, actually. Not sure who else is. Angel, I'm sure. But... I dano... No relevance.
As for the old crew: Andrea's found herself in a pickle, but she likes it & she seems happy. We've started talking again. We had a final blowout, but she came around, so I came around & now we're talking again. I actually just got a call from her yesterday while I was at Taco Hell with Nikki & Marwinn. It's the first time I've heard her voice in MONTHS & I've never heard her this excited or this happy. She seems like she's really straightening herself up & she's extatic. The Fuzz is still living down here. I haven't really gotten to talk to him. Tried a couple times, cause that's my boii yo. lol Besides, I dunno what crowd he runs in now or if there even is a crowd. I dunno how he's doing, nothing. All I can do is hope he's more than "alright".
I've been chillin with Nikki a few times now. We're getting closer. We played DDR the other night. She's a success story if any dudes - for real. She's got her life in order & she's doing amazingly. Big bonus is she lives close by.
I don't talk to Danny anymore. Aparently he moved. I knew he was going to. We lost touch. I became a bitch. It was mainly my fault. I wish him prosperity & peace for his mom. Me & her had this really nice conversation that really impacted me. & my heart goes out to her, at the same time. Dan was a real good friend of mine & I think it's only because we never took it farther. We were always just good friends. I had a crush on him & that's probably what ruined our friendship, but as time went on, I realized I was looking to fill a void & it's not that I don't like Danny, cause I do. I like him as a person, but I wanted to see him as more than that cause we were both alone & I care for him, too. But, I'm glad it didn't cause it would've been fucked up on my behalf in consideration for Nikki, even though at that time we weren't talking.
But, now that we are I'm extatic!! =) She's becoming a real good influence on me, I must say.
I talked to Joe a few weeks ago. He gave me his cell & we're gonna talk here & there & play catch up. It'd probably be weird if we tried hanging out right now. But, he seems to be doing alot better. His girlie is making him a happy man & for that: Love ya Baby! lol Even though she is like the world's coolest chick anyway. lol
& Josh - he's pretty much forgotten in my mind.
I have, however, been talking to my Gracie*Lu again!! =) Her life's been jumping around from extreme happy to extreme sad, much like mine. But, we're always able to be there for one another. Me & her have never been sad at the same time. It's strange, but that's how entire relationship has been. & I've been really happy lately & she's been needing me much like I've been needing her the past few weeks, but she's been there for me & I finally took her advise lol & go figure: I'm happier. She's an amazing friend. I dunno what I'd do if we ever lost touch again. I'd just about die.
But, yeah, on a MUCH lighter note than the morbid topic of death: I went & visited her mom with Sam the other day. We helped her out with some boxes & chatted up a storm. She seems to be doing okay. & I'm here if she needs anything, ya know?
Other than that, I'm supposed to be looking for a job, but Richie posted a comment & I just couldn't resist. lol I forgot how much LJ meant to me.
Hopefully I'll hear from some of my favorite people & I'll be back soon to update...
Been thinking of you alot lately, JemJem - I hope you're okay.
~Alex~