(no subject)
I'm crying so hard inside. I hate this. I hate not being cared about, I hate not being missed. I hate hurting so hard inside for losing this girl as a friend and my heart aching when she walks by me in the locker hall and is just so blind to everything except... well I guess whatever it is that she cares about now, because it certainly isn't me. It hurts soo much I can't even explain it. To not be missed, to not be cared about and to be lied to. "If I didn't care I wouldn't have come over!" Well, if you cared you wouldn't ignore me and act like I don't exist. I'm so sick of this stupid life I'm living. I can't wait until I leave this God awful place. I'm moving around this time next year and I can't wait until I do so. I'll be gone, and I can forget about all the hurt in my heart and I can start a new life, with new "friends" and a new place to live and a new life all together. I'm tired of being in pain and having to hide it because if I don't, Mr. McQueary will call me out of class to tell me I'm a negative influence on he school... Ya, that happened yesterday. I was told that I was a negative influence on the school and first period got yelled at by Mrs. Guzman because she locked the camera in her office and I couldn't charge the battery, so it ran out in the middle of taking pictures for Charley's Aunt. Then third period I was disregarded, once again. But what else is new right? Either I'm out of dress code, I have the wrong shoes on or I'm wearing a beanie. No one else gets in trouble for flip-flops Just me... well that's probly not true, but I get in trouble and then I see like three other people walk right by while I'm getting yelled at and they're wearing flip-flops. *sigh* I'm really not trying to feel sorry for myself, honestly, I'm just super hurting right now. I don't know what to do. I'm so alone. Soo alone. I feel like I have no purpose anymore. I want to move to hawaii and study the ocean and then drow in its salty goodness.
Last night I tried to practice apply for UHM and the application was all twisted. I odn't know. I'm not going to prom. I odn't want to and I can't afford it. So Chris is flying up and we're going to Marine World for the day. Then we're probly going to the beach that night. I wish we could spend the night there... but I don't think that will happen. I'm not in the mood to get arrested. Anyway. This is probly my last entry on this journal. My new one is to be anounced. Since my bro decided to burn my privacy, I can't use this journal anymore. So ya...
Last night I tried to practice apply for UHM and the application was all twisted. I odn't know. I'm not going to prom. I odn't want to and I can't afford it. So Chris is flying up and we're going to Marine World for the day. Then we're probly going to the beach that night. I wish we could spend the night there... but I don't think that will happen. I'm not in the mood to get arrested. Anyway. This is probly my last entry on this journal. My new one is to be anounced. Since my bro decided to burn my privacy, I can't use this journal anymore. So ya...