sophomore year all over again.
Last year the hardest year for me yet. I went through a lot last year. I wasn't myself until end of the school year/beginning of summer. Basically it took me a lot to get to how I am now. Happy and drama free and all that. I've moved on and am happy.
But it was until tuesday when everything from last year was stirred up again. Things had been settled and back to normal. I had been filled in on the truth with this lovely situation. To begin with I had been lied to for 6 months at least. But things had been talked through and I was told the "whole truth" But tuesday is when I found out the rest of the story. Turns out a lot more than a kiss happened. And more often and to a different extent than I was told. It just kills me because one said that I should believe them and forgive them because they were telling me the whole story and it was an innocent mistake, when obviously it was none of that. Then the other sits here being one of my closest friends letting me think nothing happened and it wasn't that bad. How fair is that? I don't even care about what actually happened, now it's more of how much they lied to me. One of them it was expected cause I never believed her in the first place. And it's what she does. But the other. I didn't expect it. And if I meant so much to him then, and he still cares about me as a person now...why didn't he speak up. Cause it's hurting me more now than it would have then.
It's just so frustrating because I knew all along but had no proof. And ahh. It just kills me. Even though I don't have feelings in that way at all, it just hurts to know what was actually going on when the feeling where so strong. I'm trying not to make a big deal of it and make it upset me too much but I can't always help it.
:/
But it was until tuesday when everything from last year was stirred up again. Things had been settled and back to normal. I had been filled in on the truth with this lovely situation. To begin with I had been lied to for 6 months at least. But things had been talked through and I was told the "whole truth" But tuesday is when I found out the rest of the story. Turns out a lot more than a kiss happened. And more often and to a different extent than I was told. It just kills me because one said that I should believe them and forgive them because they were telling me the whole story and it was an innocent mistake, when obviously it was none of that. Then the other sits here being one of my closest friends letting me think nothing happened and it wasn't that bad. How fair is that? I don't even care about what actually happened, now it's more of how much they lied to me. One of them it was expected cause I never believed her in the first place. And it's what she does. But the other. I didn't expect it. And if I meant so much to him then, and he still cares about me as a person now...why didn't he speak up. Cause it's hurting me more now than it would have then.
It's just so frustrating because I knew all along but had no proof. And ahh. It just kills me. Even though I don't have feelings in that way at all, it just hurts to know what was actually going on when the feeling where so strong. I'm trying not to make a big deal of it and make it upset me too much but I can't always help it.
:/