RP for iamwinchester and prettyboyangel

[lost_myshoe]

It had been a long day. If Sam believed the clock on the wall, and he guess he had to, it had only been a few hours ago that he and his brother had been questioning locals about the strange goings on at the warehouse on the edge of town. It was hard to believe, in that short time, they had come so close to a second run in with Zachariah and his

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[iamwinchester]

Dean could still feel the guilt clawing at his insides. He felt stupid too. Real fucking stupid for almost handing Cas, his friend, over to the angels who were setting up their own little garrison in the warehouse he and Sam had been intending to check out. Turned out they figured out too late just what they were headed toward, and it was only because he'd already told Cas to meet them there that he sped up and didn't turn back. Usually he'd avoid contact with angels as much as he possibly could - they only wanted him for one thing, and unfortunately it wasn't the fun kind of one thing

[prettyboyangel]

"You should go with your brother," Castiel finally spoke, though his eyes were focussed on the far wall rather than either of the Winchester brothers. He was not ready to move on just yet, after all, needed some time to sort out his own mind after having come so close to losing his fight for freedom.

"I can remain here, if you wish."

[iamwinchester]

Dean fought the urge to roll his eyes, whatever he was trying to achieve here being undone by the angel's words. He cleared his throat again and shook his head once at Sam, figured since he wasn't answering questions his brother understood there was a reason he wanted to stay behind.

"No. Really. Sam knows what happens if he ruins my car when I'm not there." It was a really bad attempt at diverting the conversation elsewhere. "Call me when you get there."

[lost_myshoe]

"Uh..." Sam stood stupidly in the doorway for a moment, before nodding. "Yeah, okay." He forced himself not to check Dean was sure, or ask if anything was up. He knew his brother well enough to know that yes, something was up, and also that he had no intention of sharing right now. He'd ask later, maybe, or not at all. These days things tended to go unsaid a hell of a lot of the time.

"Be careful, yeah?" He offered instead, in way of a farewell, before slinging his bag over his shoulder and leaving the room without looking back.

[iamwinchester]

Dean closed the door after his brother and didn't make any sort of move to turn around again for what could have been minutes. Now that Sam had left, he knew it was all on him. The guilt was still burning hot in his chest when he finally turned around and stood awkwardly at the door, eyes finally fixing on Cas.

"You okay?" It was probably the dumbest thing he'd asked in a long time, but he didn't know how else to start.

[prettyboyangel]

"Yes, thank you," Castiel answered simply, his lack of words speaking far more than if his answer had been truthful. All his guards were back up, guards that had slowly been slipping in front of Dean.

And still, he refused to look at the man.

[iamwinchester]

Dean scoffed at that and actually looked offended that Cas thought he could get away with a shitty answer like that. He didn't pay any attention to the fact he did it all the damn time. He was fucked up like that. But Cas? Cas was supposed to be the guy who didn't lie to him.

"No you're not." He still hadn't moved away from the door, but his eyes hadn't left Cas, either, still fixed intently on his angel friend.

[prettyboyangel]

Finally turning his attention away from the wall, Castiel looked up into Dean's face.

"Do not concern yourself with me, Dean," he stated. "My burdens are my own to bear."

[iamwinchester]

Dean nodded slowly, as if processing the words through his head, licked his lips because he knew what was coming out of his mouth next was going to change things. He needed to say it, though.

"No. They're not. 'specially when it was my frigging fault in the first place." He finally moved away from the door and stopped a few paces off where Cas was sitting, forced himself to keep his eyes trained on the angel. If he was going to apologise, he was doing it properly.

[prettyboyangel]

Castiel's face dropped as he realised this was something that was going to have to be spoken about. What had happened in the warehouse, just how close he had come to losing everything... he did not want to be thinking about it, right now, never mind discussing it with Dean.

"It was not your fault," he said quietly, breaking away from Dean's gaze and returning to staring at the wall. "You did not know what would happen."

[iamwinchester]

Dean frowned at the way Cas's face dropped, and then more at the fact the angel couldn't keep eye contact. He'd messed up bad, and he frowned harder as he stepped closer, not stopping until he was standing a step away, placing himself between Cas's line of sight and the wall.

"Doesn't matter. I fucked up, Cas. It was my fault." They were still in this strange place where they didn't talk about what happened, and they definitely didn't spend any length of time in the same room together alone. But Dean was a better man than just leaving the guy when he'd almost been taken. Again.

"I'm sorry."

[prettyboyangel]

"You were not to know," Castiel repeated. "You asked for my help, and I willingly offered it. I bear no feelings of ill-will towards you, Dean." The angel forced himself to look up, then, and catch Dean's eye again.

"We are both still here, and for that we should be thankful."

[iamwinchester]

Dean still wasn't satisfied, eyebrows knitting together tighter in the middle of his forehead as he looked down at Cas, returned his gaze with a glance made up purely of guilt and worry.

"Doesn't make me any less sorry."

[prettyboyangel]

"You should go," Castiel gave as a response, still trying to pull away from Dean's gaze. "You should be with your brother."

Because that was how things were. Dean stayed with Sam, cared for him, loved him. Castiel was no part of that. He had made his decision to leave his own family, and the crushing loneliness that came with it.

[iamwinchester]

"Sam doesn't need me to hold his hands to go to Bobby's." Dean replied instantly, and though somewhere in the back of his head there still were issues between him and his brother, right now things were mostly going okay between them. He wasn't going to rock that boat by bringing shit up that didn't need to be said - he wasn't that guy.

Now, though? He could see something wasn't right with Cas. And whether it was trying to rid himself of the extra guilt he was now carrying, or whether something had changed between the two of them again, he still had no intention of leaving Cas alone.

"No, man. I'm not leaving."

[prettyboyangel]

Nodding dumbly, Castiel rested his hands gently on his knees and looked down instead. He did not know what else he could, or should, say, didn't particularly feel like talking anyway.

He supposed he should go, if Dean was adamant on staying, knowing he was no longer needed. But despite not wanting to talk, it didn't mean he didn't want company. Half of him actually wanted to stay sat on that bed, even if it was in silence.